|Reviews for Lissa's thoughts|
| i 3 neil chapter 1 . 6/13
i thought that was really good. a little sad, but you got lissa's character right, i think. anyway, great story! :)
| FictionisMyReality12 chapter 1 . 12/13/2012
Your a talented writer, I loved it x
| GreySawyer chapter 1 . 8/11/2012
This is beautiful. Great job :)
| kittenxxkisses chapter 1 . 8/26/2011
Wow...this is written absolutely beautifully :) Very angsty, but emotional, and the use of second person really helped to draw the reader into the story.
It's a wonderful idea, and you did it justice. I've always wondered what Liss was thinking when Rose left, and now this is all that will be in my brain.
It's in canon too, which is good...I've read a couple of these where Liss in IN LOVE with Rose, which is completely stupid...Rosemitri and Chrissa forever, bitches XD
Hahaha, fantastic oneshot...I have tears threatening to spill out of my eyes. Your story is just. That. Awesome.
PS. Have you read Bloodlines? I read it today, and all I can say is...oh...my...God...
| PrettyLittleBrunette chapter 1 . 8/17/2011
OMG, Tal! This is amaaazinnng (: I loved reading it and I almost cried as I reached the part at the end! (: x I loved it... I'm going to go read ur other one now!
| CarsonandMrs.Hughes4ever chapter 1 . 8/13/2011
A great story. Very well written.
| Olivia Williams chapter 1 . 7/9/2011
awwwww, i had tears in my eyes. im turning into a sap. damn you for it too. that was good tal, you always have a way to draw the reader in to make me feel like it is my world that has shattered and that is rare for such a young author.
i see you going far tal, if you decide to continue with your writing that is to take it further than just fan fiction. i would honestly buy something you had written but of course it would have to capture me in the first five chapters. i walwways look forward to reading new stories and new chapters you dont dissapoint. now stop writing one shots and get back into it. stop holding out on me or it is war, im sure my contry doesnt mind being volunteered for such a nobel and worthy cause. lol
| Nicole Rain chapter 1 . 3/26/2011
I really loved the idea of this one shot. It's simple but I think would have been fun to write. It's seems kinda like an exercise too at the same time. It makes you think in a different perspective of a character and it helps a lot. When you read a series in one persons point of view you think like they would so switching would give you a lot to think about. It will also help a lot in future drama (in writing of course) between two characters. A fight for example. It makes you think of valid points the opposite character would point out. I don't know if you did that purposley but it's a win-win in a way. So awesome job on possibly creating a benefitial system that creates a positive effect on future writing on emotional mayhams in a way your oblivious of it.
Second of all I'd like to point out what caught my attention right away. It was how you were keep on saying "you" instead of "her" or "Rose". For a short, emotional one shot, the little detail makes a huge difference and it's for the better. Because you label the reader as the cause to the pain Lissa's feeling, it causes them to get dragged into the emotional mess your trying to envision. It makes it personal. It's a great detail. High Five for thinking of it.
I would also like to point out that it was extremely repetitive. Now it's not necissaily a bad thing. This oneshot is in a way a persausive writing. It's trying to get the reader/Rose to come back to you/Lissa. When you write a report paper or a thesis paper you know that your supose to do this. It drills the meaning of the essay into the readers brain and also has the chance of convincing them to follow what you say simply because you say it over and over again. So obvioulsy the repetitiveness works in your favor.
Continuing on with the repetitiveness, it went into character very well. Again, I don't know if you did this purposley, but it was great. When you're scared of angry or are experiencing major emotion your repetitive. You point out so many times why your right and theyre wrong and that's what you did.
It was choppy. You could have worked a lot better on flow but at the same time I think it's great how you wrote it. I mean when your angry or sad which is what Lissa is experiencing, you don't speak with perfect chronological order. One paragraph your talking about subject A, the next subject B, the next subject A again, the next C and then a small mention of subject A yet again. So i don't know if your putting all thes small details in your work purposley or if your just absentmindedly creating works of a genius. And if you never noticed the things I'm pointing out riht now you should try and act apon them. I'm not saying to go and completely rewrite this one shot but in future persasive writing try and look for it. If it's fictional write two drafts. One like this one with the random upbringing of previous points. And then another with all the same points put together nicely and a logical order. And then compare them. See what one's better. If it's non fictional or for something with school you always go with the second option. You know what, never do the random points one unless the character is going through major emotion. I think that is a much simpilar way to say it.
And I think my last point i say should be this. I'm just going to say it bluntly. Lissa appeared really selfish to me and overall barely recieved my empathy or sympathy and not even much pity because of it. So since it is in a way a persausive writing and since I didn't think she deserved much pity, you failed to complete the purpose of this one shot. But I have an idea on how you could change that. and it's all with the ending. Not the very end where it says "I'll miss you" but a little before that whee it says "You are the only family I've got left. And now, You are leaving me too…" To me that screams, "Selfish bith ova here who doesnt thnk of their "best friends" feelings!" And that is not somthing you would want to end on if your trying to get your readers to feel sorry for her. Through out the whole thing you focus on the pain Lissa is going through and only mention what Rose is feeling and the guilt Lissa feels because she never really cared about it. That was when you siad... "I keep trembling and sobbing while the pain in me grows. So much had happened to you and I was blind, I didn't see. Deep in my world, in my love that had blinded me to you, to your feelings, to your thoughts. I'm sorry Rose. I should have knows, should have been there next to you, just like you were always there for me." That was my favorite part and I think you should have focused more on that instead of the abandonment Lissa is feeling. I really don't think when I say that, that I'm being biased with it being my favorite part. Not only did Lissa just lose her best friend but she just found out that said friend
s love of life is worst than dead. And Lissa has known said lover and has seen said friend and said lover togther but never noticed. Which should make Lissa feel guilty on her best friend observing skills which plainly suck which should add to the guilt that she should be feeling because she's only thinking of herself when her best friend is also going to be living the same lost of a love one along with the loss of Dimitri.. SO yeah I think that is the main reason I don't feel much pitty for Lissa which leads to you not failing hte purpose of writing it wich I think you should be woried about if you want to be successful in writng So I would worry about it and not ignore it.
So I'll stop pointing out how pissed I am at Lissa and start to actually help you fix it. So instead of closing it off with yet another selfish comment on how she feels sorry for herself I would mention how she thinks Rose deserves to do what she wants. She's but Lissa before herself their whole life and the moment she decides she wants to do something for herself Lissa is begging her to do what SHE wants. It's the perfect epitome of selfishness. So at the end mention this, mention the guilt shes suddenly feels for thinking of herself and trying to change Rose's mind (and don't deny it because she says..." I can't stop trying to make you see some sense") and make Lissa see that she was wrong . And that Rose deserves to do what she wants, what she needs to get closure. And she deserves to do that without knowing that her best friend doesnt hate her for leaving. And that her best friend understands why shes doing it. I whould keep all the other selfish commnts even though they do piss me off. But end with how she now knows she's wrong. With that you create this change in the character. I think you even did this but agaoin I don't know if you do these things prposly. You say that Lissa wont be the same and that and that she knows Rose wont be the same. Making her see that she's not the only one hurting. That's the change but then it's ruined because she says that she's leaving her like her family has. She's feeling sorry for herself yet again. So I would make this change more obvious. Make me believe that it wasn't just a mistake in words . Make me see that Lissa has forgiven Rose.
So yeah... That's what I think of this. I think I should mention again how I really loved this one shot because I think I just diminished all the praise I opened with when I started pointing out how selfish Lissa was acting. It's weird but don't confuse my fustration with Lissa with dissapointment on your writing. You're writing was amazing to say the least you captured so much emotion. with it. They way you wrote it was simply and straight to the point. It was like your writing down what first comes to mind when you think of losing a friend. It makes the feelings your writing genuine and that much more relatable making the writing that much more lovable.
So as I said before I write what I think and I don't care how I sound when I say it. Lissa annoys me I'll say. Youre writing sucks, I'll say it (It doesnt by the way. It's far from it). So... this is my opinion. You might not agree to it and you might not even consider any ofthe thingsI say I don't think I'll mind... much. But I want to make it clear this is what i think of it.
So I hope that was a good enough review. Not exactly the 10000 characters but at least it 8500. How can you say a dedicated reviewer? If they write a review that's almost twice the words as the writing their talking about.
| XxA7XFoREVeRxX chapter 1 . 2/16/2011
That was... No words can describe how perfectly written this chapter was. I felt all of Lissa's emotions like as if they were my own and it was me, not her experiencing the tragic loss of losing a beloved one. You're writing was beautifully done. At one point I felt like crying! Bawling my eyes out in fact. This story is definately like no other, original and amazing. I love it :D
| 101-ApOcAlYpSe-101 chapter 1 . 2/11/2011
This is good! Love it!
| VampGirl4EverandEver chapter 1 . 2/10/2011
| BookwormCarlota chapter 1 . 2/7/2011
this was just incurable... i felt everything, like it was my best friend walking away from me, like i should have been crying through it all, it actually hurt to breath at one point.
you really capture the emotions within everything here, i found it hard to read from Lissa's pov but i think thats purely because she is so different from Rose. and thats what we are used to.
i loved this little one shot. it was a perfect display of how talented you are at becoming one with a character no matter who that character is. and that my friend is an amazing thing. You should be really proud that you managed to convey such emotions through and you defiantly connected with me as an audience. i love your stories anyways, so this was just another one to add onto "bad always leads to good" im hooked on it at the moment and i am dearly waiting another update. i want Dimitri to talk to Rose and for everything to work out... :)
i will always want to see your work, and even new stuff when you write it. i have a great need to read your stories. and now that includes this one shot.
thanks - Charlotte
| D. Kelly chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
WOW talk about emotional that was good way to go keep up the good work Debbie
| Nbjbrownie chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
its really sad
i remembered when i was reading shadow kissed
loved your one shot
please write the part when Dimitri was going to turn to a strigoi
and was watching rose running to him
| talkygirl chapter 1 . 1/25/2011
Aww poor Lissa!