|Reviews for A Miscellaneous Tale of Night and Day|
| Lakrahe chapter 14 . 12/16/2017
Hi. I understand that I found this story very late, but I have just returned from ignoring pokemon until I played bw2.
This story has a lot of potential. and comparing it to many fanfics, plot-wise, it is very enough to be adventure, suspense or thriller.
I love the introduction of the Cavern of Daybreak. The trainers had to use their abilities to get through challenges was a smart way of increasing character importance. meanwhile, I believe that it would have been perfect if everyone was there for the trials. however, it would just be fanservice sreaming or it would be difficult to narrate.
Anyway, I love that the characters who got into the cave were Red, Blue, and Sapphire. seriously, I love that you gave these three alone time without compromising the potential scenes the remaining dexholders at the apartment. I wish there would be more mixed up groups, because as much as I want my otps together, I really love some healthly friendship building around the other characters.
other criticism would be your grammar. there are some mix up with there and their. sometimes punctations are missing.
I think you could also improve your story to near perfect by expanding your vocabulary. instead of saying 'said' there could be told, informed, relayed, mentioned and etc.
anyway, it would be nice if you would contact me if you want to continue the story. (I have seen the lastest chapter I always check if the author is inactive or not) I could be a proof reader, but not a beta because I can only provide suggestions.
I think that is all I can say. have a good day!
| Guest chapter 21 . 12/8/2017
| Greenzz chapter 28 . 10/18/2017
Can u continue plz, that would be niceeee
| LunaBloom chapter 27 . 9/11/2017
(this is like super long so i might have to do a part two and dammit i knew i should have just reviewed every chapter) (funny enough you would have hit 1k reviews had i reviewed every chapter but eh)
DAMMIT MY FRIEND WAS RIGHT IT /DOES/ CUT OUT /RIGHT BEFORE THE EPIC CLIMAX/ AND YOU'RE LEFT SCREAMING INTO THE VOID BECAUSE LEGIT THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST STORIES I'VE EVER READ EVER. PERIOD. * D.*
for real though it is everything i've ever wanted in a story. not just a fic. like the first 1/3 or so was the most self-indulgent stuff i have ever read in my entire life. this entire fic is pretty much what i would ask for if you asked my ten-year-old self what i wanted out of a story. (hilariously enough, i was ten when this fic first came out)
on the note of ages, can you believe that blaze kai is currently in the year of our lord and savior jesus christ of 2017 like four whole freaking months old like geez i work with kids that age in the nursery i volunteer in. i could be changing this boi's diapers. boiii. (legit tho i was so shook when i saw the bday of blaze was in 2017 i was like BRO CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS BLAZE WAS BORN /THIS YEAR/ to the friend who recced me this fic)
i'm not even in the pokespe fandom. my friend just threw this in my face like a year ago and told me to READ IT (might've been two years ago now, actually...) and i was like. "naaaah" but here i am, some time later, reading it. and crying. because it's so GOOOOD THE STORYYY IT'S SO GOOOD (the grammar is a different story. it def has its problems and i cringed at all the run-ons in the beginning BUT HEY AT LEAST YOU USED THE PROPER YOUR/YOU'RE HOMOPHONES THROUGHOUT BC THAT IS LIKE A DEALBREAKER TO ME)
i binged it in an entire week like. i put down all my other hobbies, all the other fics i'm reading that have been updated in the last week and just cried with my friend about this fic. i have touched none of my own work in the last week because i have just been /so absorbed in this/. i went passed my own self-set bedtime to read this fic. i read this. with my wi-fi on. which is a big deal to me because usually i read fics late at night when i don't have wi-fi for reasons, and i use my time /with/ the wifi to like. scroll through tumblr and watch anime and other unimportant stuff lmaooo but you know you have my full attention when i read this with the wifi on so that i can get to the next chapter /immediately/. i actually opened up multiple chapters a night before the wifi turned off after i passed chapter three so that i wouldn't have to wait until morning. for real though. reading this was an absolute joy. i would absolutely stay up until six in the morning reading this if i had the wifi and lack of school to do so. but alas, my school is like yours (was, since this was five years ago and you're clearly in or even out of college by now): starting horrendously early. in my case august TENTH. geez.
i know this is a super duper old piece of yours. i know you're probably super duper embarrassed of it despite its popularity. honestly i can't even look back on a piece i wrote over two years ago, so to imagine how much you've grown in /FIVE/ years? it's no wonder that it's abandoned; you're probably way too embarrassed to even think of picking it up again. but i hope you're proud of the thing you've created, even if you never pick it up for completion ever again. it's the most popular in the pokespe category.
i mean, what's not to be proud of? the humor is well-executed, i'm suuuper invested in the romance (like i said, i'm not even into the pokespe fandom and you got me SO, SO, SOOO invested in these ships. mangaquest is my fave rn hehehe), the BACKSTORIES, the character development oh GOD THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS TO /DIE/ FOR. the backstories and how everyone's lives have entwined like that... the time travel, too. the time loops were well thought out, it looks like. my friend told me the time travel really fucked her over as a child, aged eleven, when she first read it but it all makes perfect sense to me? ? ?
but literally the storytelling present in this fic is just *kisses fingers like some kind of french cook talking about how great their food is* GOALS TBH. literal GOALS. in the beginning of reading this i was like "i want to write an homage to this fic. an amotodan au for some fandom that i'm not sure of yet BUT I WANT TO WRITE IT" but after a few more chapters i was like "nah. i could never. i could NEVER ever write anything as beautifully brilliant as this." like i could maybe pull off an homage to question seven and a half (which is ALSO a super Quality fic that i reread halfway through reading amotodan and just fangirled over w/new depth of knowledge and understanding of the characters and investments in the ships.) but never amotodan.
THE FORESHADOWING. HAS MADE ME SCREAM. REAL SCREAMS. throwaway lines TURNED INTO SOMETHING HUGE. dude this is the kind of writing that makes me cry tears of real joy because i LOVE IT WHEN AUTHORS DO THAT. it's also so rare that you see it done in fanfiction, just random throwaway lines turned into huge plot points.
for example, the cake thing. "gold makes the best cake you've ever tasted" yeah ok bUT THEN WE GOT HIS BACKSTORY WITH CRYSTAL AND WHY HE MAKES SUCH GOOD CAKE AND I THINK I CRIED.
i could never craft a story so beautiful. not in a million, zillion years.
ahh, but how the loose plot threads dangle before me like a carrot on a stick before a donkey! always reaching, never grasping. we never really do get that much resolution for blue and green, do we? sapph and ruby just barely got their crap together. but i'm not gonna lie every time someone mentioned that gold and crystal were married or said crystal kai i made this smug ass little face and cackled my butt off bc they're legit so cute here. i'll talk more about my fave moments later, but like. i'm so glad red and yellow got their stuff resolved. mostly. THE FIGHT WAS SO EPIC OMGGG i was like screaming the whole way through. on the edge of my seat and everything.
some of my favorite moments include when gold leans over and kisses crystal on the forehead when they meet again for the first time on the balcony. i was like "awwwwwwwww"
green joining on strip blackjack. oh my god. you know how sometimes in shows/anime/whatever there'll be a proposition and a full half second's focus on a character's face before it abruptly cuts to them joining in on the group? that is exactly what i imagined happening when green joined in on the game.
WHEN I FOUND OUT TELL'S FULL NAME WAS TELLURIUM BC HALFWAY THROUGH YELLOW READING SEAE'S DIARY I WAS LIKE "HEY DUDE IS TELL'S NAME ACTUALLY TELLURIUM?" TO MY FRIEND AND SHE WAS LIKE "PFF NO STARRI'S NOT THAT NERDY" /BUT THEN IT WAS ACTUALLY TELLURIUM and then the periodic table song kicked in in my head BUT I ABSOLUTELY CALLED THAT STUFF. and then my friend called me a nerd but that's okay we're both nerds taking ap chem together
i was eating a hamburger when i found out that it was the kids who were doing most of the time travel. like, i remember seeing candy and going "oh there is definitely time travel involved in this" but for some reason i don't think it occurred to me that it was going to be the kids as adults revealing themselves to be time travelling and MY DUDE MY HAMBURGER JUST DROPPED OUT OF MY FREAKING HAND AS I WAS READING IT. I AM NOT JOKING. IT JUST *PLOP* ONTO THE KEYBOARD.
the line "staring at me as if I had just said that ruby was actually a girl with high school drama problems that seemed to come straight out of a manga. [p] …wait that was a bad metaphor…" no that was a beautiful, douglas adams style metaphor, and it was beautiful. I LOVE DOUGLAS ADAMS AND THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY I LOVED THAT METAPHOR SO MUCH i love what you could do with words really.
and dude i just love how green just really fucking loves cats.
"have you ever thought of forcing popular young boys into crossdressing for the benefit of your company mrs. Blair?" I DIED RIGHT THERE BC I THOUGHT ABOUT RUBY
THAT SHIA LEBEOUF PARODY WITH THE CLASS AND LIKE I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER THE SPECIFICS OF IT BUT SOMETHING ABOUT "YOU'RE IN A CLASSROOM FULL OF IDIOTS, AND THEN YOU SPOT HIM..."
and when gold and crystal were wandering around the dark room after getting knocked out with stale cupcakes:
Me: hey they could have Done It in that dark room
Me, finding out that they are not alone: okay it would have been really awkward if they had Done It in that room now
i love how blue is like. resident shipper. tbh i'm kinda side-eyeing the sibling relationships rn bc they remind me of me and my own sister but everyone says we have a /really weird/ relationship bc we act more like friends than siblings? i mean she only enslaved me for THREE YEARS when i was a kid but like. what great relationships these sibs have. that ride or die of the twins tho.
i also loved how blue tricked gold and crystal into getting married. like dude you have made me fall in love with mangaquestshipping. i loved it when gold jumped down the stairs with crystal in his arms.
when crystal got tired of the therapy session and essentially said "fuck it i'm just gonna go make out with gold" AND THEN WENT AND MADE OUT WITH GOLD IN FRONT RUBY OML
i also really loved reading the a/ns and getting to know your personality a little better. of course you have probably developed beyond recognition since the publishing of amotodan, but it's still so much fun to see a super excited starri in the reviews.
the way you switched between perspectives worked super duper well, too. the whole "x's pov" thing is what i like to call popping and it's super duper hard to execute well. usually you see what i like to call morphing, where you, well, morph from perspective to perspective, usually in the third person limited. i have only ever read one fic that pulled it off before this, but this pulls off popping perfectly. it's mostly the romcom style.
I HAD TO LIE DOWN FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES WHEN I GOT TO THE PART AFTER THE STRIPPING BIT WHERE CRYSTAL REVEALS ALL HER FEELINGS ABOUT SEEING GOLD THERE BECAUSE I WAS JUST SO OVERWHELMED AND THERE WAS CRYING AND HONESTLY THAT WAS REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND FEELSY
all right. like i said, i love this fic to death. i will die before i ever hate it because it just fulfills so many childhood story fantasies of mine. but there are some things i saw throughout the fic that did bother me:
run-ons. like i mentioned before, the beginning was /full/ of these. there were a bunch of independent clauses separated only by commas and i was like "noooo use a semicolonnnnn" but like of course not everyone knows how to properly use a semicolon and thank goodness they died off. i enjoyed how i could watch your writing improve over the course of amotodan. but still. the run ons. i died inside.
improper usage of it's: it's is a contraction. i'm sure you know all this stuff by now bc you're probs in COLLEGE by now but like. *pat pats* some things we can never life down. you used "it's" in situations where "its" would have been proper, since its w/o an apostrophe is possessive.
the use of r in the day abbreviations like 21rst. in a shocking turn of events, there's no r: it's only 21st. and i was like "what the heck".
there were a number of typos that gradually became more prevalent throughout, but it's not like any of them were particularly bad or consistent or made the story hard to follow.
oh and you went through a phase where you'd end all the dialogue sentences in periods when some of them should have been commas and i'm not gonna go over this bc like i said you probably know this by now. five years does quite the number on your writing skills. but also usage of numbers when it would have been more grammatically correct to use the word form: esp in creative writing, we use the word form of the number unless it exceeds a hundred or is a decimal or year.
BUT HEY AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T PUT THE COMMAS OUTSIDE OF THE QUOTATION MARKS i would have dropped this fic so fast if you did that. or use excess ellipses.
hmm. to answer a few of your a/n questions: my favorite amotodan chapter was ch fifteen, where gold and crystal got married and adopted the egg together. ngl i thought it was an arceus egg at first but now i'm just imagining fionn to look like kyubey from madoka. but i'm pretty sure madoka came out after this fic so huh.
my favorite part about being an amotodan reader is crying over how beautiful this entire fic is ;w;
uhh uhh uhh i forgot the rest of the a/n questions :P
in conclusion, reading this was an absolute joy. nothing will ever, EVER compare to the level of quality storytelling shown here. i understand that you've said several times you'll never leave us hanging, but you know, it's okay that you've left us hanging. for five years. life happens. we look back on the garbage we've written and cringe and subsequently die inside because it is just that awful. it's okay if you leave us hanging forever. sure, my friend and i would absolutely scream and she says she'd literally skip school to stay home and read a new chapter of amotodan after all this time, but... if you so choose to leave us where we are, that's okay too. there's no pressure to continue if you just have writer's block, or no wi-fi, or whatever. even incomplete, it was a wild ride and a superlative fic. i have to say, this is literally one of my favorite stories ever. period. a beautiful romcom with a beautiful legit thick plot woven in. i would recommend it in a heartbeat to anyone regardless of fandom.
thank you for writing it. i'm really, truly grateful to be here writing you this review. i just want to thank you for your time, for the effort and energy you've put into writing this. it's beautiful, and i just want you to know that if you made a paper version of this, incomplete as it is, i would buy it in a heartbeat. like, take my money however much of it that you want I WILL BUY A PAPER EDITION OF AMOTODAN.
one last time, thank you so, /so/ much for this fic.
| Mecoco chapter 26 . 9/1/2017
This is Sailor Moon all over again...
| candescentstars chapter 28 . 8/13/2017
hi ! i'm a random user who's just started hahah so i've read as far as it comes,, and i'm sure this isn't the end of the story, but i don't know if you're still on but ahh ! your plot is goals woah and this is your first story i've read, haven't read any others yet but i like this a lot . please continue it if you're still writing and checking pleaseee !
just wondering you watch(ed) hidamari sketch didn't you uwu
| Guest chapter 28 . 6/4/2017
Well to be honest.. I really like ur story and I do hope you'll update it soon.
| lookalike5516 chapter 7 . 5/27/2017
PLEEEEEEASE TwT I LOVE THESE SHIPS SOOO SO SO MUCH! Pls let there be more OldRivalShipping 3 and omg WILL THERE BE MORE OF THE SINNOH TRIO! I just love them to bits and CommonerShipping is my absolute fave X3
| Anonymous chapter 27 . 2/11/2017
PLEASE FINISH THIS STORY ITS GREAT!
| Maylene chapter 28 . 1/12/2017
I think I might print out and frame your rant about flamers! That, my friend was amazing.
I don't know where this story stands so far, or when it'll be finished, but I am looking forward to it, whenever it comes out. I honestly didn't think I'd get this hooked on to a fanfiction, but I soon found myself devouring chapter after chapter, and I didn't even realize that chapter 28 was as far as it went.
I wish you good luck in your life, and no writer's block!
| ProfessorPingas chapter 1 . 1/12/2017
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS FANFIC! Its what got me started in fanfics in the first place, I have read this one over and over and I have read your other ones too! I love please keep it up :3
| Guest chapter 28 . 1/3/2017
Y u leave me hanging with everyone else
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/25/2016
This story is good. Really, really good. You are an amazing writer, the plot is extremely captivating, and I can see the effort put behind this. It's also just plain hilarious. (I couldn't stop laughing over Green and his love of cats). I also like how you were able to balance the laughs with more emotional content. I would love to see this story continued. Keep up the great writing!
| x.symphony chapter 7 . 12/19/2016
Love the not-so-subtle nod to the friendships in the actual manga, from Green being Yellow's mentor (I love all interactions between them no matter how little heeee the friendship in the manga always gets to me) to Blue meeting Silver and Silver blushing xD Hope to see more of the friendships between the characters (cross-gender) aside from the main romantic pairings in the next few chapters!
| idek homestuck chapter 10 . 11/24/2016
yo holy fuck you made a homestuck reference this is the best moment of my life also great story 10/10 would read again oh wait im not done shit anyway so proud dont forget the stairs and we'll all be fine 3