|Reviews for Distorted|
| Luna Rapunzel chapter 4 . 6/2
[The boy was beaming, the Doctor looked sour, and Dr. Westphalen's expression was unreadable.] - Haha, I really enjoyed this as a nice, concise way to sum up everybody's emotions coming off of the previous chapter!
I thought you really nailed the Doctor's dialogue especially in this chapter - there were a lot of lines of his in here that I could completely envision Tennant saying in character while I was reading them. Seeing the reactions to Nathan finding out that the Doctor isn't human were spot on, too, like with the quips about how he looks human and everything; I loved the bit of dialogue where the Doctor plays around with different accents to demonstrate that just because he sounds English doesn't mean that he has to be English and not alien.
I was really entertained by the moment where the Doctor seems to be proud of Lucas for hacking into UNIT to find out what they know about the Doctor: that was a great bit of characterization for both of them, especially the Doctor. Him traveling back in time to convince the UEO that he was genuine and had been looking into them for a couple of weeks now was an excellent, really IC touch, too, as well as the moment where he lets slip about 2058-9.
| Book 'em Again chapter 1 . 5/31
From the Review’s Lounge and doubly canon-blind on this one.
You did a good job of creating mystery from the very beginning. I want to know what this rock is and why it is important and by having the Brigadier immediately dismiss it as out of his jurisdiction makes me want to know even more as I feel for Kristin’s dilemma.
The lobster conversation was funny and provides from a nice shift in tone in this chapter while still maintaining a good flow.
Not knowing the fandom I found the relationship between the Doctor and TARDIS to be interesting. The Doctor seems intelligent and factual and then as he gets corrected by the ‘computer?’ those qualifies seem to strip just slightly away as he puts his trust in the TARDIS.
You have done a good job of showing these characters personalities through little details - the Doctor’s thoughts about the difference between the sounds of ship and of sub show that he is observant. Kristin admission that this research is about finding answers of an earlier experience shows her inquisitive nature and her need to understand the world around her.
The end of the chapter was confusing to me, but I sort of feel like that was intentional. The Doctor can’t quite understand what is happening so neither can the reader. An interesting choice that definitely deepens the mystery.
| Salivour chapter 1 . 5/22
I'm entirely unfamiliar with SeaQuest, so apologies for any mistakes made due to that!
Being canon-blind, I felt as though I could understand most of what happened here, and your notes on who each character was, what SeaQuest was, while brief, allowed me to follow along quite well. The work didn't feel as though it would become boring to someone familiar with the canon though, as everything was gotten across very succinctly.
("It's out of our jurisdiction.") I love how you characterised both Bridger and Westphalen with this. Westphalen being the eager, curious scientist and what seems to be a by-the-book Bridger who's told her such things far too much. It was great to have this little bit before their situation was spelt out.
("I've encountered more things than I can explain since I've been on board this ship. I just...I just want to try to explain them.") This was one of my favourite lines. I thought it just summed up a lot of what Westphalen was saying, her curiosity and her frustration.
And the Doctor dropping in just makes everything that more real. It's interesting that the presence of the Doctor instantly made aliens and an element from another planet real. I'm not familiar with SeaQuest, as I said, so I don't know if they would usually come across such odd things and have them be real.
I laughed at the Doctor talking the TARDIS. I felt very much like something he would do. His quick speech and firing off eight questions on one sentence and then answering them himself. I also liked the image of him just wandering around poking things and opening doors with that sort of happy curiosity. Him and Westphalen should make quite the pair!
(He shouldn't have tried, not when he knew he shouldn't - couldn't - and certainly not when he knew what was at stake if he did.) It felt like this sentence was a tongue-twister, so it took me a couple of reads to get what it was saying, actually. I also didn't really like the Doctor's musing on SeaQuest and Bridger, as it felt a lot like telling and not really like what I think the Doctor would be like.
Right of the bat here, you've got a wonderful start to a story with interesting characters, a mention of aliens and a mysterious element no one's seen before. It'll be interesting to see where you take everything!
Good job :)
| Luna Rapunzel chapter 3 . 5/18
I thought the biggest strength of this chapter was its really good balance of plot progression with character development. The couple of narrative passages where the Doctor recaps who the N'zyritians are and where he suspects the silicon crystals came from dipped a little bit into information dumping, but other than that, I thought you did a great job here of moving the plot along (sharing that information and the Doctor's suspicions; on the seaQuest crew's end, discovering the Doctor's bizarre anatomy and puzzling through his obscured intentions a little bit) while also developing the relationships between characters and showing those characters learning and thinking about each other throughout the progression of the conversations that take place here. The tension between Nathan and the Doctor was really well done, especially with the exchange of answers part and with Nathan's refusal to accept 'the Doctor' for a name or believe without questioning it that his DNA isn't in the world database. Also really loved seeing the Doctor drop so many little hints about himself and his lifestyle (like the quip about how even when he makes a habit of dropping dead he doesn't actually die referencing regeneration) through the lens of Nathan's in the dark narrative - that was a nice reminder that there's so much more to all these characters than what they're seeing of each other. Great chapter!
| TolkienScholar chapter 1 . 5/18
Hey! I'm from RLt, and I'm doubly fandom blind, but I'm going to give it a try anyway. :)
As far as your writing, which I do feel qualified to evaluate :), it's nearly flawless. Your SPaG is perfect, which I always greatly appreciate. Your sentences also flow very nicely, creating a scientific/sci-fi feel that is just right for this story. There was a section I found slightly confusing (not in a fandom blind way, but in a general writing way) that I'll tell you about just so you can take a look at it:
I found Bridger's reasoning about Kristin's motivation kind of rambling, and I couldn't tell where he was trying to go with it. You say "She wasn't one to blatantly disobey orders..." unless they "went against what was, at least to her, completely and utterly right" (though the contrast between those two elements could be shown more clearly), and then you point out that this isn't a matter or right or wrong, but of interest. It all seems to be leading to a logical conclusion, but then suddenly he turns around and starts reasoning why she doesn't just take shore leave. I feel like there's a conclusion and some more reasoning missing. I'm not explaining it well, I know; you could PM me if you feel like you need more explanation. I just found it confusing, so it might be something to look at.
Otherwise, I enjoyed Bridger's and Kristin's interactions. I liked her kind of shy, schoolgirl-ish behavior when she's talking about her secret passion. And there was some delicious humor (no pun intended ;) ) with the lobster part; quite enjoyable! :)
I know absolutely nothing about Dr. Who, but I did enjoy his conflictedness; he's clearly struggling with guilt over something related to a similar situation to this one, and he seems to have some doubts and questions about himself. I like characters like that. I found his interactions with the TARDIS funny. I had no idea it was sentient. :) His thoughts did get a little hard to understand towards the end, sort of disjointed and rambly. But it wasn't too bad, and thoughts do tend to get that way when you're upset about something. You just have to make sure it isn't to the point where you confuse or bore your readers.
Overall, very good job, and an enjoyable read even for a reader who's doubly fandom blind. Well done!
| Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 1 . 2/19
Quick disclaimer: I'm at least fifty per cent fandom blind for this story, as I've never seen seaQuest and this appears to be set after one of the 'special' Doctor Who episodes that I never saw either. However, I've read a couple of darkin's SQ fanfics, so I do have some idea about what's going on...
"It's out of our jurisdiction" - hmm, it does feel a bit gratuitous to take an undersea research vessel and trigger off a story based on a meteorite from outer space, but I don't know if this sort of adventure was common to SQ canon. And Bridger explicitly points out that Dr Westphalen could quite easily do a private investigation and is insisting on dragging the ship and the rest of the crew into it for reasons that make no sense to him at least - further highlighting the contrived nature of the 'case' rather than explaining it away. But this may turn out to be important to the plot later (maybe she's under some kind of external influence!)
I do understand the argument about wanting to prove that a past experience was real - it's like Lucy and the wardrobe to Narnia - but even Dr Westphalen admits that this completely unrelated and inert rock won't do anything of the sort. However, after all this heavy-handed-seeming setup, it comes as a unexpected and rather pleasant surprise that the captain takes the 'common sense' approach and turns down her request in favour of carrying out their actual duties ;-)
I'm sure the meteorite is going to be significant anyway, but it makes the plot look a bit more subtle...
I'm assuming that eating the chief scientist's experiment was an honest mistake rather than a matter of succumbing to temptation, since they both seem quite cheerful about this breach of discipline!
"though she could have been much more precise and more correct than that herself": thus neatly indicating her expertise without overwhelming Bridger - or the reader! - with a mass of obscure terminology.
"seventy-three degrees north along the Mid-Atlantic Ridge": navigation considered in underwater terms rather than in a surface frame of reference (reminding us that this is, after all, a submarine).
"Humility was among those old lessons, of course-that was one he had never quite learned" - no, I'm afraid I don't think any of the Doctor's regenerations have really got the hang of humility, have they? :-)
And attempting to drop in on 1918 and accidentally ending up in 2019 is *very* like the Doctor!
A microwave signal in dolphin frequency being transmitted *outwards* towards the M-100 galaxy? Presumably SQ doesn't have a technologically sophisticated autonomous dolphin civilisation..?
I like the way the Doctor's one-sided conversation with his TARDIS is written - the replies being completely inaccessible to us, but their import made quite plain by what he says in return.
"trusting her with all his hearts" - this sounds a bit weird to me, as if he has more than two hearts: I'd expect "trusting her with both of his hearts" in this context...
Right, so he doesn't coincidentally land on the seaQuest after missing his intended destination; the TARDIS actively navigates him there as a result of the outgoing signal they detected. At least that's a bit less of a whopping coincidence than the average DW episode :-)
If the signal *is* dolphin-originated, it makes sense that it came from the middle of the open ocean - and that the submarine happens to be the nearest point where they can land. But it's sounding as if the connection may be a bit more specific than that.
Yes, I can imagine that it's possible to deduce a submarine from the background noises... and the Doctor categorising that as "knowing how to listen" is very much in character!
I've no idea what Adelaide Brooke did, but it sounds as if the Doctor has been tempted to alter history again recently :-
(Though the show seems pretty inconsistent about this, really; by travelling in time and rescuing people he must be altering history all the time, but we only get told that it's bad sometimes.)
Looking for signs and then deliberately ignoring them? Yes, that's the Doctor all right :-)
"Tricked back into service"? Bridger obviously has some complicated canon history...
"the line between being a soldier and being a leader-it was a line he'd tread many a time, whether he liked it or not": this sounds a bit odd to me. Is it the line that he [Bridger] would tread in the future (and if so, how does the Doctor know?), or that he [the Doctor] had trodden in the past?
"even if that wasn't what his superiors particularly approved of. Though, that might be because they didn't always know until later" - definitely the Doctor's type of commander!
It sounds as almost if something has been deliberately keeping the Doctor away from seaQuest in the past. Possibly connected to whatever it is that is stimulating this unusual interest in Kristin Westphalen?
"He had more experience now, and he was still a quick thinker, perhaps quicker than ever" - a nice explanation for why he had so much more trouble with words in his first incarnation than in the later ones :-)
Ah, somebody *is* trying to keep him away. Well, that's certainly a bad move, once you've attracted the Doctor's attention :-D
"not knowing what he was getting into and grinning for that very reason" - nothing like a bit of unknown threat to spice up the Doctor's day :-)
| Cheile chapter 4 . 2/8
Okay, I love Lucas but he is totally being a brat right now, LOL. Though that's 100% in character for him so that is not a complaint, trust me. I'm just half-siding with the Doctor's exasperation and half giggling at his smug triumph in this moment. I like that Nathan turns to Kristin to get the confirmation that the Doctor is not at all human.
Crap, Ben's been outed as having noticed the unannounced visitor onboard and not reporting him. Nice going, Doctor :P And the accent thing is totally trippy. I can half hear it in my head and the end twist (imitating Nathan's voice) is the best—that would totally freak me out if I were in that position and some strange alien-possible guy started talking in MY voice x.x
Holy crap, the Doctor moves fast! He just brings up the idea of making things look official and already Bill is calling Nathan with the official "we gotta inconvenience you again" call. How in the seven levels of hell...oh who am I kidding? He's the Doctor—if I know one thing abt the Who-verse, it's that this guy can pull off any level of shenanigans easily. LOL. Also I know "Dr. Smith" is an eyeroll-worthy alias but it's mildly amusing given Kristin's replacement in canon was a Dr. Smith (Wendy, whom I'm sure you've seen). /tangent
You did tell me we were bringing Scott in, and yay to that! Just the person who can hopefully help figure stuff out. and if it weren't for what I said above, I'd be goggling on how the hell the Doctor suddenly got onto the shuttle with Scott—but I'm just not gonna go there and admire how he's BSing his way through the reintroductions and "oh my, what a pretty ship you have here" ogling of the docking bay instead, LOL.
HA, Jonathan calls him on it in five seconds! That's awesome. I love how Scott's all "huuuh?" at their non-surprise. And I wondered when the piece of meteorite Kristin had stashed was gonna come up again. I also wonder what the Doctor plans to do with it. Keller's musings at the end leave just enough of a hook to push one to keep reading (which you know I will!)
(Also if you'd like a laugh—I've been picturing the wrong version of the Doctor the whole time. Now I'm having to rewrite the image in my head so I picture David Tennant and not Matt Smith. Oy :P lol)
Great chapter yet again!
| Cheile chapter 3 . 2/7
Ah, now we get to Nathan's reaction—this'll be fun, I bet!
The glimpse of the bridge crew doing their part to make sure the Doctor isn't the only stranger to suddenly appear is a good thing to show for the fandom-blind (which you know I'm not) how cohesive of a team they are. They don't question the oddity of the situation regardless of what little or lot they know, they just are ready to work together to figure out WTF is going on. I love that.
And now comes my confusion probly cuz I'm fandom-blind to Who: when the Doctor showed Ben his ID, Ben saw something that made him assume the Doctor had rank and privilege—yet when he shows it to Nathan, it's blank? Or is this because of Nathan's latent psi abilities; he can see through the illusion? I'm gonna go with that idea for now but feel free to correct me later if I'm wrong ;)
Even tho I'm blind to the inner knowledge, I like how the Doctor talks in ridiculous riddles around both Nathan and Lucas, and later, Kristin. It helps me get a feel for who he is even if I don't get his motives at all. I also like how Lucas is constantly trying to challenge every other word out of the Doctor's mouth—very in character for him to be impatient and pushing for information he isn't likely to get.
Him getting upset at the fact that Kristin is more thorough than other doctors who discover his anomalies is amusing. I think he was thinking that he'd easily get out of it only to find he's (for now) met his match.
[and he wouldn't put it past Earth's weather to have buried it beneath the sea for years upon years upon years] – this line puzzled me a bit as I'm not sure what the weather has to do with the aliens, tho it has been some time since I saw the ep in question. As a name geek, I like the name you gave to them, btw. Also, they are a dead race? Ooh, the intrigue thickens. Are the ones who the SQ crew encountered the only survivors (and from the sound of what the Doctor said, dying off)? maybe that would explain WHY the aliens allowed the crew to make contact. Can't wait to find out if I'm right or not!
Itty bit correction-ish:
[I can check the WSKRS' logs] – to me, this sounds funny and I'd change it to "WSKR logs". But up to you!
| Cheile chapter 2 . 2/7
Hey Lynse, I'm back finally! Damn school :P
And now the Doctor is spotted wandering about by none other than Ben. Oh this will be fun. From what I've gathered about the Doctor, he likes to mess with people and be prankish just like Ben—however, I think Ben will have met his match in this case. I like Ben's assumption that the Doctor is some random inspector planted onboard as a surprise. Makes perfect sense how he suddenly appeared.
HAHAHA, I love how the Doctor is picking on Ben with the "inconsequential details" bit. I can just see Ben squirming and trying to keep it cool while he's freaking out inwardy cuz he thinks the Doctor is some sort of high-ranking inspector. He should have realized that no true inspector would like the idea of a counterfeit visitor badge, much less ask for one themselves; they'd have busted him right on the spot. :P silly boy.
The conversation with Darwin before Lucas shows up was both cute and intriguing—I thought originally that he could understand Darwin's clicks and whistles without benefit of the vocoder but then it seems that he didn't given the Doctor's line [He just didn't see fit to answer most of my questions] I also like how you keep Darwin very canon-like—he gives an answer or two but it doesn't necessarily make sense to human ears and even the Doctor buys Lucas' "experimental" line. Also not surprised that Lucas takes the Doctor to his quarters to call Nathan instead of hauling him straight to the bridge—our boy is brilliant enough to know that something more than odd is up.
Now i'm hurrying on to the next to find out what Nathan's reaction is gonna be! Great chapter!
| rhinosgirl chapter 1 . 2/1
Hi, Lynse! Rhino here –hugs- I am doubly fandom-blind for this story, so please forgive any canon-related misunderstandings.
A man who freely admits he doesn’t know something! Hehe, I like this guy already. I also admire the way he balances both his dedication to his job and his desire to help out Dr. Westphalen.
No wonder Doctor Westphalen is intrigued, a meteorite that contains an undiscovered mineral is sure to attract the interest of any scientist, even if it isn’t in their direct field of interest.
I wonder what the purpose of Kristin keeping the lobsters for so long was, and how Krieg felt when he or she found out that they had eaten a few months’ worth of Kristin’s hard work? I’m not sure I would have like to have been around when that conversation happened!
“He miscalculated. Just slightly.” This gives me the impression that Doctor Who has a sense of humour that might just rub Nathan up the wrong way once they actually meet up.
I like the different styles that the two fandoms represented here were written in. The SeaQuest part was written in a very dialogue- based and business-like manner. The Doctor Who section was definitely more light-hearted and comical. It is going to be interesting to see how the two meld.
| Luna Rapunzel chapter 2 . 1/18
Picking this fic back up a very long time later...
"quickly shoving his winnings from an illicit poker game deeper into his pockets" - I love this. It's such a clever way to integrate Ben's personality and characterization really naturally into the narrative storyline.
I appreciated your descriptions of the Doctor making observations (licking his fingers, etc.) through Ben's assumptions that he's an inspector and dismissal that he seems unorthodox because they're always a bit crazy - it was a really nice touch of humor, it was very in character for the Doctor, and it gave a nice picture of what everyday life for Ben and the crew members on the sQ is like.
Ha, your writing of the Doctor when he pulls out the psychic paper and then manipulates Ben into getting him a visitor's pass was perfect. I thought your choice not to specifically say what exactly the psychic paper said the Doctor's credentials were was an interesting one - not in a bad way, but just because it reflects the fact that it doesn't really matter to the Doctor himself what it says as long as it gets him the access he needs, and he doesn't even always know or plan what it's going to say (as you made pretty evident in the scene when he himself looks at it after showing it to Ben).
Loved the scene where the Doctor talks to Darwin - it was sweet to see, for one thing, but also seemed realistic and in character for the Doctor to let his guard down with Darwin and be honest about why he was really there.
How does the Doctor already know who Lucas is? That detail was sort of confusing to me when it came up.
Great last few lines for the chapter - so, so accurate to the Doctor's personality.
| Cheile chapter 1 . 9/20/2014
FYI I'm half fandom-blind (diehard Questie, know little about Dr. Who) but I've been fed enough Who-related content from friends of mine that I think I can manage.
The first scene is very well done. The dialogue makes perfect sense, Kristin's insatiable appetite for wanting to know more/do more fits her quite well, as does Nathan's reminding her that they're not really authorized to be dealing with matters and discoveries related to space. My only (very minor) complaint is I would have liked a bit less formality in the narrative descriptions after they were introduced to the reader. Otherwise, wonderfully depicted scene between these two that could have come out of any episode.
[He miscalculated. Just slightly.] – and now we get to the Doctor...and I have a feeling that "slight miscalculation" will cause some chaos, heh. He does sound like quite the detective, determined not to give up til he finds the answers he needs.
I was a bit confused at his one-sided conversation with the TARDIS because you clearly state that he is getting answers from it but not what they are; we have to guess from his continued dialogue. but I'm going to assume that this is my fandom-blindness, and that the TARDIS' computer doesn't actually speak in speech—so ignore me if that's the case :P
[Wherever he was, it was in cramped quarters. Or perhaps crammed would be the more appropriate word, since the only reason the room looked cramped, from this perspective, was because it was crammed full of storage boxes.] – did he end up in Ben's quarters? Heh.
I find it curious that the Doctor is able to wander about a good part of SQ without being noticed. There's usually several someones out and about in the corridors, so it's a bit odd that he can wander so freely unnoticed.
[He felt edgy. Like he knew he'd forgotten something but couldn't remember what. That was the best way to describe it, even though it wasn't what it was. He'd been through that enough times to recognize that when it happened. And this, well—it wasn't like having an itch he couldn't scratch—quite different than simply having an itch that shouldn't be scratched—or like trying to will away a forbidden sneeze in a dusty room.] – I particularly like this passage of his description of the weird feeling he can't shake. Methinks he can sense that bit of stone fragment (meteorite, I'm thinking) that Kristin's been keeping in her quarters. Perhaps he can sense its energy or something.
At any rate, well done and looking forward to continuing when I can! (the perils of schoolwork—it takes away from my fic writing/reading time :P)
| JanaTearce chapter 1 . 9/20/2014
I didn't quite know what to think when I started reading this, I'm completely fandomblind regarding SeaQuest and half when it comes to Doctor Who, but you definitely had me when I realised we're underwater 3
I gather from Dr. Westphalen's interest in the meteorite that she'll probably have some extensive conversations with the Doctor later and I'm looking forward to it. To me of course she doesn't seem out of character, I actually think you gave a quite reasonable explanation for her interest and she does seem geuinely interested.
About captain Bridger, I have to say I was very glad for the Doctor's bit of fangirling about the Seaquest and her captain. Now even though I'm completely new to his fandom, I can already say I have a fairly good idea what he is about. That was a clever way to both introduce Bridger, but also part of the Doctor's personality and I would be very delighted to find explanations given like that throughout the story. I don't know why, but phrasing explanations as a characters thoughts always seems nicer to me.
Now, I already mentioned I know a bit about the doctor and I watched some of the show. (I know Nine and Ten, but Eleven only from hearsay.) And from what I can tell, you portayed him very accurately. He's got all the important key points that would come first to my mind when thinking about the Doctor. His love for humans and the way he's excited about historic places, persons and the likes, or how he followed his gut instincts.
That was all very much The Doctor for me - very much enjoyed reading that.
Same goes for the last part of his chapter, the process of his thoughts, that sounds so very much like him. Can I just ask, which doctor is it exactly? Or did you make one up? For what it's worth, I'm thinking about Ten while reading.
Oh, and I loved his conversation with the TARDIS 3
Right now, I find it much more easy to connect with the Doctor, and not only because I know him better, but also because of how you wrote so much about what's going on his head.
You definitely caught my interest here and I will keep reading! :)
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 1 . 9/16/2014
There were a variety of implied or explicit redundancies ("admitted honestly," "and did, in fact, still nurse," "despite that, she'd still"), awkward turns of phrase ("held hidden," "and geologists and the like and," "it hadn't been very long after that that," "grinning because of that"), and all-out errors ("that fell to earth that long ago," "to returndid") that made this difficult to read.
That said, the characters were, as far as I could tell, very IC. Furthermore, the abrupt shift in narrative style from the seaQuest-centric part ("But this wasn't a case of right or wrong, of life or death") to the Who-centric part ("He miscalculated. Just slightly," "this would be great - positively brilliant") worked nicely with the tones of the respective series. The Who bit, in particular, had some creative elements ("he was left wondering if he had even had a proper analogy at all") that made it well worth reading.
| The Real F'n Scorp chapter 1 . 1/29/2014
I’m really in the blind when it comes to Doctor Who, but I have to say that this story begins an interesting crosso renders the Doctor ver. I’m not quite sure how the Doctor exactly would play into the grander scheme of things you set up with Kristin and all with the aliens.
I loved the premise you started with this line: ((“Since we uncovered that alien ship, I had proof that there were others out there. I just couldn't share it…”)). I love the idea of the alien inclusion, the possibility of the life out there as being a main theme and basis of the storyline.
Again, I don’t know anything about the Doctor Who fandom, but I love this character rendering here: ((Humility was among those old lessons, of course—that was one he had never quite learned, if he was honest.)). It showcases that the Doctor is a bit brash, that he’s a bit flawed, that he has things that he needs to learn about himself, and is self-aware of that fact. It creates a wonderful character rendering for me, especially since I am fandom blind and don’t really know otherwise.
Again, this here: ((Which was how he ended up just over a century off the mark, sometime in the spring of 2019.)) renders the Doctor as being imperfect. I also got a chuckle over how he overshoots himself by a century. That’s a mighty big whoopsie if you ask me haha
In all, while I’m not exactly sure how the whole situation is going to come together, you lay some interesting groundwork for things to come in the subsequent chapters. Excellent job!