|Reviews for Adventurers Beware|
| ladybug114 chapter 5 . 3/12/2013
wow wow wow! this is fantastic and creepy and scary and exciting and... write more PLEASE!
| person chapter 5 . 9/22/2012
please continue this story. i know its been a while since u wrote but please continue. im a huge fan of both jumanji and mbs and i really want to kno how this story will end. please continue now!
| sock-feet-and-stirring-sand chapter 5 . 2/21/2012
This story is amazing! It was recommended to me by a friend, and it's been so action-packed and just outstanding! Keep it up!
| Verygood chapter 5 . 2/14/2012
You've improved... This is very good. I would work on controlling how much happens in each chapter though, it seems there are very unequal chapter portions.
| Grammar Defender chapter 5 . 2/11/2012
Excellent. Most excellent. I really have been enjoying this story greatly, and it's great that you've been updating so often recently.
The characters were in-character, the grammar was most excellent, and pretty much all I have left to talk about are a few small commenty things.
I can't say that I was taken with the first couplet here, but admittedly those things are pretty hard to make. I don't think it was meant to be amusing, but I actually laughed aloud when they started getting rained on inside.
The whole getting sucked into the quicksand thing bugged me (you only sink in quicksand up to about your chest, then you achieve neutral buoyancy and blah blah blah physics) up until I realized that the quicksand was also a vortex/drain thing. So you're fine there.
I really did like the leeches couplet. speaking of leeches, the way you phrased a particular piece of dialogue made me think that Kate was about to dive headlong into the leeches. That would have been somewhat unfortunate.
Interesting fact: Piranhas have taste-buds outside of their bodies. To tell if something is worth eating, they brush up against it first to taste it. It has nothing to do with the story, but I think it's really cool and thought it worth mentioning.
I loved Rhonda's entrance. It wasn't until then that I really appreciated what an absolutely ludicrous situation they're in. You do Rhonda very well indeed.
I look forward to the next installment of this! Thanks!
P.S. Is Nomansland being worked on? I'm not nagging - I'm just curious.
| Grammar Defender chapter 4 . 1/13/2012
Morning! This was an excellent chapter. It may not be solely action-based, but it's engaging and interesting nonetheless. Rather, I think that the dialogue was the interesting part. Jumanji is an interesting game and all, but the way I see it the game is just a good way to see the characters play off each other and see how they would react when being attacked by things other than Ten Men.
I thought you wrote Constance and Sticky flawlessly. I especially liked how Sticky actually left. I was reading along not really expecting him to leave the house (or try to, anyway). It came as quite a surprise for me when he made up his mind. Unexpected. Very good.
Would Mr. Benedict's house really have a tapestry room?
Personally, I think your poetry was just fine. I was especially fond of the scorpion couplet. And I recognize that last one! Yay! I was wondering how you were going to work that in.
I didn't spot any grammatical errors.
Thanks for the great chapter!
| Traka the Elf chapter 1 . 3/28/2011
I like the basic concept; though you aren't having enoughin each chapter
| Grammar Defender chapter 1 . 3/11/2011
You're right-golden fanfiction material. Is Jumanji really a video game? What a shame. Can't they leave anything as a book?
I really like the writing style-very fluent and smooth. The second chapter has a nice opening. Also, I have to disagree with Kahlan on this one-Kate wouldn't be able to get out of the way of a cart on a rampage. I mean, normally she would, but she was tied up at the moment. I haven't read Jumanji in ages, but aren't the various misfortunes supposed to be targeted at whoever's turn it was? So, shouldn't yon python been striking hard and squeezing tight Sticky?
I'm looking forward to the next chapter of this.
| GreatKateZonkeyMachine chapter 1 . 2/23/2011
I actually spent a great deal of time trying to count the squares on the movie board. I don't know where you got your information, but by my eyes the actual prop had an unequal number of spaces on each path, ranging from 29 to 35. So I went with 35.
| S.P.J.N.D chapter 3 . 2/22/2011
What did the first riddle mean, and when is it going to show?
| ka has moved chapter 3 . 2/22/2011
... (In a dark tone) WHAT did you do to Milligan?
Not too happy about that there. I'm so glad you did it. ;)
You do realize that now you must update this as quickly as possible, right? Just making sure.
As for CC, I'm pretty sure that the singular of "dice" is "die," as well as I'm aware, or it's at least another spelling of that. I'm not sure though, so I'm probably wrong.
You used "Python's" instead of "Pythons." That was a typographical error, though.
Also, why did you put "[ohmaygash]" into the middle of your story? I keep trying to discern a reason, but I can't. Clarification?
Worrying very much about Milligan,
| ka has moved chapter 2 . 2/13/2011
[Quick note: I got exactly three hours of sleep last night, three hours of sleep just now, had a terrible stomachache of unknown causes, and my mouth is hurting from my braces. Therefore, I'm in a bad mood, so you probably won't be getting the greatest review ever in terms of accuracy and fairness.]
As for the bonus points - I'm going to say A Series of Unfortunate Events.
I love the beginning of your chapter: "Rhonda was completely and utterly wrong." It's not the kind of beginning you expect, really, and it makes you interested and want to find out why, exactly, Miss Rhonda Kazembe was wrong.
Grammar was flawless (save the one instance I noticed when you used "whoever" instead of "whomever;" the difference between who and whom is the same as he and him - when you answer a question using he, you ask who. When you answer a question using him, you ask whom); plotline is smoothly coordinated so far, and everyone is IC (except for Milligan, who will always be the quiet depressed type to me, so he's likely in character to everyone but me and I therefore have no right to comment on it).
Bad things keep happening to Kate, and yet she manages to come away unscathed. Now, I realize that Kate is supposed to be Super Bucket and everything, but I think that she'd at least have some bad bruises and quite possibly a lot of blood, and I also don't think that Milligan and Kate wouldn't have time to get out of the way of a speeding grocery cart before it hit them (especially if Reynie and Constance were screaming loud enough). So parts with that feel unrealistic to me.
And I realize that it's a K rating, but this /is/ Jumanji, so you may have to up the rating to keep it aligned with the inherent violence of said video game.
I really need to stop typing now, and end the review, because I'm not sure which direction it's going in. In a nutshell, I'm really looking forward to where you're taking this story, but I think that when physical bad things happen to characters, there should be physical consequences (or at least, more than there already are).
| Lithos Maitreya chapter 1 . 2/7/2011
I am watching this...
| AlmostInsanity chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
This has definitely piqued my interest and I'm eager to see where you take it. As usual, the writing itself is fantastic - I saw no grammatical errors! - and it appears as if you've come up with a highly entertaining plot. I'll most certainly be adding this to my alert list.