|Reviews for Wait, What?|
| WhatDaPho chapter 1 . 4/12/2011
hmm... just wondering, but are you going to continue this story because I want more! haha'
| catki19 chapter 11 . 2/12/2011
| Sparrow Nightrunner chapter 11 . 2/11/2011
First of all, this is an adorable story. It's not often I write an in-depth critique of a first fanfic, but I honestly think that you're worth it. Please do not take the following as a flame... it's certainly not intended as one! I only post this because I see a lot of awesome potential in you. Think of this as stuff to aim for in future works, to make sure your writing gets better and better. :)
Like I said, this is an adorable story. I love anything Kurt, and this has the perfect balance between drama, fluff, and fun that makes Glee what it is. David is characterized beautifully, and it's obvious you've had fun writing this story. I'm almost sorry to see that it's almost over, even though I'm sure we can look forward to a happy ending.
Your pacing was beautiful, with enough fluff sections to keep the suspense and enough twists to keep everything delightfully complex. I literally read this all in one sitting, because I couldn't turn away. The story moves at a deliberate pace, with lots of conflicts and turns that are in turn addressed and eventually resolved. The construction of this work is just absolutely powerful.
I'm usually a little leery about OCs in fanfiction, because so many of them are Mary/Gary Stus... but it is SO obvious that yours are not. Both are adorable and fun, and the secondary storyline of them falling in love was both hilarious and heart-warming ("I never liked apples"... d'awww!). They fit well into the world, with their own flaws and quirks, and you didn't overimpose them in a way a lot of authors do their OCs. I rarely like OCs, but I LOVE yours!
I also love it when you put the song names at the beginning of the chapter. That way, I can listen to them on Youtube while I read them. :)
My only critique is for your grammar. I know you've written this mostly for your sister and for fun; that's why I'm not going to suggest you get a beta reader, because that'd be a ridiculous extra step for something you do for fun. And your sister's right in that it did get tangibly better as the story progressed; practicing is the best way to improve, after all, and you certainly wrote a lot!
However, there were a couple mistakes that I continued seeing pretty late in the story. If you want to write another fanfic (and I totally think you should!), just think of these as some things to work toward. Like goalposts to hit, so you get even better and better with your writing. :)
Main mistake one: word swapping. This is just where you write a word or phrase, intending to write a different, very similar instead, usually only one letter off. It's a mistake a lot of dyslexic people in particular have trouble correcting.
The most common word swap you used was "spar of the moment." The phrase is actually "spur of the moment". To spur is to coax someone into immediate action... a spar is like a martial arts match... not really applicable.
Same goes for "span." The past tense of "spin" is "spun." "Span" is used to describe how broad or long something is... like "the Brooklyn bridge spans the river between Brooklyn and Manhattan." Ditto when you type "except" when you mean "expect" or "past" when you mean "passed." Little things like that, that are more distracting than anything.
This is a hard mistake to correct, because Microsoft Word doesn't tend to pick up on these mistakes. The only way to learn is either by asking someone English-savvy to read your stuff before posting (which is, again, silly, since you're doing this for fun!) or just to read books more often, and pay special attention to how published authors write. Trust me, reading and learning the correct wording pays off, when all your friends start squeeing over what an awesome writer you are. ;)
Main mistake two: awkward sentences. There are two main mistakes I saw in your story that led to that: dropped/added words or double negatives.
Dropping and adding words is reasonably easy to fix, once you know what to look out for (again, reading published books helps build up your sense for it!). All you have to do is read your chapter out loud before you post it, and you'll catch most of those silly mistakes. I'm mainly talking about sentences like "I'm too good enough not to!", when Dave was fighting with Kurt, and thinking about punching him. The wording pulled me out of the story, because I couldn't figure out what you meant him to say. "I'm too good to?" "I'm good enough not to?" Big grammar awkwardness like that pull readers out of the action, and you don't want that, especially at a tension-heavy section like that!
Then, there are double negatives. I saw less and less of them as the story progressed, which is awesome, but they were still there near the end, so I figure I should mention them... Double negatives are when you put multiple negative words in one sentence... words like "not", "nobody", "never"... there are very few cases when there should be more than one of these in a sentence. Having more than one confuses the point, because two negatives in one clause totally make a positive, switching the entire meaning of the sentence around.
For example. take the could-have-been-awesome line: "This time, no one won't be crying tonight!". "No one"and "won't" are both negatives, switching the meaning of the sentence to "This time, someone WILL be crying tonight!", which is very much NOT what you wanted to say! Instead, the sentence probably should have read "This time, no one WILL be crying tonight!" Again, seeing the double negative pulled me out of the story, because it took me a minute to decode it. In a key moment like that, you don't want that!
The best way to catch these mistakes is to know that they exist. That's why I wanted to point them out specifically: so you'd know what to look out for if you decide to keep writing after this story is done (again, you TOTALLY should!). You have a wonderful talent for story and character construction, and I hate to see that talent get lost just because a couple confusing mechanical mistakes take a reader out of the story. Once you master those silly little grammar blips, you will take your stories from being good to being AWESOME.
3 the story. :)
| Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare chapter 11 . 2/11/2011
wow, such a long chapter! and so much happened! i liked it, though. it was all so amusing. and heehee, Ocean Avenue... that's one of my favorite songs like, ever. ;D
| johngirlwalton chapter 11 . 2/11/2011
Yeah Kurtofsky :)
| Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare chapter 7 . 2/7/2011
awwww, such an adorable chapter! X3
| Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare chapter 5 . 2/7/2011
TROLOLOLOLOLO I LIKE CLIFFHANGERS TROLOLOLOLOLOL ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER TO READ TROLOLOLOLOLO ;D
| Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare chapter 4 . 2/7/2011
i really like Nick; he's like a eddy bear, not-high version of Rossman from the Kurtofsky IMs on LJ. Dave needs friends like them in fanfiction, i think. :D
also: this is so cute, i really love it. X3
| Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare chapter 3 . 2/7/2011
'Home sweet bed.' story of my life right there for each and every day after school. i just plop down on my bed like, "ahhhhh, my lovely bed... my lovely room..." XD
"It's some comedy show!" "And it's a guy... with boxers?" "A gay comedy show!"
this is awesome. i'm off to read more, now! ;D
| Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare chapter 2 . 2/7/2011
LOL. just... LOLOLOLOL. ;D
| Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare chapter 1 . 2/7/2011
this is gold. why haven't i see it before? ;D
| Aiko110 chapter 10 . 2/7/2011
I think that you're having people stutter too much since a couple chapters ago.
It was cute at first, in the embarrassing moments, but now its like everyone's got a speech disability...
| Aiko110 chapter 6 . 2/6/2011
Aww.. I waz kinda likin the whole DavexNick idea... (Or 'Dick')
Is it alright to ask for a separate fanfic for Dave & Nick?
| TheFutureMrKarofsky chapter 10 . 2/6/2011
Nnnnnnooooooooo! Ugh! Ladies and gentlemen, reason number 274 of why I hate Blaine! Such an awesome couple of chapters, I find myself getting so engrossed in them, I'm even more excited for your next chapter!
| BrittyZombie chapter 10 . 2/4/2011
BLAAAAIINEEEE -shakes fist-
I'm enjoying this :]