|Reviews for Through Muggleborn Eyes: Year Five|
| Chellendora chapter 1 . 1/27/2011
A good start! Here's some things I jotted down while reading, since you said you didn't feel very good about this chapter. At the beginning, you jump from talking about Bryt's distraction, to Percy, back to her distraction. That could be ordered better. When Bryt says she wasn't sure why her mother was mad about the Daily Prophet...Why? When her father wrote her in the fourth year it was pretty clear why Mrs. Watkins was turning against the Wizarding World. You could say something like, "Bryt was almost positive that Mrs. Watkins was acting this way because..." It's also a little strange when Bryt's father suddenly says she can go and Mrs. Watkins doesn't fight back, even though she had been pretty vehement before hand. Now some mechanics. The first couple of sentences are a bit confusing. Also, Mr. Weasley "would have" should be "Mr. Weasley was the best choice." Saying "would" implies that he hadn't been chosen for the job.
Hope that helps!