|Reviews for Symbiosis|
| Lemonycloti4ever chapter 2 . 11/29/2014
Ooooh whatta cloti moment. Love it :3
Dont fret Ms. Author :) no matter what happens we readers support you and still read your stories! Ganbatte!
| Boohbear19 chapter 1 . 6/6/2013
Very well done!
| Jenmoon1 chapter 2 . 3/2/2013
First of all love it second I agree My Idea was to create a sepreat password funchine for parents to block m rated content there problem solved people who manage there own account are the ones that can read m rated fics I am 32 so I should be able to read whatever ever I want The internet is not a parent be a parent people
| randomteenager chapter 1 . 1/24/2013
This was sweet and nicely written. I like how you captured Cloud's insecurity, that was well done. It was nice and your writing style has a poetic element to it.
My only critique is the overuse of italicized words. I know this is personal preference for the writer but to me, some italicized words weren't necessary as the word was already stressed in our heads. I feel putting lots of italicizations takes away from the narrative, but that's just me.
Overall, lovely job, and I love your other stories as well!
| DonB4Real chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
Hot...but in a classy way...kinda like a story from a virgin perspective...good job!
| jtdarkman chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
WOOOOOOW GOOD JOB
| samuraikakashi56 chapter 1 . 7/23/2012
This is such a sweet story!
| preettygabbysz chapter 1 . 6/17/2012
i loved it
| coffeez0m8ie chapter 2 . 6/16/2012
Hehe I loved it! It was so passionate and sweet and deep and just so meaningful! Not only was it all those things but it was classy and tasteful. Great job, really :)
| MissKingdomVII chapter 2 . 6/8/2012
*kisses you* I agree with everything you said.
| DivineKitten chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
Hot story, great characters and most of all, I loved this story, really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the great read! More CloTi lemony goodyness please :D
| Yamiken chapter 1 . 3/28/2011
Well, you've already heard me praise it. Certainly, it's one of the best romance pieces I've read in a good long while. You don't need literacy lessons from me (I STILL can't believe you used a word I hadn't known!), so there's nothing for me to say there. As far as the technical(ish) issues go, the only thing I'd really say is that you seem to suffer a little from a problem I myself know all too well: sometimes, your writing's a little overwrought, and parts of it are redundant. For example, I can't help but feel you abuse italics a little; they can be used for emphasis, but be sparing - there are some instances here where they really weren't necessary, where the emphasis could have been inferred to an appropriate degree without them. There are also a few moments when your phrases are a little complicated and clunky. For examples of both of these, see the longer, in-depth version below.
On the more artistic side of things: I love the emphasis you place on sensation and internal monologue. Seriously, the number of fics I've read where it's pretty much just "they got hot under the collar, they undressed, he stuck his thing in her thing then they both came" (well okay, that's an exaggeration... mostly), reading something as beautiful and centred on what the characters are feeling rather than doing as this is a real relief. Your imagery is also wonderfully varied. If anything, my only criticism is that you focus TOO MUCH on the internal stuff; or, rather, you don't supply enough action to let that develop even further as well. Maybe this is just the perv in me talking, but I felt the sex here was a bit... short. Admittedly if it was much longer you'd probably have to move it over to , but as a piece of erotic fiction, this was wonderful on the fiction but just a little lacking in the erotic department. Again, I should state that adding a bit more going on, so to speak, would let you explore even more sensations as well, albeit of the more physical variety than the emotional kind, and that's exactly what I'd like to see more of in this (or something like it in future).
But, overall, very good! AND NOW, we move on to the...
Well, maybe not so much the 'long version' as the 'going through sentence by sentence and nit-picking'. If this feels too much for you, then by all means just stop reading this review now (or whenever) and just take me comments in the 'short version'; really, this is meant more to substantiate what I was saying there than provide any new themes as such. Anything I mentioned here that doesn't come under that probably only came up once or twice and so isn't a big worry. Also, be warned that this will be light on the praise: I am sadly working to a character limit, and it's easier on this level to pick out what's wrong than what's right. There will be one or two positive moments, but expect it to be mostly nit-picks.
And now, without further ado, let's begin.
"... an equally soft whimper from aforementioned young woman from her vulnerable faceup position on the full-sized mattress."
Clearly you're missing a definite article here, but I expect that's a typo, so moving on. "Aforementioned" is a lovely word. I quite like it myself. However, it sounds very clinical, and is unnecessary here. I'd remove it myself. Furthermore, the two "from"s in close succession sound very clunky, so I'd change one - perhaps change the latter to "in"?
"Finally, finally, he was beginning to come together again."
The "beginning" here is probably the first particularly egregious use of italics that I noticed (apologies that I can't show the formatting here). Particularly following on from the "finally", it just feels a bit too much.
"And out of everyone, he had Tifa to thank for that…"
One technical thing I didn't note before because it didn't crop up too much was that sometimes, you could do with being a bit more consistent with the POV you're writing from. You don't have to write the entire story from one person's POV, certainly, but switching mid-paragraph is generally considered bad form. And this sentence seems a bit uncharacteristic coming from Tifa - yet the sentence prior was definitely hers. It only happened once or twice, hence why I didn't discuss it before, but still, this is the sort of thing experienced writers will call you out for, so be careful with it.
"... the gentle wind that whispered eternal promises of, "I'll always be by your side…." and "You're never alone…", and the blazing fire that fueled his will to live, not for anyone else."
The two bits of direct speech felt a bit clunky when I read them - I'd advise turning them into more concise reported speech somehow. The "and" immediately afterwards felt like it was intruding; if you elided it, I think it'd create a nice effect. Finally, the "not for anyone else" at the end wasn't quite clear... it seems like it should be contrasting with something, but it there's nothing I can see for it to contrast with. I think I figured out what you meant to say with it in the end, but it took a few moments.
"Just for the two of them."
More unnecessary italics on "them". Doesn't seem needed here.
"Cloud closed his eyes and went a small step further by suckling and nipping—just a little—at the skin, slowly losing himself in Tifa's satisfaction, taking his own pleasure from it."
Again, small POV issues - this sentence is Cloud, the rest of the paragraph is Tifa. Bad form.
""… More…" and he understood."
A few issues here. First of all, point of view issue; the fragment after the speech doesn't make sense coming from Tifa's POV, yet this is mid-SENTENCE; changing POV there is definitely a no-no. Secondly, having sentence both sides of direct speech like that is something to avoid; starting a new sentence, or otherwise restructuring it; would be good. And finally, more unnecessary italics on the "understood"; the verb here is naturally emphasised, so it doesn't really need the additional help.
"The rasp seemed so much louder than it should have been; it was driving Tifa insane."
Italics, again. "Louder" isn't a particularly exciting word; it doesn't really need any more emphasis than it naturally has from its position after the "so much".
""... I… want to show you how much I love you, the way I should have; the way I never did…""
Italics. "Show", "should", "did"; I would argue that they are naturally emphasised by their meaning, and therefore putting them in italics is unnecessary. "Show", in particularly, is not contrasting anything; it's not like it was suggested he'd tell her how much he loves her or anything. "Should" and "did" are a bit more excusable, but I still say it's not needed here; the pair of them contrast quite naturally.
""… Will you let me…?""
"Let": perhaps the most egregious example of unneeded italics in the whole piece. It's contrasting with nothing whatsoever; emphasis here is not just superfluous, it's actually I think a detriment.
Italics. The word 'still' is naturally contrastive, it only needs emphasis when it's contrasting with something particularly long and/or spectacular. What preceded it was neither.
"The contact was so light."
And now, after several instances of banging on about the same point, I'll break it up with a bit of praise. It's short, sweet sentences like this interspersing the longer ones used as standard that really show your quality as a writer. Good work.
"They broke apart for a second or two before rejoining with more fervor."
However, it would've been better if you'd followed with some of the same spirit here. This isn't too bad, but I'd say that adding a comma for breath between clauses, and then maybe replacing the "before gerund" with a "then finite verb", would be better, keeping the light, slightly feverish feel you created so well with the previous and indeed subsequent sentences, the feel of young lovers joining for the first time (see, I can wax poetic too xD ).
"And so the sinner sinned once more, accepting the she-devil's invitation and falling into the shadow."
Something a little less technical this time. The imagery here, although vivid, confused me; you portray their love, and their union, as something quite... if not necessarily pure, then certainly on the whole good, throughout the rest of the story, so why the 'perverse lust' idea here? It's good for what it is, but against the rest of the piece it stuck out like a sore thumb to me. Just thought I'd mention that.
"He, in an attempt to release these noises, found an unusual burst of bravery and boldness within himself that he didn't even know existed..."
Firstly, "he" is an uninteresting word, particularly given that it's the same subject as in the preceding clause (even if that was a subordinate clause). It shouldn't be separated out at the beginning of the sentence like that, I think; rather, put the adverbial phrase first, then keep the rather weak subject with its verb. Secondly, "existed" doesn't need italics. Sorry, it just doesn't. P
"... a private concert meant only for Cloud to witness."
Do you witness a concert? 'Witness', to me, is heavily associated with sight rather than any of the other senses like hearing; I'd use a different verb here.
"All that subsisted was he and she and the personal Xanadu in which only they existed."
This is another pat on the back. I love the "Xanadu" imagery. And the italics actually work here, kudos. Although, does 'subsisted' work as the verb? I haven't looked it up, so I may be querying wrongly, but it sounds wrong to me, I fear.
""Please don't stop!""
But italics don't work here. Neither "please" nor "stop" needs them; certainly both don't. The sentence is just fine without them.
Anyway... I'm running out of space now, I'm afraid. There's probably things I could say about the remainder, but I'll have to cut it off here I fear. All nit-picking aside, I'll reaffirm: this is a
| TigerCookies chapter 1 . 2/9/2011
Wow, just Wow its really hard to find a good Cloud and Tifa Fanfic (because there is just so many)but this one is great, its well writen and you should be satisfied XD
| ReliReli chapter 1 . 2/3/2011
Was really good, I really like that part where the made like rabbits and-
Was calm and slow, I think anyone that adores romance would love it. (I don't have a strong sense for romance) I like how you kept it at a steady pace. I can also tell you put a lot of time, thought, and emotion into it. Awesome job with the ending as well. Endings that aren't sudden are the best kind.
| DarkHeianPrincess chapter 1 . 1/23/2011
Absolutely amazing! Probably the most well-written love scene I've ever read in my life! I burn with envy!:)