|Reviews for Odious|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/20/2013
Hey,its pretty good!please,continue the history!
| MintChocolate188 chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
i have a feeling that the hoded figure is ether the jabborwock or rhe white rabbit
| Silverpearl2 chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
| MidnightDreamSong chapter 1 . 8/6/2011
That was a nice chapter and a very good start
| Exeterra chapter 1 . 1/30/2011
I like this story Please update soon, or I might cry. I like your writing style, too.
( v ) I'll send my fatty owl after you if you don't update, kayyyy :3
| The Spiked Dragon chapter 1 . 1/15/2011
Liddell is trying to remember the past how cute :). I wonder what Queen Alice needs to have Liddell retrieved for this time? And what do they mean before she grows up too quickly? Looking forward to reading chapter 2.
| Amaya 2010 chapter 1 . 1/12/2011
whats with the title ? ... JK i love it , so cool keep writing ...yay...Thats all .
| Peach the Hedgehog chapter 1 . 1/12/2011
Well, this seems like an interesting idea. Though, if I can be honest, some things annoy me a little.
Some of your sentences are a little short. I know it's for effect, but I didn't really find it all that effective. "Two years. Two years passed since everything happened." I personally feel you could take out the first 'Two years.'
The mention of Kitty being 'out of character' by Liddell doesn't seem right. When people speak of that and comment, they usually don't say 'Oh, you are acting out of character.' They'll usually say something like 'This isn't like you.' Or 'You are not acting like yourself.'
Instead of putting gasp in Kitty's quote, it would have been better if you described that. Also, what kind of gasp it was. In this case, I think it would be a mocking gasp.
As for our of characterness, well, Kitty is a little bit, but not from sarcasm. I don't think Kitty would say "Liddell is actually wondering what might be going on in her absence." That's almost like she is talking and Liddell isn't there, which I don't think she would do. Plus, Liddell doing it right back... while sarcasm and stuff like that is her thing, I highly doubt she would do the same thing with Kitty's name.
Now, don't get me wrong. Kitty isn't mentioned much in the actual game, so you have plenty of elbow room. Even so, her actual personality is explained a little bit in the instruction book, so you should use that as a base for Kitty.
I also felt the scene changes were rather abrupt. When there are no line breaks or nothing to indicate a change of scene, it can get pretty confusing sometimes.
One other thing. Sometimes when you do something after a quote, you use something you don't need. Like at a time where you used a comma, like you should have, you used a capital outside of a quote when the next word wasn't a name. Sometimes you used a period, and continued it from there, even though a comma would have been better. I noticed you kept switching back and forth, so be mindful of that.
One final thing. Don't beg for reviews. Begging for reviews is a near surefire way to insure that you won't get many. If you are going to mention reviewing in your summary, just say "Read and review!"
Spelling looked pretty good, but to be honest, that is all I can say that is nice about it. I'm sorry.