|Reviews for Run in the Dark|
| Royal Kenya chapter 4 . 8/22/2013
Again, why aren't there any more reviews for this. You know, this story probably could have been stretched into a bunch of chapters, yet you summed it up in four. What is so cool about that is, you gave characters pretty much a full identity (Samus sharp tongued, yet still a very emotional person internally. Marth, as I mentioned before. And even though Link had a few lines, can I just say he is a bad ass? Lol) This was a very developed story that you summed up in four chapters quite impressively. There was humor, light romance, suspense, and all that good jazz!
And Sammie and Marth are in good luvin! Haha, love it. Even when he saves her, she cannot let up that Samus charm and the same with him. Heh, they're so made for each other. Anyhoo, again, this was so good and entertaining from line to line. I look forward to reading other works from you. Keep up the fantastic work!
| Royal Kenya chapter 2 . 8/22/2013
I love this! I really do. The relationship of Marth and Samus' is one like I have never seen on here before, so points for that! One error I saw was right before Samus introduced herself as female:
"He wanted showoff? He'd give HER showoff."
Her gender was revealed a tad early. But that's a simple fixup. Anyway, again, I am just in love with Marth's character. There's just something intriguing about those witty/sarcastic real voices that I love. On to the next chapter!
| Royal Kenya chapter 1 . 8/22/2013
I am surprised there are so few reviews for this fic. I've only read the first chapter, (not completely understanding what exactly is going on), but I am hooked! Marth's voice is just awesome. I love the wittiness of his dialogue. Most importantly, it does not hold back. All his feelings about being betrayed, love, anger, are all true blue and colorful and I love that. Plus, I'm hooked since this is a MarthxSamus anyway, And we got a plot rolling already in so few words. Impressive!
Heh, I think Marth's right. This is going to be a long night, and also a very interesting story.
| nooby-noob chapter 4 . 8/16/2013
i love this story. .It
| Number Six-Sixtysix chapter 4 . 3/11/2011
And with that, your sins are forgiven. I guess the person who died would be the equivalent of Toon Link. But having Link pull out a grenade launcher... I admit I squee’d just a little bit. Now THAT is Link.
After that, you have a fairly good wind down, although I feel like I missed out on an in-joke with the prince and hunter replacements (I’ve never played... Fire Emblem?... The game they’re from). So, bravo. I hope to see more from you later.
| Number Six-Sixtysix chapter 3 . 2/13/2011
So, what, Link can hear Snake talking on the other side of the factory (warehouse, wherever they are), but he can't hear Snake walking over to him? Hell, he even knew it was a setup (I'm assuming thats what he heard) but he still doesn't react quick enough to, if not save his own skin, give a good account of himself to his opponent? Other than completely destroying one of my favorite characters, pretty good chapter.
| Austin again chapter 1 . 1/22/2011
Odd... the review messed up the paragraphing thing I wanted to show you... just take a look at your story.
| Austin chapter 1 . 1/22/2011
Alright, since Psy isn't allowed to review due to judge-ness... I'm doing this one.
Alright, what I'd like to say now is that you have a pretty nice opening. And I gotta admit, you know your Noir.
Onto the concrit. For some strange reason, most of your paragraphing is all bunched up. I don't know if it's the site or not, but take a look. One moment, it's this:
"Murphy's Law: If something can go wrong, it will. Story of my life, as you can probably tell from looking at it.
I suppose I better introduce myself. My name's Marth Lowell. I went from one of the best secret agents to a cheap private eye in the cheapest part of True City. Even as I walk through these sad, crumbling streets I wonder just how the hell everything went wrong.
And then she paged me for the first time in five years, and now I'm walking towards a dark alley in the darkest part of the town ruled by the darkest crime lord in history – Tabuu Lawliet. I came real close to taking him down once, but failed and had to fake my own death – to the extent of becoming a cheap private eye. And all because of her."
And the next moment...
"Teached me something, I can tell you. As you could guess, I didn't trust her completely – wait, at all. That's why I was armed. Compact variant of the Five SeveN, my personal favorite handgun in the world – never leave home without it. Call me a Splinter Cell fan boy if you want, but it's got the stopping power, range, and makes hardly any sound when it's got the silencer on…
…not that it would help much in the situation I've just found myself in. Like I said, Murphy's Law – if something could go wrong, it will."
Basically, I'm trying to say that your paragraphing is kind of... bunched. It's rather hard on the eyes. If you don't have spaces in between paragraphs, I'm sitting here thinking that you are just running half of the stuff into one paragraph. Watch yourself.
Another thing. Psyche's doing quite a bit of research on her Noir right now. The (slight) problem with that is that you didn't give much background on it. Next chapter, either weave a bit of background on Noir into your writing or give an author's note explaining what it is. That'll save the judges time and thus make them less tired. It's a human thing, really. If you spend too much time on something and switch to something else, you usually won't do that something else to the best of your ability.
"One, they were still lousy shots…and two, they wanted me alive."
That was a bit awkward. Try splitting that one sentence up into two. It'll flow a bit better.
"One, they were still lousy shots...
Two, they wanted me alive..."
"'The big boss wants you alive. Those were tranquilizers, you idiot.' He smirked."
Some grammar mistakes. For one thing, when you are doing a sentence like that, end the statement he is saying in a comma. Also, don't capitalize anything after a quote unless it's a pronoun. Like so...
"'The big boss wants you alive. Those were tranquilizers, you idiot,' he smirked."
"'No, I mean…together together.'"
He was asking a question, wasn't he? End that in a question mark, please.
"Snake looked him in the eye."
It's "Snake looked me in the eye." Watch out for those sudden and unintentional POV changes.
All in all, quite good. Just watch out for the things I said. For the sentence thing where I showed you an example with Dedede in it, you tend to do that. Julz really ratted Psy out for doing that and frankly, I guess I am too. :)
Keep it up!
| Number Six-Sixtysix chapter 1 . 1/22/2011
Okay, you've got my attention... Now let's see what you've got, hmm?