|Reviews for An Impossible Thing After Breakfast In The Bottom Of The Garden|
| RPGgirl514 chapter 1 . 3/3
So adorable! You kept both little Xzar and little Luna very in character ... Though I always assumed that Xzar was not always crazy. I guess I figured something happened to him later in life that made him that way, but there's nothing that says it couldn't have happened to him as a child. I can totally see this conversation happening. Great job melding the two worlds!
| KittyWillCutYou chapter 1 . 1/13/2014
I am a tiny bit fandom-blind here so you’ll have to forgive me but since I’m familiar with Harry Potter and I always enjoy a good crossover, I decided to go ahead and give you a review. First off I want to say that you invoke very beautiful imagery, especially in that first long sentence and overall. However, despite the fact that the run-on sentences are correct and work fine here, they still manage to make my head spin. I mean, I’m not even reading out loud but I felt a bit out of breath. I also wanted to suggest that perhaps you should break the bigger paragraphs up a bit more.
Just break them in half maybe? They’re very big to me especially the very first one.
That isn't a problem for everyone but I’m someone who can easily lose my place or get mixed up. That’s just me. I don’t know, perhaps just messed with the format a little? Anyway, you don’t have to actually take my advice there but I think it might look a little better and keep from deterring people who don’t like the large paragraphs. All in all, even though I’m know next to nothing of Baldur’s Gate and have little interest in Harry Potter I still felt like this was a wonderful read. It was very dream-like and I think I would like to look into Baldur’s Gate some more.
| timydamonkey chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
I picked this one to review as while I don’t know Baldur’s Gate, I am familiar with Harry Potter so hopefully that will help me to give some useful feedback!
I want to say I like seeing specifics like “Blueskin's Cure and Floralegimus potions” – whether or not you’ve made them up or it’s from one of the fandoms I don’t know, but it makes the world –feel- magical if you like – worldbuilding in a few words! You do this a lot, so I feel like I am reading about the Wizarding World.
The first paragraph sticks out as rather long – it’s not quite a huge block paragraph, but it is one of those that made me start a little before I read it – maybe you can split it somewhere? Perhaps at “Luna looked in-between…”? I do find the description at the beginning a little excessive, but I am really not fond of lots of description, so that’s more of a personal thing – lots of people would probably enjoy it.
I like your Luna characterisation here. Suitably bizarre, but not seeming to parody itself which sometimes happens in fanfic. I also like that this is clearly written in Luna’s voice. I don’t know how in character the boy is, but I like his characterisation too, and the fact they both aren’t exactly understanding of all social cues.
You’re using very good grammar and spelling.
“"Are you a Weasley? I don't think you have red hair enough to be a Weasley, and their youngest boy is Ronald, but he's older than me and very tall." The strange boy was quite tall, Luna decided, but Ronald from the Burrow from the nearby wizard house was nearly two years older than she was…” I love the dialogue here. The second line feels like it is unnecessarily rephrasing the speech – I think it would seem stronger on its own.
“His eyes were as green as the freshest out of Mummy's pickled toads.” This is me being very, very finicky as up to here your Luna character voice is very good. This still sounds like her, but it makes me think of Ginny and her Valentine’s card – I should be thinking of Luna.
The dialogue is fantastic. This crossover really seems to work for me; the characters bounce off each other well.
“sceach” Is this the intended word?
"What's a maggy zine?" I like him parroting this back phonetically, showing him not understanding the word.
“they come from” Should this be a capital T? “They come from…”
The run-on sentences are used well in the dialogue here.
“The shape of his wet sleeves was a moon when there was a bite out of it.” Syntactically, this sounds off and I can’t quite decide on why.
I like the running theme of yellow keeping the story together.
“the Nibblers who wore white masks and had used to do very bad things before she was born and who Mummy and Daddy didn't like very much to talk about…” This is a fantastic line.
“Luna took the strange boy around almost all the garden, deciding to slightly skirt the path that surrounded the way up to the cottage itself, and explained to him about all the things you could see and all the things she hoped that someday she would see in it, about how the old ash gate covered by ivy was a gate to the air and how Daddy grew their own Locomotive Carrots, the ones that wriggled with caterpillar legs and how Mummy was going to think of a potion that made Locomotive Peas that wriggled themselves into your mouth too.” This sentence is very long. This works in your dialogue – and even though this is still Luna POV, I think it doesn’t work quite so well as narration. Also, there’s been so much detail up to here this bit feels a little bit rushed – like a summary.
“cold white” Don’t understand what you’re getting at here – how can white be cold? I thought it might be a theme when you used ice cream as the example, but then paint after that doesn’t strike me as particularly cold.
“Running made you fizzy yourself” Again, not quite sure what you’re getting at here – I’m not sure what she means by ‘fizzy’.
“…as Mummy had told her that she should say when she was meeting strange children.” This made me laugh.
I really like the ending, too. Closes it off nicely, and I love that line from Luna’s mother.
So overall I actually really enjoyed this – and I’d been a bit sceptical about the idea of the crossover. There were just a few issues I spotted which is when things seemed out of place to me, which mostly stuck out as the rest of it was put together so tightly.
| MajinBakaHentai chapter 1 . 9/30/2011
Now there's a pair of characters I never considered the idea of them meeting! Barring maybe the juxtaposition of my personal OCs getting involved in both fandoms (Luna would be an avatar of the character I'd have stuck on Faerun as a Bhaalspawn).
But anyway, good story!
| Nanchih chapter 1 . 7/15/2011
Very odd and interesting. I like Luna. I hope her new friend returns to play.
| EpitomyofShyness chapter 1 . 2/16/2011
Adorable beyond belief, and perfectly in character. I find myself incredibly sympathetic to this young Xzar, no matter how terrifying he turned out to be. I hope you'll write some sort of sequel, I find these two unbearably fun when paired together.