Reviews for Ages
Farla chapter 1 . 1/31/2011
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

When used in place of a name, it's written Father, not father. It's only in constructions like my/her/the father that it's written as such.

[I shrug my shoulders. There's nothing I can really do about it. I may as well enjoy my preflight banquet as much as possible. I clap my hands and show my thanks for the meal. Of course, father cooked my favorite breakfast for the occasion.

I lick my lips in anticipation and slather honey butter over my waffles. I pour a generous helping of maple syrup over everything on my plate. I don't know where I get my taste buds from. Neither father nor mother like syrup on their soft-boiled eggs and spicy sausage. I, on the other hand, simply love it.]

It does not and will never matter your character is eating waffles before getting their pokemon.

...he knows what pokemon he's choosing after seeing an article about a famous dragon trainer? For one thing if he idolizes the guy he should already have thought of this. For another, this had better not mean they pass out dragon-type starters.

And now we stop without him having done anything that so much as resembles interesting. It's like you think "will this story stop being boring?" is a cliffhanger.