|Reviews for Transference|
| Guy who may like dragons chapter 5 . 12/4/2013
Since you have pretty clear transition signals right now I'm starting to become more and more satisfied. The story is great so far and it really hooks the reader, but there are still a few things I've been thinking about. What happened to Nut and Rad? I get that they freaked out when they touched the humans' mind, but how did they cope with it? I guess that they spoke with their humans, but maybe some more info could have been needed?
I've been giving you some negatives here, but overall I really love this story.
| Guy who may like dragons chapter 4 . 12/4/2013
Somewhere in this chapter I started seeing some proper transition signals. Using a single bold letter in italics is pretty subtle, but fully sufficient in my opinion and it narrows the amount of possible complaints I could give you.
I'm pretty intrigued by the story this far, so I'll just keep reading.
| Guy who may like dragons chapter 2 . 12/4/2013
This story is generally pretty well written, and it has plenty of hooks. One thing you really need to note however is that it's NOT ok to change POV without an indication. You need something to indicate the change, preferably a line break. This is a really big issue since it makes the text harder and less enjoyable to read, and adds to any confusion the reader may already experience.
You've done a ridiculously good job with the troll mage, having him feel remorse and everything (and a good job with the rest of the character), but please do something about the transitions! This is too good to be stopped by some mere POV changes.
| pacificuser chapter 1 . 12/12/2011
cool! you know,this is pretty good workneeds a bit of serious proof-reading though. For one,the initial 1st person point-of-view does not really work. you'd be better off with a standard 3rd person starting POV. if you truly want this work to be published,its needs a bit more polishing.
| kagedinabox chapter 8 . 3/8/2011
OMG I am going to need you to write the follow up to this so I know what is going to happen! What will be of his wife, will they ever go back? so many questions!