|Reviews for Enslaved: Marks of the Past|
| Judy Bradley chapter 3 . 10/4/2013
This is so good!
| Judy Bradley chapter 2 . 10/4/2013
| Swashbucklist chapter 15 . 2/15/2012
Core kinda lets the situation between Monkey and Trip, the game's namesake of all things, slide by without much of a problem. I felt like there was an opportunities for some pretty intense drama there that you missed out on. (Meaning I missed out on it TOO! Grrr.)
I hate to say it, but I wasn't really drawn into the story. Therefore, it can be assumed that you finished this out of obligation and not because you had any major story that needed to get out. The few action scenes definitely didn't match the excitement of the game, that's for sure. Though you did get a pretty good grip on the characters' prevalently ambiguous relationships.
Conclusion: this isn't a great fanfic, but it's a very well-written one and definitely helps raise the standard for Enslaved fanfiction. Props to you.
| Swashbucklist chapter 10 . 2/11/2012
As many more people seem to, I'm enjoying this fic. Although the action doesn't really have as much impact as a fanfic like "Crimson Skies The Briefcase Blues", it is very well-written. This chapter in particular was one that I'd been looking forward to without realizing it; the part where Core's thoughts on Trip are challenged when Monkey explains the slave headband. If you ask me, that conversation could have been milked a little more.
| Kassy chapter 15 . 11/17/2011
You know, I have to say that I was put off by Core at the beginning- she seemed like the biggest Mary-sue up until about chapter 8 or 9 (when Monkey and Trip stepped in to save her in the desert). I also didn't like the way you portrayed Monkey and Trip in the beginning, they were very OOC most of the time: Trip came off as a controlling nag and Monkey came off as... well... I'm not sure, but as a reader it rubbed me the wrong way.
Don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of writing and believe me when I say that I've made plenty of the exact same mistakes along the way- that's why I know it's important to point these things out to aspiring authors so they can realize it and grow from their mistakes.
I should tell you that the reason I continued reading after being put off was because I was intrigued by your writing style and learned to never judge a story/book by the first few chapters. Unfortunately- if you're going to be writing your own stories, the things mentioned above are what you'll want to avoid- most readers who are put off stop reading immediately and go looking for the next story/book to read.
Well I can say that although I was none too pleased by the start of this story, that I'm very glad that I continued reading because I saw much improvement in both your writing and characterization later on. Core started becoming more than what she was in the beginning- she developed faults, desires, inner conflict- she gained all of the things I expected to see out of a real character- and because of that I started getting into Core's backstory and in the end I was even sad that the story wasn't longer. Monkey and Trip also started acting more in character around the same time as Core became better (8 or 9). I also think that Core's brothers had a lot of potential to be great characters.
The ending was a bit abrupt though, you yanked me out of the little world you'd just started showing us readers right when I started becoming interested in the community and possibilities that they brought with them. Just try not too rush things in stories- if you become unmotivated for a story or are deeply overly anxious to finish it it's a good idea to just put the story aside until you feel that spark again- your future readers will appreciate it :).
Overall I really enjoyed this story. I hope I didn't offend you with (what I hope is considered) constructive criticism. I just hope that you'll think about what I said and one day take the time to re-read the first few chapters and try to see it from the reader's view. That always helped me anyway :p
Thank you for the story! :)
| GlassxCandy chapter 15 . 9/29/2011
I'm glad you wrote this the ending was dissapointing. And its so sad there not making a sequel of the game...:/
I kinda liked your character more than Trip..:X just sayiiin.
| Pookyilicous chapter 15 . 8/24/2011
They wanted to leave because thats what was right
Great chapter, but are you sure you won't write another chapter :(
Sad times, mind it's been a fantastic story
| DeathByMonkees chapter 15 . 8/24/2011
very nice :) you're right, it seemed natural that trip and monkey would like to leave. i can only imagine them on the road, haha. very good story, you did a great job with it! :)
| T2 Angel chapter 15 . 8/23/2011
Smooth. Subtle. Sweet. If I can sum it all up in one word: amazing. Great story. Great characters. Great flow. Great finish. Great job!
| Lunn Lady of Angst chapter 15 . 8/23/2011
It was a very nice story. Glad it had a happy ending :)
| Lunn Lady of Angst chapter 14 . 8/21/2011
Nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak!
Actually, I thought this was a really sweet (not as in cool, as in the other meaning - but not the flavour!) moment. Well written.
| DeathByMonkees chapter 14 . 8/21/2011
nice chapter, they had a great little moment :) keep core away from monkey though, he belongs with trip! :P
| Pookyilicous chapter 14 . 8/21/2011
I have to say I want more...
Can't wait for the next chapter :P
| T2 Angel chapter 14 . 8/20/2011
Awesome, as always! I cannot wait for the finale!
| Pookyilicous chapter 13 . 8/19/2011
I can't wait for the next chapter ahhhh