|Reviews for Inheritance and Fate|
| guest chapter 3 . 6/28/2015
I think it only fair to tell you that you have lost a reader with this list of characters. it might not be a bad thing after a few chapters, a reference of Original characters the reader can use to check, since this is published in pieces, but I find it off-putting. I have never read a book with a cast list in the front. If the author can't be bothered to introduce each character as he occurs in the tale, I can be bothered to read a cast list.
I don't mean this as a flame. I like to review what I read, and explain why when a story fails to interest me.
| storylistener chapter 3 . 7/3/2011
Just a slight criticism. This is chapter 3 and you have yet to actually start the story. You have just lost my interest. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I do not mean to sound mean or flame like, just saying for future reference, start the story sooner.
| loretta537 chapter 17 . 6/14/2011
thank you so much for the update! i love how harry is learning even though he cant move. and i really like seeing the changes in hogwarts, the dmle, and other places. i love seeing what is happening with the weasley family, i find it so interesting that as soon as molly leaves and arthur starts doing what he wants the weasley family gets out of debt. i cant wait to see how ron is doing away from home and family. i cant wait to see who put the spells on petunia and what is done to them or what harry will do with the baby when it is born.
| dogsby chapter 17 . 6/13/2011
This is definitely a unique and far reaching social change story. Thank you. It is a an enjoyable and entertaining read. It goes where JKR could only have dreamed of going, if she had the time an creative efforts to do so.
| Jessica Black1 chapter 17 . 6/9/2011
good story I just find that your pacing is wonky, a little separater between time or place shift would be nice. and its Gellert Grindlewald not Grindenwald. outside of that i love your story
| KafeiDetour chapter 17 . 6/8/2011
Wow what an amazing story, I love what you have done with it.
| cj-cold chapter 17 . 6/8/2011
Enjoying seeing the effort to reform society on such a large scale with everyone contributing on their little corner.
The Auror reforms are rather interesting. I did think of a possibility for showing that from a closer perspective. The canon character of Tonks, generally placed at 7 years older than Harry should be at the Auror Academy during Harry's first year. You could show her point of view of the 'new' training.
I do wonder what the press is reporting about this new Hogwarts and other changes in the wizarding world. I know that the DMLE is taking measures to conceal the extent of their reforms but I find it hard to believe that Hogwarts has managed that.
The press/ print industry might need an overhaul given the way Skeeter and the Prophet operated during Goblet of Fire.
More soon please.
| TriniRandy86 chapter 16 . 6/2/2011
Wow, this story is going great, I would've liked to see more of the Heir's room, but I look forward to the next chapters wth much enthusiasm
| Mana's Cinder chapter 7 . 6/1/2011
No offense meant, but your story is an absolute organizational nightmare. Nothing is clear, very little makes sense. You need to work on your structuring and on your explanation. Just because something makes sense to you, it does not mean that it will make sense to your readers. You look at the story from a different perspective.
I read up to chapter seven (which is in reality chapter 3 or 4?) and I have way too many questions about things I should be confused about. I have no idea what half of the stuff you add in even does to affect the story at all. It all just looks like an attempt to add depth to your story, which would typically be great, but with the poor way you actually present these ideas it all comes out garbled and not easy to comprehend.
For perhaps 45-60% of the time, I have absolutely no idea who is talking, if what I'm reading is actually dialog or if you mean the story to be in third or first person.
I hope you realize that you -have- to choose one or the other.
Another issue is that your very premise is unintelligible and flawed. You speak about Harry having debts. You do not explain these debts. You speak of his gender being an issue. You don't actually say why. You put in this garbled nonsense about money and family secrets, and yet you have people willing to sell these secrets or exchange them for debt clearance. That does not make any damn sense.
Another thing is how inconsistent your dialog actually is. Your Harry goes between being clueless, to business savvy, to clueless, to performing magical rituals, and somehow managing to be independent at the age of 10 or 11? Other characters seem to constantly shift in tone and personality as well.
I can only suggest three things: 1) Buy a book on english grammar and composition. It'll only cost you something like $12; 2) Rewrite the story, using a beta to help you work out the glaring issues; 3) Reread every chapter several times before uploading it. Have your friends read it. Have your parents and grandparents read it. Try and get your pets to read it. Make sure what you're going to upload actually makes sense outside of what you initially brain-stormed and also make sure that your story flows and remains consistent.
| hatchi cullen-black chapter 5 . 5/28/2011
this is good so for
| RRW chapter 4 . 4/6/2011
This is really interesting...
| mitremlap chapter 16 . 4/5/2011
love your story, thank you
| mitremlap chapter 4 . 4/5/2011
great beginning, but you might want to combine the first three chapters of author information into the intro chapter
| Parrot Post chapter 1 . 4/5/2011
I would change the summary. Its not really apparent what you mean by independent buddy as opposed to regular buddy/friend. A longer, more descriptive summary might be a good idea as well.
| sarah-rose76646 chapter 2 . 3/31/2011
Reading your Author note in first chapter, i'm very happy to announce that i share most of your likes and dislikes in a story. Unfortunately, seeing that your second chapter is, too, Author notes, i'm afraid you have made the mistake that comes under one of the few restrictions applied by fanfiction. i.e. You cant publish a chapter only with Author notes. Even bigger that normal (i.e. 3-4 lines maximum) Author notes are prohibited and grounds for suspension from Fan Fiction. Consequently, it is also one of the things that I dislike in a story. So, i thought i should inform you, so that you can edit these and delete them, or make them short and in a chapter with actual story, therefore avoid breaking 's one of fundamental author agreement rules. Negligence is not a crime, but keep repeating same mistake counts as stupidity, which unfortunately, is not a crime either, just annoying. That will be all. Thank you for your time and patience.
Sarah J Rose