|Reviews for Pokemon Heroes: Uprising|
| Tanon chapter 7 . 2/1/2012
"Careful. Those bladed arms are my pride, don't bandage them too much." That doesn't make sense. -_-
'They took my trainer and me, forcing us to undergo a brutal experiment. The end result is this. I'm a Pokémon with the mind of a human.' You never fully explain how much of the fused pokemon's psyche is pokemon and how much is human.
'The Zoroark, nicknamed Xander Atra' What is it with this trainer and bad names? It's like a disease...
'The human himself could easily understand his Pokémon's language' Okay, the Gary Stu is beginning to approach.
'"Those operatives could have overpowered us if they learned one thing. Mastering their Pokémon through connection and emotion." Zephyr answered his question.' More Sun Tzu.
"It'll be alright!" Piplup tried to be cheerful. "I'm sure he'll want to meet you again sometime!" Actually, the boy is a secret UAAF agent and he's OUT TO GET YOU. XD
'"Wow…I didn't know I was such a good joker…" Gallade questioned his ability to amuse children. ' My sense of humour is off trying to commit suicide, thanks to you.
'Two milliseconds later the kids were once again roaring with laughter, while their parents couldn't help but chuckle along with their reaction.' He died.
Ok, speedreading now becuase I'm sleepy as heck.
'"Exactly. It was a plan to create totally obedient and loyal fighters to their alliance. They believe with Pokémon that possessed human minds, it would not have to rely on its trainer too much while in a fight. It was dubbed a failure by many because the end product either didn't meet the expectations of their trainers, or simply because the fused being didn't listen to their masters." Gallade sipped some coffee in angst.' You know, instead of just copy and pasting the same story every time he has to tell it, you could change it up a little so that new information is revealed about the project. Let us into Gallade's mind. Tell us how different it is now after the fusion. Where is the pokemon's mind? Where is the human's mind? Where is my mouse?
Where IS my mouse?
'. "It's not possible…how did you defeat us!"' Gary Stu.
'The agent's partners all stood and stared on in disbelief. How was it possible? This young man's two Pokémon, seemingly to be no more powerful than any old regular trainer they came across at first sight, easily dodged all of the Dark Ninetales's attacks without any effort, and when the time was right, he leapt in, delivered a couple of slashes with its claws before finally putting it out of commission with a nasty dark pule attack. Their thoughts about Zephyr's Zoroark just made them want to claim it more. A Pokémon that could easily create illusions of own self, dodge incoming blasts of fire by simply sidestepping, and act like it could read every single thought within the attacker's mind? It was just an unbearable capture ready to be stolen and given in for further processing.' This just proves my point.
"About time someone made them eat their own vile tools." Tastes like chicken, I'd bet.
Also, where the hell is Ash?
'It was going to be a crushing victory.' By Xander's standards, a crushing victory seems to be a normal victory. Curbstomp battle.
Well, I'm going to be blunt. I don't like Xander, and that battle scene was way too protracted. I just ended up skipping the last few thousand words. :S
| Tanon chapter 6 . 1/31/2012
'Donald took the cigar and tossed it at the aide's head. "Pardon your manners, useless! For I am in a very important lecture, must you poop on my glorious and educational enlightenment session?"'
This guy leads a military organisation and uses the word 'poop'? What.
'The last thing he remembered before choking on the thick smog was a swift blow to the back of his head and two men dragging him away.' THANK YOU. FINALLY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GO 'Oh, I'm writing a kidnap/ where I need to knock someone out. Hmm...I could just have the guy being knocked out receive a blow to the head, or a cloth with chloroform held to the face...I KNOW I'LL USE A NEEDLE! Nevermind that it takes the longest, and is the hardest to administer! It's BEST CHOICE.'
'my Pokémon will sever your head like a sick fruit' Firstly, what is the difference between a sick and a healthy fruit in this case, and secondly, WTF does a sick fruit have to do with beheading?
'"I…" Typhlosion uttered.
"This can't be!" The Prinplup panicked.
"Oh my god…I'm a Pokémon!" Machoke exclaimed, excited and shocked at the same time.
Espeon noticed she had walked on all fours, since her trainer was obviously a bipedal creature. "No! How can it be!"
"You…" Gallade threatened, clearly knowing what happened to them. "What did you do to us!"' This is my first serious comment of the review, but their reactions don't seem to be right. In my opinion, they figure out the 'You're a pokemon' thing way too quickly. I would have expected some disorientation, especially seeing as they had been previously knocked out by some drug anyway. And what happens to the mind of the original pokemon? I hope it's still there.
'The Machoke menacingly threatened,' That would have been nice alliteration if 'menace' was a verb. Sadly, it is not. :(
Wait, what? So Donald locks everyone in, but neglects to stop the door from being opened by the keycard that a guard would invariably tried to use to open said door? Disconnect.
2357? 23 5 25 7. Lol.
'but he had seen talking Pokemon quite a few times so it wasn't too much of a surprise' Just how rare are these talking pokemon? The figure seems to vary.
"The male counterpart of the legendary Eon Pokemon." Gallade explained. "Its passing has caused a revolt among the entire population of Pokemon, all on land, sea, and air." Yeah, as opposed to the OTHER Latios that Tobias just seems to have. I mean, what were the writers thinking? It would have been better if you hadn't put Tobias in the fic, methinks. It confuses things a lot.
"W-WHAT!" Gallade's eyes widened, knowing that this was a mix of a good and bad omen for the distant future. "It's…its alive!" YES. Tobias has it! *trollface*
I wonder if Riley's gonna show off his Aura. Riley is OP.
Piplup needs to man up and use that Hydro Pump.
"I've got it handled. I won't gain any experience unless I receive pain." Oh god. Garchomp's turned into Sun Tzu 2.0
"Watch out! It's going to slam you from above!" No shit, Sherlock. I wonder why else that Garchomp would be above the Poliwrath? Dis guy Captain Obvious.
Charizard and Dragonite? Ash and Leon would be very sad now.
'That's impossible! How can it be so agile!' ACTION REPLAY HAX.
You're kidding me. Riley only has one pokemon, and he doesn't attempt to use his aura skills?
HAHA! The rule of Eevee is invoked!
Seishirou Zephyr Syuusuke. The hell? And your names had been normal up until then. Well, apart from a certain volcano.
Why don't they attack the dark pokemon's balls directly?
' Out of nowhere, when their victory was so close, some wannabe kid comes out of nowhere to spoil their battle' Oh, it's just a Deus Ex Machina.
Oh dear. New character with impossible-to-spell name is another Sun Tzu.
What is with you and old sayings? Lol.
Need my sleep. Noight.
| Tanon chapter 5 . 1/31/2012
I'll tell you what sucks? Clicking the review button and having the page teleport straight back up to the top of the site.
'Gallade silently sat away from the crowd' Erm. A crowd of two?
Has Gallade suddenly turned into some Zen character with a knack of throwing out quotes?
Paul. As in canon Paul or OC Paul?
Ah, canon Paul.
Thunderpunch is a trademark move? It was used last chapter by that guy's Dragonite...whatshisname...Leon!
So that means that Jimmy can also still recall the memories that the pokemon he was fused with had? Well, I guess so. It's not really Jimmy, is it? It's some kind of Jimatoa hybrid.
Also, guessing that the Typholsion used to belong to Ash? Just something that Paul said.
So much for Piplup being a useless battler.
You know, seeing as Giovanni's working for the UAAF, who are Jessie and James working for?
We both know that the freeze gun is bs. ;D
Lolwut. A Pidgeot. Using a Peck attack. What.
Um, I thought Ash managed to meet Mewtwo and survive, or has he told nobody?
Oh...so Jimmy is a canon character?
*One Google later*
Yes. Yes he is. And he owns a Typhlosion? Ok, so now I know who Krakatoa used to belong to.
Bianca is lucking out insanely here. I mean, the heal ball thing, then using Double Team instead of Aerial Ace etc.
If you were wondering, this isn't the serious review you asked me for. I still like to randomly comment when I read a fic I enjoy reading. The actual review will be at the end. ;D
| Tanon chapter 2 . 1/31/2012
'Care to tell me why you're such a gallant guardian?' Lol, and she's asking a Gallade that question.
Betcha the Gallade and...Krakatoa know each other.
"Tell me, what's the meaning of life for you?" Forty tw- /shot
You'd think that having a typhlosion as a starter would be abnormal. Also, wouldn't it be common sense to catch Krakatoa and release him immediately as a precaution against him getting caught by someone else?
Who the hell is Kellyn? Weird name as well. Looks like someone wanted to type 'Kelly' and accidentally added an extra letter. GameFreak and their weird names. Let's not talk about N.
Homemade cycle copter. Really? I mean, there was actually one made, but it's almost entirely made out of balsa and this really light fabric. Oh, it's also the size of a hall.
Ash and Brock and their bromance. Lol.
'So much things have happened lately, but I've always thought that something…just something is missing from my life.' Ok, I noticed this but decided not to mention this, but still, don't you think that's just a little over the top and cliche?
| Tanon chapter 1 . 1/30/2012
Ok. Long A/N.
'Booting main system…
Please enter password.
Please scan fingerprint…fingerprint approved. Welcome Professor Oak.
Retrieving files…searching main data base...located...awaiting retrieval permission…
Permission granted…welcome back Professor.
Classified files codenamed "Project Space Strain: 01302011" now accessible…
Warning: Hacker detected. Defective fingerprint detected. Commencing server shutdown. Main power offline. Severing auxiliary power.
Warning. Warning. Sensitive document theft detected. Immediate attention and assist-
"Excellent. The files are hacked. This is almost too easy."
I have to question a security system that lets you in and then starts checking the fingerprint to see if it's defective or not.
The italicised bit is mostly in past tense, but bits of it are in present tense where it shouldn't be. Of course, it's the opposite for the italicised bit after 'The Modern Day'.
I have to give you kudos for extrapolating all this from Latios' death and still keeping it plausible.
It's ANCIENT PROPHECY TIME!
Laia Legit name.
' She handed Latias a delicious-looking sandwich from her backpack' If that sandwich had bacon, it must be delicious.
I sense angst, but if there was bacon in the sandwich then everything's fine.
"Oh, I just hope I could get in touch with him somehow…" she placed the sketchpad on her lap and gave a heavy sigh. "I know you miss him very much, but it's been 5 years and we still haven't heard from him. Please forgive me. I've done everything in my power to try and contact the trainer, but it's impossible to know where he currently is given his traveling plans." Having my review crash meant that I typed this up after reading the chapter. Now, wouldn't Bianca know where Ash was seeing as he was just at the Lily of the Valley conference?
I am an idiot. I thought the pokemon was an Usaring, completely forgetting what you said in the A/N's.
You'd think Latias would have heard of the whole UAAF thing.
Krakatoa? -.- .
'The agent riding on the back of a Charizard hefted a missile-launching tube of some sort, and fired it at Garchomp. The Mach Pokemon promptly leapt into the air' All I could think of at the moment was ROCKET JUMP! Even though it wasn't.
Stop, drop n' roll.
After the first review crashed, I couldn't be bothered pointing out individual mistakes, but I had to point this one out.
' he immediately stabilized himself with its ' The he is now an it? O_o
'…you can't take me on one on one?' And then there's another one.
Salamence is a hedonist. And I had always spelt Salamence as Salamance. Fail.
'"Why did I get a stinkin' Fearow?" one of them complained.' The Fearow doesn't mind being spoken about like that? Or is there some brainwashing going on?
Entity Three? It's ANCIENT PROPHECY TIME!
'"I was born a mute due to birth complications," the Eon dragoness telepathed.' But later on you say that she can make cooing and 'la' sounds.
Brock wasn't at Unova? Or was this written before Unova? Is there even any Gen V material in this fic? I just want to know.
Well, I'll have to say that you've shaped things up nicely for what seems like a looooooooooooooooooooooong fic (of course, I say this knowing that you've already penned 300000 words, but still...). While you have a beta for later chapters, I would still like to see you fix up the errors in the eariler chapters, seeing as those are the ones new readers will read first. It's annoying, but as I suppose you already know, the first chapter is usually the worst, and yet is the one that should be the best.
Well, there goes my one liner review. I'm not going to review any of the other chapters except for a small comment. I'll give another longer review when I reach chapter 21.
...IF I reach 21. This thing is huge.
| Bety166 chapter 11 . 1/20/2012
This story is finally looking up a little. Even though it is not much, things can only get so bad before the current heroes are defeated. Then the story would really lose all of its interest for me. Don't go overboard with stuff like the soul transfusion (is that what it is called?). Then the story gets hard to stomach (at least for me, anyways). I am a total fantasy junky, so I do not run into this problem often (yes, even in these fan fic archives). When I do, then I can almost see a REALLY red flag go up in my head.
| MegaAuthor chapter 22 . 1/20/2012
Can you please make this a separate fic altogether for this chapter? Call it Pokemon Heroes AU: Aftershock
I feels not so right with SOPA and PIPA talk and now your glorious fic has this... negative impulse... I know you are trying to deliver a message here, but seeing this one before the next glorious fic makes me really uneasy.
Please, make it a separate story altogether; I'll review it to the fullest, personally.
| Bety166 chapter 1 . 1/13/2012
AMAZING intro. Cannot wait to read the rest of what you have so far. Aside from the little to nothing showtime for Ash, I am just sucked into the story (being the read-aholice I already am). I am probably going to go nuts waiting for the chapters to come out and scream very loudly when they do.
| Loquacious Sesquipedalian chapter 21 . 1/8/2012
For your "first shot" at a "mushy and romantic" chapter is seems that you did quite a bit of straying from romance! But that didn't make it bad. So... congratulations?
Ash and Latias sure seem a weird couple especially after Ash's transformation. (I don't know what to call it.) Latias is mostly really cheerful, almost amusingly so, whereas Ash this chapter is depressed, and when he's not, angry for most of the chapter. And then Latias mentions Ash's brief moment where he thinks about his powers harming her. We'll see Latias...
The ending of the chapter was really interesting. They were going into the casino and I was thinking: "Really? The author is really going to write this scene." The whole think made me kinda nervous for Ash reading all this crazy stuff. And then He killed the Ex-UAAF soldier. Or did he? Pretty disturbing for a "Mushy and Romantic" chapter. But hey, disturbing the audience is always good, right?
| Vaknuva chapter 17 . 1/8/2012
I thought Riley was an aura gaurdian?
| Kiwami no Sengoku chapter 21 . 1/8/2012
I suppose that it is kind off fitting that as your beta-reader, I shall be the one to provide the hundredth review of this fic.
I don't really have anything against romance. I'm insecure about the genre because I'm not sure if I'm able to write a good romantic scene. That uncertainty somewhat makes me crestfallen. In any case, let us initiate the review.
Between the Christmas special documents and this one, I enjoyed proof-reading the latter to be honestly. All those jolly and happy scenes do not appeal to me in the slightest. Go figure. I'm a realist, not an optimist. Despite this being your first time treading into the romance department, the execution was pretty good.
It was not too 'mushy' which is very good in my eyes. Based solely on this chapter, you're quite mature when it comes to writing romance. I particularly enjoyed the scene in the restroom where Ash was in a dilemma regarding his feelings towards Latias. After all, you don't get many second chances at romance, especially when there is an overprotective brother who would not hesitate to Luster Purge you if you hurt his sister's feelings. It was nice to see finally admit his love for Latias but the way he said it seemed... unnatural to me.
Nice to see a little back-story on Krakatoa/Jimmy, even if I don't care too much about him. I had a serious issue with him in the Christmas special. Writing the 'pigging' scenes was... painful. It was not funny to me at all... maybe because I put emphasis on proper table etiquette.
Hmm..., it would seem that Ash is a total sap since he does not want to see his 'mate' disappointed. He would even go so far as to give into temptation and involve himself in gambling. It's a major sin in my eyes but hey, it's just a story. Money is the devil's whisper and this fact is proven when Ash became obsessed with winning more cash.
The cliffhanger part was not well executed in my opinion. You already revealed enough details for the readers to guess what would happen next. If Ash were to kill the guy, then he'd be wanted in every city of Kanto, something that the heroes do not need at the moment. Leon will stop him, I guess.
Since it's a new year, I'll be more lenient and award this chapter a 9.5/10.
P.S. If you're sending me the latest chapter soon, then please do not send it before the 20th of January since I'm having my tests. Thanks.
| MegaAuthor chapter 21 . 1/7/2012
*Gulp*, why am I feeling really uneasy here after reading this fic...? I know that inherit a pokemon traits had its benefits... but Ash took that to a whole new level!
Haha, to all those writers and readers who wanted AshXLatias or related issue (I'm talking about you Foresthunter!), Soldier here isn't looking for 'Ash is the main character LOLOLOL TROLL' batshit; its what the plot on how the story is taken place, like how Tendou would do with his own OC.
Speaking of OC, what happen to mine Soldier? I'm getting worried not getting a word from her! DX
Casino is a sinful place, going in that unholy place is also consider a sinful act, like Latios would have put it; its a place where sinful greedy humans who cannot control their lust of money. Kinda like a craze dictator, but I'll leave it at that as it has nothing to do with Pokemon.
Ah, found several typo mistake Soldier, if it is intensional or not, you better check it out. you might be able to spot it right away.
Bianca, Leon and Krakatoa moment of playing cards. Peaceful time! And bad memory sequence too! Why is Ash's Buizel wanted to goof off with Sceptile is beyond me... but hey, at least some one is having fun XD
I give this fic... 8/10? I dunno man, having Ash with a fiery attitude and blood feud rage is absolutely not his thing. Maybe Lord Archeus can defuse this trait once the series is over eh?
I wonder how many more AshXLatios readers would came in and give bad comment about this fic? I'm loving it just as it is! Its a pokemon fic people, where POKEMON FIGHT FOR OUR AMUSEMENTS! Wait... that's sounds so... wrong...
Gotta Write 'em ALL!
| Arsenal18 chapter 19 . 12/30/2011
Hi, it is me again found a quote that has this story written all over it. I got it from a Doctor Who episode and this is it "Demons run, when good men go to war" and I say that quote sums up the general idea of the story.
| Arsenal18 chapter 20 . 12/25/2011
This is a great unique story. I would like to see some more anime character time like misty, gary, dawn, iris, cilan, may, and max, but I guess they will be comeing sooner or later. One question are any of the above meghan characters going to get the hybred ablity too or is just going to be ash and leon? Great story and update soon please.
| fatescanner chapter 10 . 12/22/2011
Hey, Soldier! csigamer1990 here once again! :P
While I won't make any complaints as to the plot direction in this chapter, which I though was okay, I have to admit that a lot of the dialogue in this chapter was written in weird ways, although I guess that's because this was an early chapter, and you didn't have much experience then. Still, it's kind of amusing to see you use words like 'mines'. :P I don't even think 'mines' is a viable word to use in the situations you used it in, unless you're referring to land mines or something, which I highly doubt. XD
First Butch, and now Giovanni called Namba the right name? XD Do wonders never cease? :P
Wow, making a Spongebob reference there with the board's reactions to Dark Dragonite's slaughter. Guess you couldn't resist adding it, huh, Soldier? :P
Another thing I found myself scratching my head at is Zetta's casually referring to his subordinates with insulting monikers, i.e "Get your fat ass over here!" Calling to one of his aides..." or "... but if those two dipshits fail, I'll have to give it a chance." I don't know why, but I'd expect an evil leader of an organization (and as you've told me recently, considerably more than that) to use much more, eh, I guess 'refined' insults would be the word, if they deign to use them at all, as I would think their position would put them above using such crass remarks when referring to thier lessers, but that's just me.
Not much else to say here, apart from the obvious mention that Latios makes his first, albeit brief, appearance. Woot! :P Oh, and the way you closed off the chapter was also nice, and sweet, if you consider who's saying that to Ash. Awww... :3
Well, until next time, Soldier. Peace out!