|Reviews for Tear down|
| Fanf1cFan chapter 1 . 1/12/2011
OK, pretty good writing so far. You've set the tone/atmosphere and given us a feel for where the characters are mentally. Now you should start pulling out whatever new wrinkles you may have for this post-3-I tale. If you want to deepen the readers' involvement, maybe you should occasionally report what their senses detect at appropriate points, such as the gritty damp feeling of the beach (sand? maybe it's rocky or pebbly?), the feel of the breeze (or wind or stillness), the temperature, the salty smell of a sea shore mixed with the disturbing LCL/blood smell, sounds they may hear other than their voices (does the LCL sea have waves?), stuff like that inserted where it makes sense. Help us experience what they experience.
Some thoughts on a post-3-I world: Supposedly ALL life was turned into LCL, or just died, right down to the microbes in the soil . . . no birds, no fish, no plant life, no mammals. Just Shinji and Asuka. So there is no ecosystem, maybe no way to get any food other than what they can scavenge from whatever buildings are left, any dead animals they may find. When do they start to realize this? What do/can they do about it? The original implied all of this, with the possibility that other PEOPLE could come back if they wished. But how do microbes or plants wish anything? How do you revive a dead world? Challenging, no? But maybe all this is outside what you intended to include.
Either way, keep writing.