|Reviews for Road to Dawn|
| Bluehood103 chapter 2 . 4/9/2013
When the next chapter?
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 3/20/2012
First of all, I've never read a Kingdom Hearts story, but I did play the game once when it first came out. So, I hope that counts...lol. But, I don't remember the characters, except for the Disney ones. But, your writings have brought back a few memories. :) And I must say, well done so far. I don't use a beta either, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's well-written, and I didn't notice any glaring mistakes, so great job. I would definitely be interested to see where this goes. Admittedly, I like a bit of a longer chapter, but I don't think you need it here because it leads to a bit of mystery already. Overall, well done. :)
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 1 . 2/1/2012
I really don't know anything about this fandom so I can't really help you with characterization. However, I still found this chapter to be very enjoyable. Your writing is clear and I didn't catch any mistakes. Well done!
| alicekinsno1 chapter 2 . 1/20/2012
First of all, I'm not actually familiar with this fandom or these characters, so I can't really vouch for their characterization. I will say, though, that I like the interactions the characters have with one another. All the dialogue, from the villain taunting the heroes to the friends chatting with one another and figuring out how to save their friend, felt natural and interesting to read.
I noticed you had a tendency to skip over most of the actual battles between characters, at least in the first chapter; however, that may be justified if you feared cluttering up the story with unnecessary detail. However, the verbal arguments and threats exchanged between characters were very engaging, and any battle scenes that you did describe I found surprisingly well-done, given how difficult it is to write battle scenes out in text.
Spelling and grammar errors seem to be relatively few and far between. There are a few instances that I saw that appeared to be worded a little awkwardly, some of which I listed below:
"and through her heart she had a feeling..."
I've never heard the expression "through her heart" before- perhaps "in her heart" would be what you were aiming for?
"He could just grasp it's tendrils and obtain power"
"It's" tends to be used as a contraction of "it is." If you remove the apostrophe, you will have the normal possessive form "its."
There was also one line that I, speaking as someone who hasn't gotten to know these characters very well, found confusing:
"Aqua had already deduced that something was not quite right with her friend. The sickly golden eyes were an especially good hint."
I'm not sure what to make of this line. First I was confused as to exactly who this friend was, but now I think I have it figured out. What confuses me, though, is that you've referred to this antagonist as "Vanitas" for the entire chapter, even when you seem to be writing from Terra's point of view. Does Terra know that his friend is not his normal self? And if this is the case, then why did it take Aqua so long to figure it out (alternatively, if Aqua realized that something was wrong before Terra, then why do you refer to Ven as Vanitas even while within Terra's own head)? I feel like this could have been clearer with a little more explanation.
However, all in all it was a good story. The ending is a little abrupt, but considering this is part of a wider canon, that may be the point. Good job overall.
| Anon chapter 2 . 11/12/2011
interesting! update soon plz
| fant chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
I love the action scenes, hope they all turn out alright. Aqua sounds so badass
| Flightfoot chapter 2 . 8/14/2011
I like where you're going with this. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this.
| Chibi Ven chapter 1 . 8/5/2011
This is amazing! Please update soon!
| Lynphea chapter 2 . 7/9/2011
ABOUT TIME IS WHAT I SAY *Nerd rages* Seriously update *gives you deathglare*
| XxwerefangmoonxX chapter 2 . 7/7/2011
This fic is interesting! Keep going!
| Writless chapter 2 . 7/3/2011
So, wanted to say ahead of time that the last time I played KH was ages ago, and I really remember very little of the plot itself. So I want to apologize because I feel like my lack of knowledge is going to effect the review, so take it all with a grain of salt.
Anyway, the beginning was very confusing because there were a lot of characters that got introduced at the same time, and I didn't really get a clear picture of any of them in my mind. I feel like a little bit more in the description department would probably help for those of us who are less familiar with the fandom. Also, I got a little confused on who was on ice and why.
I did understand that the three characters were friends and they were fighting against their darker tendencies to 'fight the good fight' so I think you described that very well.
You also had excellent descriptions during the battles and you kept those very engaging and they didn't lag at all.
And, because it so often isn't the case on ffn. Your grammar and spelling was great, there weren't any mistakes that I could recall specifically, which means if there were any, they weren't enough to detract from the story, so excellent work!
| Gr4Yr4iN chapter 1 . 7/2/2011
Wow, this is awesome. If you ask me, you're more than alright writing stuff unbeta-ed. But, and I promise I'm not gonna bother you about ii if you say no, I can be your betreader...if you want.
As a Member of the Critics League, as you are now too, I have to give this a rating out of 10. I would give this a 9/10 anyday. :)
...Ummm, I guess that's all. :)
Gr4Yr4iN, Member of The Critics League.
| Adura Osir chapter 2 . 7/2/2011
I liked it It was well written and flowed nicely. The events were interesting and the character interaction was enjoyable. You did a good job with the battles, one of the stronger parts of the story is the use of descriptors and action/movement.
There were a few mistakes along the way, just a few. Otherwise, it was done well.
| Lynphea chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
| Empress Nightshade chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
Review for "Road To Dawn"
It's an interesting take on the final scene of BBS. Plot-wise, it seems as though Terra is not going to forge with Xehanort or there is going to be some different outcome to the final battle from what I've read so far. Since you're writing it close to cannon and it's AU, I would advise you to show some scenes that are more original in later chapters. The details are good, and there are barely in grammar mistakes. Good job so far.