|Reviews for A Necessary Gift: A Harry Potter Story|
| Justin chapter 15 . 3/7/2013
Great story ya got here. Love it. Go ahead and make it a OrionXDaphne please. Has potential!
| aos123 chapter 9 . 3/6/2013
This is the best
| Thot84 chapter 19 . 3/6/2013
I must say that I'm pleasantly surprised by this story so far.
Normally, I avoid time-jump-/alternative-dimension-stories like the plague, since the huge majority of the authors aren't really interested in writing these AU-stories as a Harry Potter tale mostly "with a twist", but as an mere outlet how the saga is suppossed to happen in the first place or with whom Harry is supposed to end up in the first place (something like: finally, he sees the light) or how stupid J.K. Rowling is or whatever else, turning the whole thing into a "twisted abonimation“ - I know, harsh words but justified in most cases.
Contrary to that, your story perserves the duality of the characters: Draco remains a witty but spoilt brat, Snape is a greasy git with one or two someway "redeeming" qualities (poisining Footswitch fits so much into the Death Eater mindset of Snape) etc.
Especially your handling of Dumbledore is to be pointed out, even if personally im my case I wouldn't use some judgements on him (e.g. „the old bastard“), but I have to acknowledge the fact and commend you for doing one thing: You captured quite nicely the main issue, that the things making him appear inhuman are caused by his quite human flaws (e.g. desire for power).
I'm always puzzled up to gobsmaked about the viciousness of the fanfiction community concerning Dumbledore's character: here on it gets more and more common for "good dumbls"-warning showing up in the summaries - I mean: seriously!? Although, I can figure that authors are getting fed up with reviews starting rants how "stupid"/"naiive" it is to show Dumbledore in any positive light and they just want to save themself the trouble.
The total lack of clemency, the determinition to simplefy the whole case plus turning everything into a huge conspiracy theory and the vehemence of condaming him reminds so much of the way Rita Skeeter is always handling "scandals", it really startles me - especially when the same authors rant about that figure just as much in the story later on. ;)
For example, the headmasters "joking around" is merely perceved as a technic to throw people off his malignance or to lure people into his sphere of influence, while hardly anybody points out the impression that it could be a defence mecanism/a method of self-preservation. Like he is telling himself constantly: "Albus, don't take yourself too seriously - you know how that ended the last time you did."
But I don't want to start a whole Dumbles discussion. I just wanted to point out that you show at least a basic respect towards every single characters of this fandom, and don't just use them as a mere "projection screen" for your own desires.
That's one of the highest praise I can give for a fanfiction author.
But like everything good critic - or at least anybody who doesn't want to be a mere yeasayer - there are some points to be mentioned for improvement from my point of view:
1. There are some few blunt "personal" judgements in it, which let no doubt about your own opinions on some subjects: Harry declaring the 'chosen one thing' from the start of the story as "non-sense", going so far as to declare his final identity-switch as a simple "never again putting up with the whole Chosen One nonsense" (chapter three). I get it, to come to this conclusion; I get it that Harry would get serious doubts about this after still losing the war, but this immediate switch with no developing steps in between, at least non to follow for the readers directly, and the absoluteness of his rejection (although he was clearly emotionally invested/convinced of it in The Deathly Hollows; althought it accomplished feats considered hardly possible like making Voldemort mortal again, putting him out of the picture forever and killing the Dark Lord without turning Harry into a killer) it appears little bit sudden. What about Sirius taking up the "nonsense" point of view during the huge talk in , while Harry shows a more conflicted angle (calling the whole thing something like "the burden of being the chosen one" or the problematic "constrains of being the chosen one")? I think espcially “constrains“ would fit in this story, since stress out so much rightly, how many people are not thinking outside of their own picture.
Which leads me to my second point:
2. The ease of the identity-switch in one aspect: I think you touched only once on the topic of this Orion Black business not just being a "turning himself into a pureblood heir" but also a "turning away from his own heritage" by Harry's regret of loosing his mother's eyes in chapter five ("Harry experienced a pang of loss at the thought of never again being told he had Lily Potter's eyes, but consoled himself with the realisation that at least he no longer needed glasses.") Your way of handling the interaction between Harry and Sirius is really good (the awkwardness at some times, the staring "intimacy" of parental relationship etc.), but the excluding of the 'Harry might betray the memory of his parents'-topic robs him of an important factor in his character developement (there are tons of good arguments for Harry in fact not betraying his parents' memory, starting with them surely wanting Harry to be happy and ending somewhere with James particually wishing for Sirius filling out the role of a father for Harry instead of him under the circumstances).
But all of this clearly remains 'complaining on a high level'. :)
At the end, here some more technical views on the story: your style of writing is a good mix of plot pace and embellishing descriptions, the gramma is decent (although I'm sure you had that "me and I" mix-up at some point, something like "It was him and I.") and the spelling is surely good enough to ensure the continued flow of reading (although you should look out more to put in commas like "That's up to you, Draco." or "He was going along the way, too." or "Finally, he settled down." - personally, I don't see the meaning in those commas for words like 'too' and 'finally' at the beginning and end of sentences, but those are the rules)
Wow, I see that this review got a little bit out of hand in length, but I console myself with the fact that it's more of a “whole story so far“ review, instead of a single one for this last chapter alone.
All the best of wishes,
P.S.: I hope it doesn't remain unfinished. *using puppy eyes to cause guilt* :)
| X59 chapter 19 . 3/5/2013
This is a really good interesting with amazing twists and turns.
Hermione being sorted in Slytherin, Voldemort's heritage being revealed, and the Philosopher's Stone stolen were really surprising.
At the same time it's worrisome that a Goblin-Wizard could be in the future.
I can't wait to see how things progress.
| mist shadow chapter 19 . 3/3/2013
hmm, considering the twins emulate the Prewett twins (well, in the other world they did, and they still like Fabian), then with Harry's prodding, the werewolves can become a ready force to brew WWW products for the future shop. *snicker* well, isn't that a blast?
| mist shadow chapter 18 . 3/3/2013
Sirius is an idiot. but we all knew that. and the fact that he was groomed into being a stereotypical Griffyndor in those 7 years, and had not time to really grow out of that naturally. so really, him running off half cocked makes sense
interesting explanation about financial situation of Hogwarts. though I would expect it is the muggleborns who pay the higher fees, but who knows, we are never told one way or another
| mist shadow chapter 17 . 3/3/2013
I don't really know if giving Snape a reason to enjoy life, or at least a purpose, is such a good idea. but out of all the people we know, he is the only decent potioneer. more than pity
| mist shadow chapter 16 . 3/3/2013
Harry is making one essential mistake, Hermione's parents could potentially be the authority figures she could listen to and vent her frustration with not comprehending the traditions and culture, but they are on the normal side, from mid-class family, so they won't be able to help her much. *sigh*
| mist shadow chapter 15 . 3/3/2013
you know, that prank while viscous, but in the end has no lasting effects. and that might be a problem, he will get even more intolerable, now that he can't vent his grievances with everything muggle out loud. I hope the boys know that
| mist shadow chapter 14 . 3/3/2013
damn, things are way worse for werewolves in this world, aren't they? being evicted for basically having rabies. ugh. I can understand both sides on the argument, but still
poor boys, annoyingly overbearing aunts are such a hassle, aren't they? especially if you cannot avoid them and having to listen to them play match maker
| mist shadow chapter 13 . 3/3/2013
ah, the small little changes, like the Prewett twins being alive, but divided. I wonder if Molly is still the same overbearing mother bear, cause she still had to cry for her brothers, even if not for their deaths. and I can see Percy and Ron joining ranks with the main family.
hmm, one of the traits of a good prankster is to get the intended target. one of the traits of a very good prankster is not to get caught. one of the traits of an exceptional prankster, is not to be incriminated in the prank at all. wonder how this partnership will work out
| mist shadow chapter 12 . 3/3/2013
Harry really needs to brush up on science, especially chemistry and biology, if he wants to make convincing arguments to muggleborns. knowing the facts and theory can help make a point after all
| mist shadow chapter 11 . 3/3/2013
with how mature he is, and the story being written from his pov, and him ignoring most of the typical conversation going on, it is so easy to forget that these are 11 year olds, not even teenagers
| mist shadow chapter 10 . 3/3/2013
there he goes, making assumptions again. and using legilimency to sort kids? abh, makes more sense if it can read auras or smth, which reflects the personality traits and sorts like that
and he should've guessed, he himself begged the Hat originally not to get sorted into Slythering as Malfoy was sorted there. wonder if he will remember to do anything about Luna next year?
| mist shadow chapter 9 . 3/2/2013
heh, see, Dobby is different! though he is still defiant, so the original reason is still valid. sometimes I wonder if he was originally a Potter elf, who somehow got snatched by Malfoys. He hates and resents the family too much. or if it just a quirk of genetics and personality. or wrongly cast bond?