Reviews for Breathlessness
lowi chapter 1 . 4/7/2012
Oh, this was absolutely perfect!

I really ship TheoDaphne, and I've read a lot of entries for this challenge, but I have to say yours stand out among them, Ellie!

I love how it was like one long story, instead of short snippets, and the way there was so much beat to it, when reading it aloud (at least in my mind, i dunno).


Great work, Ellie!
no longer used9 chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
I loved the numbering, and how you said so much with so few words. Genius!
overstreets chapter 1 . 11/13/2011
Je l'adore.

I love DaphneTheo, and this was a really interesting twist on this :3
mysteriouslife chapter 1 . 8/21/2011
Woah, couldn't you continue this? I would love to know what happens, and who this other boy is!
Jemennuie chapter 1 . 8/11/2011
Interesting; I wasn't really expecting this one-shot to be what it was (that is, I was expecting it to be a pairing in a more traditional the-boy-gets-the-girl sort of way), but I liked that unexpectedness.
Billadora chapter 1 . 7/20/2011

Wow, this was so good... I can imagine Theo running his way to Daphne. 3 I hope he did get there before anything wrong did happen
Schermionie chapter 1 . 4/8/2011
Wow, Theo did pick his moment, didn't he? I'm guessing he slept in. )

I have to say, this is probably the cheekiest of the entries for this challenge that I've read so far. I adored the theme of urgency and running and time passing because it suited the structure of the story so well, and there was this quick quality of the words and phrasing ('handsome'!) that was bordering on amusing. Here this poor man/boy was, running for this life and his love, feeling his heart breaking... and I almost felt amused. In a sort of encouraging, 'Go for it!' way, of course, but even so, his predicament was kind of funny.

Definitely my favourite line would be the last one - it summed everything up so perfectly well, and left us hanging on this one urgent word. Did he get there? Didn't he get there? Gah! A lot of entries included the numbers, but this has to be one of the cleverer ones, because they served such an important part in setting the *mood* of the story. The way you put them on their own lines too, rather than on the same lines as the words, was very effective, because it separated each glimpse he was getting of her... it sort of felt like they obscured what he was seeing for a moment, and then when he could see again, the situation had changed. And then they were also like his feet hitting the ground as he ran.

So - wonderful use of structure, wording and tone (I particularly liked the admonishments: his self-chastisements really made this seem like these were his thoughts), and a lovely little concept, too. In fact there's only one thing I could criticise, and I guess this might just be more a matter of personal preference than anything. Personally, I can't really see a pure-blooded wizard such as Theo using 'God', so I found this a little jarring.

But everything else was -brill-. You went in a... well, direction, that I wasn't expecting, and I rather enjoyed the result. Will you consider writing something else for this challenge in the future? I'd love to see what else you could come up with.

Thanks for this short and sweet 'un. It put a smile on my face. :)

[Oh, and a review for 'fracturing shadows' is coming - I promise. ]
ofabeautifulnight chapter 1 . 3/23/2011
Oh, I loved this. k3
potterofanka chapter 1 . 2/1/2011
Nice job ;)
Inkfire chapter 1 . 1/30/2011
This was awesome! I loved the running theme, it was very well handled, with the italics and all :D great job :D
GOODBYEFRIENDS chapter 1 . 1/29/2011
Oh! This is wonderful! :D I love it, it's dramatic, yet amazing. You somehow take my breath away with just so little words, really amazing. 3
Hawka chapter 1 . 1/23/2011
Liked it as I like all yours :). This has huge potential, I'd love to see an expansion but it certainly draws you in and you tell a surprisingly full story in 10 lines :).
hopelessromantic549 chapter 1 . 1/22/2011
damn damn! i love this so much.
thecivilunrest chapter 1 . 1/20/2011
This was great, really. Such a unique take on the challenge, in my opinion. You always do write such fantastic Daphne/Theo stuff, and you didn't dissapoint with this fic at all.
Rising From The Flames chapter 1 . 1/20/2011
I like it a lot! I love how you've used the theme of running :P
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