Reviews for Duality
hJA4M chapter 1 . 9/2
Veri n1c3Rsast0riWU
Sol D. Mars chapter 3 . 5/7/2013
For the first story its not bad. :
bum7 chapter 3 . 9/24/2012
Hope ya update soon
Love it so far!
Kiyomaro-kun chapter 3 . 8/26/2011
aren't you going to update this fic? what a shame, it seems a nice story
Another Duck chapter 3 . 4/19/2011
It seems like an interesting beginning of a fic, even if I like Himari more than the other characters. I'd like to see where it's heading.

It's not without its problems, though. Occasionally, I find it a little hard to imagine the scene in my mind. The old and clich├ęd saying, "show, don't tell," can be applied here. You don't need to describe everything, but a little more would be helpful to understanding the events. One particular example that stuck out in that regard was in the first chapter, "... began to lick his neck, as if desiring him." How did that show desire? It's better to describe the action rather than telling the purpose behind it.

Another thing is that the spoken thoughts seem a little stilted sometimes, like they're only there for exposition.

Most other things are good or decent, though, so you've got a good base to continue on.
omegarulesall chapter 3 . 3/3/2011
Interesting. Hope to see more :)
JESSEshogun chapter 1 . 3/1/2011
I expect more, give your readers more.