|Reviews for Harry Potter and the perfect plan|
| OpenSourceArtist chapter 13 . 3/25
Danielle coming across the diary is such a convenience for the plot that it took me right out of the story. Additionally, you're calling things pranks that aren't really pranks all for the sake of illustrating Danielle's connection to the Marauders, this desperate attempt to establish your original character demonstrates laziness, I think you're a talented enough author to do a better job.
That being said, I really do enjoy your story.
| The Magnetic Witch chapter 19 . 9/16/2014
This is story is pretty good and thought out, but it definitely needs scrubbing. Is English perhaps not you're native language? If so, I would recommend a beta reader as some of the dialogue is rather awkward... I mean this entirely as helpful critisism! O_O
I would like to see an update either way soon, please! :D
| poli chapter 19 . 12/10/2013
¿porque no la sigues!? es muy buena esta historia, vuelve por favor!
| Arch The Ripper chapter 19 . 4/27/2013
| Azaleas chapter 11 . 4/1/2013
Good story line but as the story progresses it got boring
| susannahblack19 chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
I'm sorry but Lily's TOOOOO ANNOYING!
I'M leaving this fic now!
| Smozzick chapter 1 . 5/23/2012
Well at least the original plan didn't work because it made no sense whatsoever.
Their grand plan to save the world...why did they need to save Harry's parents for it? literally all of the plan that we got told was that exactly the same things would happen with Harry's and Neville's families surviving.
Other than that I'm reserving judgement until I've read more.
| Zyanadryn chapter 19 . 4/9/2012
this is a really good story! i hope you finish it one day!
| Taure chapter 2 . 3/20/2012
This is extremely dialogue-heavy. Are you aware that your longest paragraph is two lines? Needs more description, more introspection, more thought and action. As it is it's more like a script than a story. It feels very rushed, like we're just skimming over everything. While dialogue is great for bringing characters to life (speaking of, many of your characters feel rather "larger than life") it's narrative that gives a story depth.
| Sjsofi chapter 1 . 3/15/2012
| Jim chapter 15 . 3/10/2012
No wonder this story is confusing. Future Harry being Harry and having original Harry being posessed by Voldemort. You're relying on your "random facts" to inform readers of what is happening. You have promise as a write but you really need to show people what is going on by writing what is happening behind the scenes.
PS Dannielle is still an annoying brat.
| Jim chapter 11 . 3/10/2012
This has got to be one of the most annoying versions of Harry Potter goes back into the past and has lives with his parents. Lily’s tendency to overreact and scream Harry’s full name (even when he’s been injured she’s off calling him a liar, she is that insensitive to her son's needs while she just goes off in a full snit) and Danielle with her sarcasm and silly jokes (like when she told Harry that Sirius and their parents hadn’t forgiven him for getting into Slytherin) she also seems rather precocious using her spoilt brat attitude to get what she wants and then pretending to soften it by saying she's joking. Danielle and Lily are just really irritating combined with Draco who is sucking up to Harry for whatever he can get (you should have let on that Harry knew what was going on earlier).
I'm actually kinda glad that Harry hasn't bothered to write to Danielle.
PS starting 9 out of 10 sentences with quotation marks means you need to spend more time describing the scenery rather than letting all the characters talk and having "Harry said" or "Lily explained" at the end of the sentence.
| darkagnosticaol.com chapter 1 . 2/16/2012
good premise for a story but your writing is fucking horrible. get to the fucking point and stop writing about people babbling and being fucking stupid. really he didnt notice he was half the size he was when he started and he just stood there like a fucking moron saying nothing but what. your story sucks, scrap it and try again.
| kyoshi711hotmail.com chapter 1 . 2/13/2012
All this killing going on around Harry and then I hear stunning spells? Ruins the story because only a moron would cast a stunner in a life and death situation. Reminds me of the old cowboy movies when the good guy, would shoot the gun out of the bad guys hand.
| Seventhsword2 chapter 13 . 1/23/2012
holy shit. this story just took a very dark turn