|Reviews for Lily Luna Potter: my life, my story, my future|
| JackieStarSister chapter 1 . 12/26/2011
I can imagine Harry's kids feeling as though everyone knows them for their dad instead of them.
A technicality: I think Lily Luna Potter is supposed to have red hair, like Ginny and Lily Evans Potter.
"I feel as if I am shunned and no one really realizes me. They have never realized me, ever." First, you said "realize" twice there sentence, I'm guessing that's a mistake. Second, you have to back up such a statement. Harry doesn't seem to neglect her when he gives her birthday money.
In the second paragraph you suddenly switch from first person (I was) to third person (Lily was). And, though your previous two reviewers for this story were very rude about it, it's true that you should break these - at least the second paragraph - into more paragraphs. It will make the chapter look longer, and it will make the dialogue easier to read.
| Mellybean23 chapter 1 . 2/23/2011
Use the freaking enter key!
| Not Interested In Your Lies chapter 1 . 2/23/2011
Wow, you still don't know how to use the enter key. You are such a dumbass. Keep writing. You amuse me.