|Reviews for Setsuninto Path Katsujinken Way|
| Aurora Lopez chapter 8 . 12/15/2014
when are you going to write chapters 3-7 of Setsuninto Path Katsujinken Way,please because thise story very good bye. write me back!
| andyn1993 chapter 8 . 6/7/2014
interesting indeed, your story in the beginning kinda boring but get better and probably more. i just wish you'll update soon, i can't wait to read next chapter
| Silvanatri chapter 8 . 6/24/2013
This story is rather amazing and unique, i hope you continue it.
| scriptnear chapter 8 . 7/25/2011
I like that you explain his past really well. I think you might be showing him off a bit too much, but he's modest enough to pull it off.
| The Epitome of Eccentricity chapter 1 . 7/25/2011
...His tale began in the 13th century...
| scriptnear chapter 6 . 5/31/2011
I like it. Its strange, but really good. Keep up the good work, can't wait for the next chapter.
| god of all chapter 6 . 5/28/2011
Great chapter and story so far pleases continue this story soon.
| Dragon VS Phoenix chapter 4 . 5/16/2011
quiet nice though it's kind of obvious that naruto is alto just reborn or something also seems quiet the nice fanfic.
| OniRudra37 chapter 2 . 4/3/2011
read it... liked it... interesting... more please
| OniRudra37 chapter 1 . 4/3/2011
interesting very fluid, tis appreciated not so many follow the old story ways so much anymore excellent first chapter.
| Hugo Reed chapter 2 . 2/6/2011
Ok this is what I was talking about, this feels a bit too long, and eventually your eyes want to skim just to reach the end. Now your style in and of itself is good, not perfect, but pretty good. Just as a grammar note, when you do italics for thoughts, don't enclose them in parentheses. It's supposed to be one or the other.
It's good that he's having dreams and they are mysterious, that's bang on. It would be more involving if you give a quick snatch of the dream, just to have the reader feel it as well. There's a few occasional bumps, such as when he describes the clothes. It seems very awkward to have him say "I was wearing a ashen gray Komino" It kind of just comes out of nowhere. Instead give some excuse to draw attention to it. Perhaps he removes it because he's hot, or is getting dressed, or the wind lifts it up, be creative.
Last big note, use more sensory details about the world around him. Aside from dialogue, he's almost completely detached from what's currently happening, either in the future or the past.
Overall, these ares are small notes, but it's the small things that go from damn good to fucking awesome. Personally I recommend you continue with a few fanfiction stories, get some reviews going, then move on to original stuff. Who knows, maybe we'd both be best sellers.
Hope this helped, and sorry it took so long.
Take care, HR
| Hugo Reed chapter 1 . 2/6/2011
Alright couple of things here. Firstly, your style is good. It's descriptive, and drawing. However, MAJOR issue here... it's too short. I know this sounds like a petty complaint. The key to length of chapters is to get it long enough to draw the reader into the world, but not so long it feels like a chore to read it all. Personally I set it at between 2000 and 3000 words per chapter, just as a rough guess.
However, this is a prologue so maybe that changes. Get rid of the authors notes. Disclaimers aren't needed, everyone knows this isn't your work and really the notes you leave feel like your begging to be reviewed. Now you are, but you don't want to sound like it because it gives them the power. Just as you gave me power by contacting me as you did. I'll see what else you have going on here.
| OpForce chapter 2 . 2/2/2011
I decided not to log in. I fail to see the point.
You asked for a review so I will give you one.
Don't expect it to be pretty though.
The only thing that I found decent though is the descriptions when you need to describe the environment, landscape or otherwise.
With your first chapter is too short, it is hard for me to say that I really enjoyed what I read when I didn't really read anything. You need a lengthen it a bit to really start capturing anyone's attention.
The second chapter, well, you still had that decent descriptive style of yours. You were consistent, which is not bad, until there was dialogue between characters. Since you are writing this in first person, narration is quite important because at this point you are trying to sell your character. Dialogue is a great opportunity to develop your characters, minor and major, but I failed to find the interactions interesting.
Perhaps a great deal of interest was lost given that this story is built upon a cliche theme, thus the stuff that is going to be said is going to be leading into a cliche plot.
Biases aside, like what Angel Wings 008 said in his/her review (I can almost guarantee it is a her because no typical young adult male would want anyone to know he has an obsession to things that look like Tinkerbell) your choice of words and punctuation also lead to a case where interest is diminished. I personally do not like reading anything that is not structured well. Follow her advice in this department.
Your dialogue does not seem to be enriched in flavour, if you can grasp what I am talking about. It doesn't seem to bring out the character, rather it just looks like a group of people engaged in a set of scripts. In first person format, the narrator is telling the reader a story from his perspective, so you can think of your dialogue as the narrator telling a story about him talking to people. This incorporates acting, feel as though you are the character and tell people what the character is feeling when he is being challenged by those who doubt him. And since this is 1st person, everything that is not dialogue IS his thoughts.
You heard me. Everything that is not dialogue is the narrator's thoughts. Marking his thoughts in italics not only makes it redundant, its stupid. You are better off just not cancel those 'thoughts' and add more detail description to enrich your story. I am not asking you to increase your chapter length by 300 percent, but how do you expect anyone to take this story seriously when you are not writing enough to give them that confidence?
I hope this helped in some way.
| MehaandIruka chapter 2 . 1/29/2011
Ohhh,a cliffie. Very nice. I'm even more interested in what is gonna happen next. Good job!
| Chengar Qordath chapter 2 . 1/29/2011
Since you asked me to review, here's my review:
The opening two chapters have been pretty solid. The first chapter was incredibly vague, but you seem to have been aiming for a cryptic prologue that would draw attention and leave readers wanting to find out what was going on, so that works. The second chapter has done a good job of giving us a nice start to things; we have a main character and a conflict, which are always the two most important elements of a story. So far the writing has been very solid; I'm not a great editor, but but no major spelling or grammar issues jumped out at me when I read it.
As other folks have said, you should probably be posting this story under the Crossovers section; this story is probably going to be a bit hard to follow for someone who does not know the other two series that you're drawing on. Crossover fan-fiction is tricky to pull of, can work if it's done right. in fact, I've gotten into more than one fandom after reading a good crossover. However, you should probably bear in mind that not everyone is going to be familiar with all the crossover elements.
The one concerning thing at the moment is the disconnection from the main Naruto universe. Starting off centuries before the birth of the Sage of Six Paths means there's going to be just about nothing that's familiar to Naruto readers, and people read fan-fiction to see the characters and settings they're familiar with. There's nothing wrong with starting things off in the distant past, but if the story stays there too long you will start to have people getting annoyed by the large number of OCs and absence of the familiar cast. Presumably some of these characters and story elements are from the series that you're drawing on; nothing wrong with that, but it will throw off people who are expecting a Naruto fan-fic.