|Reviews for Mobile Suit Gundam: A retelling|
| Many Faced Mage chapter 6 . 9/20/2011
And the face for today is? Greek Gundam Pilot.
Nice story. I Hope Garma survives. Maybe he could lead a peace movement in Zeon. Also maybe Ramba and his girlfriend could survive to. Also Maybe Garma could be friends with Ryu. That all for now update soon.
| Madman584 chapter 5 . 4/30/2011
My lord, your fanfiction is an abomination. Everything you wrote was wrong. First off, Zeon would not be tying with the Federation. The Federation didn’t have anything that could hurt the Zeon forces. There’s a reason they were getting curbstomped after getting curbstomped by a previous war not even a year before the series started. There’s no way the two are evenly matched.
I love how you’re having Amuro suck in comparison to you (Jordan is you, I can fucking tell), Ryu (One of your pegging friends), and those two made up chicks that you made up so you can fuck them in your heads. The only people you care about is your friend and yourself.
For example, when you had Amuro fail by blowing up that one mech in Side 7, how the fuck did you and your idiot of a friend not do that? I ask because Faggotor (Ryu) sliced one of them in half. It would still blow up from the engine destabilizing due to the circuitry frying and the vents getting cut. The other guy got stabbed in the back, which as you should know is where the Minovinsky reactor is. You blew up Side 7 twice already. Nyargl!
This of course ignores how you stole how Amuro killed that last chump. Amuro was lucky, but that type of luck doesn’t happen that often. Stop stealing other character’s moments. Speaking of theft…
I like how Faggotor doesn’t get tired when Amuro does. That just makes me want to hurt you more by the way.
That scene where you comfort Love Interest (Sarah), was ripped directly from the scene where Amuro does the same for Fraw when her family dies. Better yet, you do it twice. Even better you imply that Fraw loses her mind, because she nearly did until Amuro snaps her out of it. The way you wrote, that never happened, so she’s currently losing her mind, to the point of becoming a newtype possibly from mental stress.
Point two. Faggotor should not be famous. The only reason Char was famous was because he was royalty and a prodigy. Plus he has four years of military experience and had training as a kid. Faggotor has none of this. He’s also a full two years younger, and has far less experience than Char. There’s no way this shit is outranking Char at that time.
Plus how he ran away is pathetic. He magically found out, despite the fact that the only reason Char found out about his own father’s murder was because he had the power and resources, that Gihren, who was dead by this point last I checked, killed his parents. I have a question for you: Is your brain made of lard?
So blowing up Sydney is bad, but blowing up Jaburo (which was as big, if not bigger) isn’t? Are you dumb? Dumb enough to steal another thing that Amuro did (yes you are)? Better yet, Char saves his monkey ass, and what does he do about it? He betrays the person who saved him. Willingly. And then proceeds to fight him viciously later. He’s even more selfish than Zeon, because he doesn’t understand the concept of friendship and kindness. By the way, I love your rampant hatred of Zeon.
By the way, Faggotor wouldn’t be legendary after winning one battle, especially considering he was only fighting against Balls with his vastly superior tech. Plus why would his brother kill himself? That makes no strategic sense because they were winning easily. I’ll assume that he killed itself to escape the fate of being related to Faggotor.
He’d barely be called a hero of that battle and be given a medal, but he wouldn’t be legendary from it. Plus, if he was famous before the battle, how the fuck did he get a custom mech? Apparently Zeon gives them out like free candy.
Faggotor should not have an officer rank; he at best would have a private rank. How? He’s not royalty, and he would need time to be able to insert himself to the G-project (not V-project you dunce). He’d only be in the military for at best a few weeks. There’s also no way he’s superior to Char. He not only has nowhere near the experience (remember, at least four years dummy), but he doesn’t even have the technical prowess that Char does.
Your fic even shows this when Char matches and knocks his stupid ass back in a vastly inferior mech (Zakus were utter shit compared to the RX-78). I don’t care what comes out of your stupid mouth-hole, Char would stomp Faggotor in an equal mech.
He also wouldn’t work with a traitor. You and Dragonknight Faggot are both pondscum who do not do research.
By the way, even if he left Zeon five months before the story he wouldn’t have enough time to work on the most important project the Federation has. It’s too top secret for him to even attempt it with the amount of time he was given for it.
By the way, why the fuck would you name multiple people the same name? It makes the story confusing and nonsensical.
I haven’t even started on the mechs. For example, there were already the RX-78-3 and 4. So why the fuck did you make them not their respective units? Better yet, Unit 4 didn’t appear until 0080. Oh, and you forgot the prototype of the GM… which gave the Federation the idea for a mass produced unit.
Oh, and Zaku IIs can’t use beams by the way. Don’t give me bullshit about how they were upgraded either. They couldn’t be upgraded to that level. The show explicitly states that. Plus Custom units always have a different number from each other, so Naleen and Jacque’s units would have a different number.
Zaku IIs weren’t designed for space. They were designed to just blow shit up. If they were designed for space, there would have been no Marine type, Desert type, or Tundra type.
| Madman584 chapter 6 . 4/30/2011
Oh, and Faggotor using FANGS is impossible. FANGS weren’t UC universe; it’s OO. It can’t even be Funnels, they weren’t even used on mobile suits until the Quebely in Zeta. AND it requires the Psycommu system to work, which also didn’t exist at this point!
Oh, and Naleen and Jacque’s mechs were the same type of Zaku as Char’s is, so that means that they can also move as fast as he could… even though they don’t. I could go on about this, but I already can tell that your puny mind will refuse any of my advice on mechs now.
Last I checked, the mech had design features to protect the pilot’s eyes from glare, so Faggotor’s little tactic fails from the start. Also, what’s the point of adding suspense in a fight the enemy can’t win? Seriously, Zakus can’t even scratch a Gundam at this point.
Also, what happened to the other Musai cruiser, and why the fuck are you having only one of them attack Luna II?
By the way, the psycoframe system wasn’t even invented yet. It wasn’t used until over a whole decade later, with the Sazabi being the first to use it… in 0093. Even if the thing was invented early; it doesn’t matter newtypes were not known by this point. Speaking of newtypes…
Why the shit is Faggotor a newtype? There were only four newtypes at the beginning of the series too, and of the four, one wasn’t a newtype yet! Better yet, Faggotor is a powerful one, even though only one of them was in that general ballpark by this point. Maybe if you were writing a Zeta fanfic that would fit…
I forgot to mention that your idea of subtlety is my idea of getting mauled by a seven foot tall hobo dressed as a clown in church. Which is to say, not subtle at all. Seriously when you try to write touching moments, I wish for death because I can predict who will fuck who, and I’m not even a newtype.
By the way, have you ever talked to a girl? Fuck, have you ever seen one? Because first off, they don’t instantly fall for the first person they see. They’re not fucking birds. Second, they’re not that obvious with their intentions. That’s a guy thing. Finally, not all of them wish to be protected and loved on. Fuck, not all of them are shy. You’re one of the more sexist people I’ve met by the way. Soul mates don’t exist; you will forever be stuck with your left hand as a date.
Your grammar and spelling are also pretty bad. You randomly capitalize words when they’re not needed and you also screw up your homonyms. That doesn’t even explain any of the plot holes you have by the way.
First off, how does the author avatar know Amuro, and give a better reason than they just do. Second, how did two Musai cruisers escape the sensory range of a colony? That’s impossible considering the range of a colony is massive. Third, why are the Zeon soldiers amazed by the existence of the colonies? They came from colonies, they shouldn’t be amazed!
How the fuck did you (Jordan) know anyone in Sydney when you grew up on Side 7 with Amuro? Seriously, you just broke your own canon. You broke it again when you said that you grew up in Cincinnati for most of your life, so how could you know people from Sydney. Oh, and let’s not forget to mention that Side 7 met its population limit well before this point, so you couldn’t move there… derp derp derp derpity derp.
The jokes you steal are terrible and add no point. It actually detracts from it.
Let’s not forget to mention that your fight scenes are painfully boring. It feels like I’m watching a bad episode of Gundam Seed Destiny… right down to the Seed Mode in the flashback. Seriously, no newtype ever had this dumb power… and you have Char become a cheerleader during that pathetic fight. You do realize that your distance from me is the only real thing that prevents you from dying, right?
Speaking of which, this IS Gundam Seed. Because the way you write this garbage is more along the line of the Cosmic Era than the Universal Century. Hell, the characters are just copies of Seed characters. So here’s another question: why didn’t you write a Seed fanfic… oh wait.
I’m not even reading your fights anymore. It’s the same shit over and over. I’ll even prove it. Faggotor and his butt buddies fight Char and his OC crew. Char loses because fuck you logic Faggotor can’t lose. Rinse and repeat… for the rest of the fanfic.
Garma’s presence changes nothing. Just more fodder for Faggotor to kill so he can validate his worthless existence.
Oh, when did Faggotor become the main protagonist? The guy is horribly unlikeable, to the point where I see no redeemable qualities about him. If you removed him, the story would instantly improve. You’re not going to though, so I’ll just tell you to preemptively go fuck off and stop writing this trash.
Well, that was fun. Now I’m going to commit suicide so I never remember shit like this ever again.
| Wing00Raiser chapter 6 . 2/26/2011
hey, not that i don't like the use of other AU tech, but you do realize that most of this is far to advanced for UC 0079 right? now if this was zeta you'd get away with this no problem thats all. PS, really funny stuff here
| SulliMike23 chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
I hate to break it to you, but there is ALREADY an RX-78-1, an RX-78-3, and an RX-78-4. Look them up on .
| DragonKnightRyu chapter 6 . 2/8/2011
As always a good chapter
| Patriot-112 chapter 5 . 2/4/2011
Well, things are gonna get interesting from here on out. By the way, is Amuro's mother gonna disown him like she did in canon?
| DragonKnightRyu chapter 5 . 2/4/2011
AH such fun, if only I could reenter earth atmosphere in a Gundam
| Patriot-112 chapter 4 . 2/3/2011
Oh, the love birds are at it. This is getting good.
| Patriot-112 chapter 3 . 2/2/2011
I don't even want to know what the sock means. Nice job on the battle scene.
| DragonKnightRyu chapter 3 . 2/2/2011
Little do the pilots realize that they are in for quite the Torture... I mean Training Session...
| Patriot-112 chapter 2 . 1/31/2011
Oh shit, it appears the Red Comet and Black Dragon are gonna allies at one point. Also, keep up the good work, and thanks for solving a problem of mine.
| DragonKnightRyu chapter 2 . 1/31/2011
Ah, nothing like a good fic coming together
| Patriot-112 chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
Man, talk about a change in history.
| DragonKnightRyu chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
Ah, classics with a twist