|Reviews for Miscalculation|
| xyz chapter 1 . 11/18/2014
Oh god, I feel sick. That was just monstrous. At first I thought it was just going to be a fic about regrets and maybe a bit of hope brought by the baby, and so I didn't understand why Ty Lee had left, but then I read "born of a candle and her steady hand" and I turned pale myself. The way the baby is described as a happy, smiling baby just makes it worse: he's happy and smiling and loves his mother, but she's an insane woman who's disfigured him for life. He doesn't understand that now, but when he's older, how will he feel (assuming he lives long enough and isn't killed by his deranged mother before then)? Not to mention how must he have felt when she actually burnt him: a candle held close to his face, moved slowly around as his flesh burns, as he screams and cries and thrashes in terror. I'll have nightmares tonight.
I feel really sad now. The fic was great and well written, but just so, so depressing and ghastly. Any chance of a more positive sequel? Mai slowly starting to regain her sanity and trying to atone for what she's done? I'm just squeamish I suppose, but I want that baby to get a happy ending. Few things get to me more than babies being abused.
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/17/2014
That ending was absolutely horrific. Somebody take that poor baby away from that madwoman. I shudder imagining the excruciating pain he must have gone through. It's awful that he still loves his mother, even though she's done that to him. He must have been bewildered and terrified and in agony. The second she saw the burn, Ty Lee should have chi-blocked her lunatic of a friend, grabbed the baby, and then ran like mad.
| BlueLion chapter 1 . 8/29/2014
OH MY GOD! What a closure - it's horrible - but brilliant plot idea!
| The Struggling Warrior chapter 1 . 7/4/2013
Woah, that was...different. I always do like the dark twist endings that people imagine. This was a good one.
| TripOfDeath chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
Damn, that stinger man, I mean I was expecting something bad but that really knocked it out of the park. I guess what I mean to say is good job.
| 2shadows chapter 1 . 7/23/2011
Wow. I have to say, that shocked me. I mean, Mai and Ty Lee seemed so in-character, and I suppose for the AU, they both really were. I had to read the last few paragraphs twice though, understanding why Ty Lee ran the second time through, close to tears.
Your words were powerful, and the tone was the perfect balance of dark and that sligghtest bit of hope for Mai and her baby until the end. At that point I was in shock, but not too shocked to believe that her grip on reality wouldn't loosen enough for her to do that.
Overall, you did an amazing job.
| Nuka's Lover chapter 1 . 6/27/2011
Umm, that was... Wow. The last bit was...scary. I love it.
| Amy Raine chapter 1 . 5/18/2011
That's scary creepy. I seriously got chills. I'm not sure Mai would do such a thing, but it works for the story.
| Half formed demon chapter 1 . 2/27/2011
that was so perfect and beautiful
| swagsuke-kun chapter 1 . 2/2/2011
Oh jeez. That's twisted and way dark, but I like it. I would have never thought up something like that. I feel bad for that baby, and Zuko and Mai too.
| meltinglacier chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
Woah. I loved this. This is definitely going on my Favorites list. Lemme explain why:
Okay, so, I loved the way you established what was going on using the dialogue between Mai and Ty Lee without giving us a huge infodump. You gradually introduced a whole AU world in just this one-shot, which is awesome.
I also had to smile at the part where it's mentioned that Ty Lee's got notes on her arm. That seems to me to be a very Ty Lee thing to do.
I liked that "so unlike boiling flesh" line. It's abrupt and starts off the realization that something is not quite right. When you got into the details about the nightmares and Mai's guilt, I started to feel really sad. The description that you used when writing Mai's pain was good; I really got a sense of the raw desperation surounding her.
Then, of course, there was the ending. Shocking, disturbing, and creepy. I loved it.
You also kept both Mai and Ty Lee in-character, which is always good.
The only thing that I didn't like is that I wondered how Ty Lee hadn't seen the baby's burn. I don't know, you'd think that she'd notice something like that. Of course, it made for a good ending, her being all shocked and rushing out, and it was a good reaveal to the reader, but surely she isn't so vapid as to not notice Mai's baby has a burn on his face?
Well, anyway, that's what I liked and didn't like about your story. But what I didn't like about it didn't detract away from what I liked about it.
| Shadow Wasserson chapter 1 . 1/19/2011
So dark. And so well done. This is great.
| MainCrick chapter 1 . 1/19/2011
She's crazy. But again, it's a very good story
| TheMissAdventurer chapter 1 . 1/18/2011
Wow. Ok. Give me a minute to recover and collect my thoughts.
Honestly, this is one of the most powerful things I've read in a while. I've always kind of considered the idea of Mai not being there/choosing not to save Zuko and the others at the BR in the back of my mind, but it changes the storyline so much that I've chosen to ignore it. Until now.
It's always difficult to kill off a main character from a series (especially when it's Zuko!), but your presentation was flawless and believable...even if it did make me sad. I think you really captured the emotions of Mai and Ty Lee perfectly; I can see this happening, despite how crazy it all seems. Plus, when you throw the teen mother aspect into the mix, everything gets even more complicated and very, very tragic.
You started out very vague and it took some time for me to really understand what was happening, but I imagine that that was the exact effect you were going for. And also, congrats on covering a lot of ground in not so many words- you established an entire AU plot with plenty of emotions (however subtle) to go around.
But I have to say, what really did it for me (the reason I'm giving you a novel for a review :)) is the strange, almost hidden obsessive madness that's going on with Mai, a point which I think a lot of people reading this might overlook. It's great how you make Mai seem like herself, handling everything fine, even though Ty Lee sees a problem, and until the end you managed to convince me that Ty Lee was exaggerating and was just feeling bad for her. And then you mention the dark dreams and the violent thoughts she has and you realize she's definitely far from ok. And then once I got to the end, I was completely terrified for her and her sanity. I kind of felt like I was reading one of those "unreliable narrator" stories like Poe and Gilman are famous for, in which the main character insists that they're not insane but still does horrific things. I hope that makes sense :)
So yes, this was quite the tragic read for me, but it made a big impression. Plenty of kudos to you, and good luck in future writing!