|Reviews for Just a Little Crush?|
| Farla chapter 1 . 1/12/2011
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
This is taking a long time to go nowhere. Start your story when the plot actually starts.
| fireball.scizor chapter 1 . 1/10/2011
Cute story, I liked the way you described your characters appearances and the characters themselves. I don't know really understand why you wrote about the rude guy yelling at Rina though, because it doesn't impact the plot at all and seems a little out of place.
Also I think you forgot to add speech marks here:
She did? Oh! So that's what she was going on about last night. I vaguely remember her asking me if I wanted to join them and when I said no Rina decided she wouldn't go either. Hang on, aren't certain Pokemon allowed into Amity Square? I doubted any of our Pokemon would be allowed in…
Overall I liked it though, good work.