|Reviews for The Mouse of Konoha|
| Guest chapter 24 . 1/14/2016
Glad to see that one of the very best Naruto fics around is still going strong, and I'm totally looking forward to seeing more of it down the line, as it's one of my favorites, especially since we're due for more Anko/Naruto shenanigans soon (totally love how those two mesh together).
I do have two complaints about the story so far, though:
One, there's a few little inconsistenciest that could do with correcting. For instance, Anko originally claims she doesn't like tea and then we learn many chapters later that she's knowledgable in the Tea Ceremony, which seems odd. Similarily, Rin's "death" seems to be quite oddly divergeant from the manga storyline (where she gets rather decisively stabbed in the chest by Kakashi before she can go nuts from forcible biju implantation) without any explanation at all.
Two, and, sadly, much worse for me...
The japanese used in the story so far is pretty bad. It's what I call "pocket dictionary" japanese, which makes it comprehensible enough to get on the nerves of people who actually understand japanese. A lot of your names are cringe-worthy (Burakku-Heru, really? That's just English with a japanese pronunciation), a lot of words are badly spelled (like how you got "kawarimi" wrong in the section where Naruto's incorrect pronunciation gets corrected), you often have word order backwards (it's Shinobi no Kami (god of ninjas), not Kami no Shinobi (ninja of the gods)), you sometimes overlook correct vocabulary (the japanese word for "rat" and "mouse" is the same thing, so Naruto going "I'm not a rat, I'm a mouse" makes little sense) and your use of name particles (-sama, -san, -chan, -kun, ect.) is often a bit clumsy (this happens a fair bit in the Tea Ceremony chapters, but that's a very formal setting, and three-way conversations (like Hiashi talking about Hinata to Naruto and vice-versa) is very complicated in formal language).
Now, this might seem like both a nitpick and a wall of complaints, but I want to be clear on this: the only reason I wrote all that is because I genuinely think that's the only thing standing between this story being really, really good, and it being amazingly awesome. Please find yourself a good editor that's fluent in japanese, and make The Mouse of Konoha as superb a story as you can.
And please don't let comments like mine stop you from writing more!
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/14/2016
Commas and periods for spoken text go INSIDE the quotation marks. Exactly like question marks and exclamation marks do.
| loretta537 chapter 24 . 1/13/2016
thank you for the update, sorry for the late review but i decided to save it for my birthday
| FinalGuardian chapter 4 . 1/13/2016
Other than misspelled words like reimburse popping up every few paragraphs everything is great, really like the fic.
| Jack Inqu chapter 24 . 1/12/2016
I'll be curious to see what you do with Sasuke; he's a character with a lot of potential, both good and bad, especially this early in the timeline.
Other than that, another good chapter. I'm guessing Naruto's clone ended up finding a demolition group, or possibly a test group for new weapons. Gotta do it somehow, and who better than former ninjas?
Take care, good luck, and I look forward to your next update.
| Crystal M. Key chapter 24 . 1/11/2016
I was so excited when I realized a new chapter was out, but it was also 3am and I needed to sleep. So! I have now read the chapter, and it was excellent. Naruto handled Tenten at the dinner well. I'm really hoping the toy Naruto wants is a chainsaw. Thank you for updating!
| Babyuknowme13 chapter 24 . 1/11/2016
Eeek! I actually squealed when I saw the update today. My sister jumped out of her skin! Well, you have my sympathies for moving, and I envy your computer, mine gave up the ghost to a virus and I have likely lost everything. Mobiles just aren't the same. Update again soon please!
| Dark Machine chapter 24 . 1/11/2016
This story is still fabulous to read. I cannot wait for the next part!
| libro5678 chapter 11 . 1/11/2016
I lilke the legal debate in the middle. Currently trying to write a mock opening defence for an online virtual trial
| uqoxe24 chapter 24 . 1/11/2016
I found this story when it was about 15 chapters in, and then I lost track of it. But it popped back up in my head recently and I'm so happy it did. It's an awesome story, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. Can't wait for new chapter, and hope your book goes well.
| 777angeloflove chapter 24 . 1/11/2016
still loving it~!
| Lahnny chapter 24 . 1/11/2016
I love your story! :D Please continue updating and creating more awesome chapters! Can't wait for your next one.
| Gremlin Jack chapter 24 . 1/10/2016
Always a great day when this updates. Its a testament to your writing that a story this slow is so riveting.
| Aramus13 chapter 24 . 1/10/2016
An update? This year is starting to look good!
Splitting personality into two like that, isn't that kinda dangerous? Won't continuous affect his psyche?
| jeannette.rothenberger chapter 24 . 1/10/2016
Thank you for updating... love the bug up the nose part!