|Reviews for white noise|
| aestheticisms chapter 1 . 2/3/2011
I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen this - it's beautiful. I love Kamitsure in this, and Volkner, and I love everything about it.
It's so pretty, I love their interactions, and Jasmine's wise words of wisdom - the Alexandrian that snuck into this piece was cute.
So yay for you~ This was fantastic.
| Farla chapter 1 . 1/29/2011
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
["What?" He can still hear some strange, electronic rhythm that matches her heartbeat.]
How does he know her heartbeat?
["These walls aren't blank," she points ]
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Anyway, this really seems more like original fiction than anything pokemon.
| Ability King KK chapter 1 . 1/26/2011
This was a nice read. Not only did it have bits of Alexandrianshipping, but it also had the whole sibling/cousin relationship between Denzi and Kamitsure. It's nice to see sibling-based fics for Denzi and Kamitsure.