|Reviews for Pokemon Heroes: Uprising|
| Vaknuva chapter 17 . 1/8/2012
I thought Riley was an aura gaurdian?
| Kiwami no Sengoku chapter 21 . 1/8/2012
I suppose that it is kind off fitting that as your beta-reader, I shall be the one to provide the hundredth review of this fic.
I don't really have anything against romance. I'm insecure about the genre because I'm not sure if I'm able to write a good romantic scene. That uncertainty somewhat makes me crestfallen. In any case, let us initiate the review.
Between the Christmas special documents and this one, I enjoyed proof-reading the latter to be honestly. All those jolly and happy scenes do not appeal to me in the slightest. Go figure. I'm a realist, not an optimist. Despite this being your first time treading into the romance department, the execution was pretty good.
It was not too 'mushy' which is very good in my eyes. Based solely on this chapter, you're quite mature when it comes to writing romance. I particularly enjoyed the scene in the restroom where Ash was in a dilemma regarding his feelings towards Latias. After all, you don't get many second chances at romance, especially when there is an overprotective brother who would not hesitate to Luster Purge you if you hurt his sister's feelings. It was nice to see finally admit his love for Latias but the way he said it seemed... unnatural to me.
Nice to see a little back-story on Krakatoa/Jimmy, even if I don't care too much about him. I had a serious issue with him in the Christmas special. Writing the 'pigging' scenes was... painful. It was not funny to me at all... maybe because I put emphasis on proper table etiquette.
Hmm..., it would seem that Ash is a total sap since he does not want to see his 'mate' disappointed. He would even go so far as to give into temptation and involve himself in gambling. It's a major sin in my eyes but hey, it's just a story. Money is the devil's whisper and this fact is proven when Ash became obsessed with winning more cash.
The cliffhanger part was not well executed in my opinion. You already revealed enough details for the readers to guess what would happen next. If Ash were to kill the guy, then he'd be wanted in every city of Kanto, something that the heroes do not need at the moment. Leon will stop him, I guess.
Since it's a new year, I'll be more lenient and award this chapter a 9.5/10.
P.S. If you're sending me the latest chapter soon, then please do not send it before the 20th of January since I'm having my tests. Thanks.
| MegaAuthor chapter 21 . 1/7/2012
*Gulp*, why am I feeling really uneasy here after reading this fic...? I know that inherit a pokemon traits had its benefits... but Ash took that to a whole new level!
Haha, to all those writers and readers who wanted AshXLatias or related issue (I'm talking about you Foresthunter!), Soldier here isn't looking for 'Ash is the main character LOLOLOL TROLL' batshit; its what the plot on how the story is taken place, like how Tendou would do with his own OC.
Speaking of OC, what happen to mine Soldier? I'm getting worried not getting a word from her! DX
Casino is a sinful place, going in that unholy place is also consider a sinful act, like Latios would have put it; its a place where sinful greedy humans who cannot control their lust of money. Kinda like a craze dictator, but I'll leave it at that as it has nothing to do with Pokemon.
Ah, found several typo mistake Soldier, if it is intensional or not, you better check it out. you might be able to spot it right away.
Bianca, Leon and Krakatoa moment of playing cards. Peaceful time! And bad memory sequence too! Why is Ash's Buizel wanted to goof off with Sceptile is beyond me... but hey, at least some one is having fun XD
I give this fic... 8/10? I dunno man, having Ash with a fiery attitude and blood feud rage is absolutely not his thing. Maybe Lord Archeus can defuse this trait once the series is over eh?
I wonder how many more AshXLatios readers would came in and give bad comment about this fic? I'm loving it just as it is! Its a pokemon fic people, where POKEMON FIGHT FOR OUR AMUSEMENTS! Wait... that's sounds so... wrong...
Gotta Write 'em ALL!
| Arsenal18 chapter 19 . 12/30/2011
Hi, it is me again found a quote that has this story written all over it. I got it from a Doctor Who episode and this is it "Demons run, when good men go to war" and I say that quote sums up the general idea of the story.
| Arsenal18 chapter 20 . 12/25/2011
This is a great unique story. I would like to see some more anime character time like misty, gary, dawn, iris, cilan, may, and max, but I guess they will be comeing sooner or later. One question are any of the above meghan characters going to get the hybred ablity too or is just going to be ash and leon? Great story and update soon please.
| fatescanner chapter 10 . 12/22/2011
Hey, Soldier! csigamer1990 here once again! :P
While I won't make any complaints as to the plot direction in this chapter, which I though was okay, I have to admit that a lot of the dialogue in this chapter was written in weird ways, although I guess that's because this was an early chapter, and you didn't have much experience then. Still, it's kind of amusing to see you use words like 'mines'. :P I don't even think 'mines' is a viable word to use in the situations you used it in, unless you're referring to land mines or something, which I highly doubt. XD
First Butch, and now Giovanni called Namba the right name? XD Do wonders never cease? :P
Wow, making a Spongebob reference there with the board's reactions to Dark Dragonite's slaughter. Guess you couldn't resist adding it, huh, Soldier? :P
Another thing I found myself scratching my head at is Zetta's casually referring to his subordinates with insulting monikers, i.e "Get your fat ass over here!" Calling to one of his aides..." or "... but if those two dipshits fail, I'll have to give it a chance." I don't know why, but I'd expect an evil leader of an organization (and as you've told me recently, considerably more than that) to use much more, eh, I guess 'refined' insults would be the word, if they deign to use them at all, as I would think their position would put them above using such crass remarks when referring to thier lessers, but that's just me.
Not much else to say here, apart from the obvious mention that Latios makes his first, albeit brief, appearance. Woot! :P Oh, and the way you closed off the chapter was also nice, and sweet, if you consider who's saying that to Ash. Awww... :3
Well, until next time, Soldier. Peace out!
| fatescanner chapter 9 . 12/20/2011
Whassup, SOTF? csigamer1990 here! :)
Severely bloodied Zoroark Over 9000 on the badassitude scale. :P
I'm kinda surprised you didn't have Zephyr or one of his Pokemon or even Agent 008 didn't call Butch the wrong name even once. A Butch appearance is not complete without him being called Bill, Botch, Buffy, etc. at least once! :P
Zephyr's battle with Cassidy and Hutch was cool, but maybe that because I love seeing Zoroark and my personal favorite Eevee-lution kick so much ass, especially since its Cassidy and Bill's asses in question. XD On another note, I wonder if we'll see Agent 008 again in the future?
Seems like Donald Zetta is a little more flawed in the head than initially thought. Looks like even totally corrupt evil overlords can be the victims of post-traumatic stress disorder. And just for the lulz, I find myself wondering why you chose Donald for his first name. :P Every time I think of that name, I'm always reminded of the Disney character, Donald Duck, for some reason. XD
The final flashback scene was sad and powerful, and it gave me some more insight as to why Erlade and Krakatoa desire to destroy the UAAF so much. Seeing a lifelong friend get torn apart in a hail of bullets... I can't even begin to imagine how that would've just completely shattered Krakatoa's mind, and thus turn him into ruthless killing machines bent of UAAF's total destruction.
Well, that's it for now. Until next time, Soldier! :)
| fatescanner chapter 8 . 12/18/2011
Hey, whassup, Soldier? csigamer1990 here with a review for chapter 8! :) Thought I'd forgotten that promise I made in my last review, didn't you? :P
Overall good chappy here, I liked the Contest moments to start off the chapter, and for some reason, I had a lol moment at the 'gentleman who kindly chose not to give his name' bit. What, does he have like a weird last name or something? And how can you 'kindly' chose not to give your name, for that matter? XD
Then the contest is interrupted by the UAAF in a Transformers-esque mecha. Hmm, why does this situation seem oddly familiar to me? :P
That entire battle was great, lots of explosions and gereral ass-kicking action, although it was kinda sad to see that poor Hitmonchan receive such a messy end, ugh.
The general ineptitude of the UAAF soldier was pretty funny to read as well, especially the insane burned one, lol. :P
Now for some fun:
*Garchomp is trying to break through the cockpit's plate-glass window.*
UAAF leader: Call to main base! Tell them to send some damn reinforcements!
*The plate glass window shatters, and Garchomp starts to climb in*
UAAF sergeant: Too late, here it comes, through the glass!
*The UAAF leader grabs his EMP shotgun and fires several rounds, blasting Garchomp out of the cockpit, causing the leader and sergeant to breathe sighs of relief*
Insane UAAF soldier: DOOOOOONNNNN'T!
UAAF leader and sergeant: O_o'
Lol, sorry. XD I just find that scene from Jurassic Park to be extremely funny for some reason, and when I read that scene in the chapter, I couldn't help but think how similar it sounded to that scene. :P
Wow, brutal revenge killing by Garchomp there... I like! :)
For some reason, this little bit here also reminded me of a movie scene:
Riley faced the man with an emotionless face. "I need your uniform, your boots, and all forms of ID and security passes you have on you."
It reminds me of that scene from Terminator 2 when Ahnuld is in that biker bar at the beginning of the movie completely naked and says to that surly biker, "I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle." I almost expected that UAAF soldier to reply to Riley by saying, "You forgot to say please." and blow smoke from his cigarette in Riley's face. Weird, huh? :P XD
Okay, I think that's enough senseless rambling from me for now. Hope you enjoyed it, Soldier. Til next time! :D
| Foresthunter chapter 7 . 12/13/2011
wtf, i want to read about Ash as the MAIN CHARACTER like you stated by picking Ash and Latias the the main characters. But you've only mentioned Ash like 2 times, the rest was all OCs and Bianca, i didn't come here to read about Bianca and OCs, next time pick different main characters because you obviously got them wrong.
| Time'sLonelyWanderer chapter 13 . 12/7/2011
It's a good story, but it's just not catching my interest. Personally I think there's too many OC's and very little Ash time, But other than that good story.
| Amerik chapter 20 . 12/6/2011
Quite an interesting chapter, and good job fleshing out the characters of zephyr and his team. The battle scene was engaging and sent me for a loop when Xander got quite literally beaten into the ground.
Did you get the "death in two steps" assassination technique from Bleach?
| MegaAuthor chapter 20 . 11/29/2011
Okay, I'm now gone through mental training and had accepted that Cynthia is a pokemon. Unless she is stuck in this form forever, I'm holding you responsible Soldier.
And I mean it! :(
So now we shift our view to Zephyr (dear god how to you even pronounce it?) by Tendou, and his merry two OP pokemon. I must admit, though the pass few chapter where even a full party of pokemon who is pure hearted were struggling to best the Corrupt pokemon, both of them did even better than (might I say) the Legendary Latios and Latias. With Dark Lucario and Dark Sceptile, both of these pokemon should be relatively overpower the Tendou pokemon at ease, and yet both of these OC pokemon haven't even shown their true potential strength? Good GOD! I hope Raine and Blade become fast friends... (Gulp)
It is also funny how Donald actually react to Umbreon sarcasm so fast. Forget Mewtwo, Dialga or Archeus; we need more of this funny insult to tick Donald so more! Very rarely will the main villain go balistic in any form of media (even the insane villain will politely says 'Its all according to plan' crap).
Its a shame how Agent 008 died... I thought she would be such a big impact for the story, but due to the lack of screen time and were nothing more but a villain lacky, its no wonder the task is being handed to Dawn and her Empoleon...
Wait a sec... since when did Dawn stupid Piplup evolve into Empoleon so fast? O.o Did she feed that stupid penguin pokemon with rare candy again?
I don't mind Dawn not appearing at all, I'm worried more of what would become of our beloved (and somewhat dimwit) Ash is going to be! XD
I give this Chapter 8.5/10 mark! Despite having a great battle which by far entertaining, having Donald look like a fool and had a solid conclusion on that Black Obelisk chapter, the OC pokemon and its OP attack level simply break all the pokemon universe rules, and Dawn darn pokemon evolve into Empoleon so fast to the final evolution baffle me right now. Is it just me, or is human now can understand pokemon speech lately? I knew playing pokemon game is hazardous to your health!
-Gotta Write 'em ALL!-
| Loquacious Sesquipedalian chapter 20 . 11/29/2011
I must admit that I've forgotten what happened with Zephyr and his pokemon in the last few chapters, but I'll go back and find out! I much prefer long chapters every month than small chapters every week.
However, I'm starting to wonder how the UAAF and Team Rocket will be able to stand up to these mighty heroes. Zetta must have something really powerful he's holding back! Or maybe Zetta isn't the real villain?
| Bekker chapter 20 . 11/29/2011
Verry good chapter indeed. Well done on the fighting part. Hope your update soon
| Kiwami no Sengoku chapter 20 . 11/27/2011
I guess this would make my 17th official review for this story. Kinda shows how much I invested in reading this fic, huh?
Hmm..., based on how Erlade acted towards Lieutenant Havoc, I pretty much dislike him now. Though Riley redeemed himself by agreeing to the Lieutenant's plea to let the latter's soldiers rest for a while, Erlade was being very insensitive and unreasonable. He should put his own sentiments aside and sympathize with Havoc but he just ended up acting like a spoiled brat. Just for the record, no amount of convincing will change my opinion about Erlade so should you send me a review reply, please omit any part that defends Erlade's actions.
Alright, my OCs finally make their short-lived reappearance. There nothing much to say about their characterizations. You described them perfectly except for Terios but I think I've added the necessary corrections to his dialogue and mannerisms to make me see the Umbreon in a more satisfying light. It's nice to see Zephyr act a bit more human - at least temporarily - when the Pichu made its debut. Just goes to show that he is capable of being sympathetic if he wants to.
The battle was good. A bit sad that Xander got defeated but I sort of expected that. Luckily, Terios was able to save the day by shedding his mask and displaying his true strength against the Dark Lucario. After seeing his partner effortlessly beat his natural rival, I wouldn't be surprised if Xander will suffer a crisis in confidence the next time my OCs appear.
Serves you right for underestimating my OCs, Donald Zetta. Trust me, they'll be giving you a lot more migraines in the near future. That's what you get for razing Zephyr's hometown to the ground.
Dawn, huh? Very unexpected. She was an okay character in my opinion. Misty will always be my favourite. On the bright side, looks like Gary will soon be making an appearance. Looking forward to it. Question, how did Dawn's Piplup evolved into an Empoleon so quickly? She hadn't even left for Hoenn.
As I've mentioned at the top of this chapter, I had a blast proof-reading this document. You could have done better with Terios but other than that, this chapter was fine.
I give Chapter 19 a 9/10. Good luck with the next chapter (Knowing you, you've already written it and it's now in the editing stage)