|Reviews for Before They Were Wing Mates|
| Dino chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
For a first fic, there is nothing to criticize on your writing or the manner in which the ideas you had were brought out. Others have already mentioned the formatting issues, but I think those don't detract from the reading experience as long as I can still tell the individual sentences apart.
Your lack of research into canon background shows, however. There is an absence of consistency in the use of ranks within narration: is it "F/L" or "Flight Lieutenant"? Since you are writing from Jane's point of view, her inner voice and the one she speaks with should use the same term.
Furthermore, while you clearly have read up on the 504th (as they aren't touched on much in animated canon), there is a glaring loophole which could easily have been avoided. From the title, one would assume that this fic is set before Don and Jane formed their partnership. However, they were already partners in the Eighth Air Force, prior to joining the 504th. As such, the situation you portray in the fic cannot logically take place at any point in the canon timeline. In fact, it is entirely possible for you to replace mentions of 504th members with names of other characters with historical Eighth Air Force archetypes, and the story could have progressed in the same way.
| Victor Petrenko chapter 1 . 1/30/2011
This was good I really liked the part where Don said she couldn't put a cloud on Jane's face it was sweet but funny to. Although I hoped the story wouldn't be over just yet when I finished. The only reason I hadn't noticed at first being I had just gotten out of bed.
| ThornKun chapter 1 . 1/30/2011
Well done. For your "first" fanfic, which I honestly doubt because of the work's amazing quality, it's really good. I saw no grammar errors at all, which is always a nice surprise yet surprisingly rare these days. I loved your story, the relationship between Don and Jane was well portrayed in my opinion. In just over a thousand words, you managed to capture the beauty of their relationship without the use of a kiss or directly stating it, a truly difficult feat. Thank you for this beautiful story.
| uber-tastic chapter 1 . 1/30/2011
This is great. More Don/Jane is always a good thing.
As far as writing goes, your characterization was solid and the story premise was interesting. All in all a good read.
The only thing I'd recommend you change is the formatting; just put and extra line between new speakers and paragraphs. It's not really all that important, but it's more aesthetically pleasing.
That said, I hope you write some more! I'll be looking forward to your future works.