Reviews for The Epic Self Insert
LT Hawkin SpartanII 065 chapter 1 . 5/14
PestoMonkey chapter 1 . 11/20/2012
This was so much fun, and exactly what I think of as a "good" self-insert. In other words, poking fun at the concept rather than taking it seriously. Hereditary super sperm... heh. :)
Partsu chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
Silent Memento chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
Just as a note, I wrote the previous anonymous review. I didn't know that I wasn't logged in at the time, and I unfortunately couldn't correct the mistake. I apologize for the inconvenience on my part. I also wanted to let you know that this story is definitely going on my favorites list. Again, thank you for writing such a fantastic satire fic; it's really nice to know that there are authors out there that have the skill to do what you've done.


Guest chapter 1 . 7/3/2012
I love satires, particularly ones of this nature. To be quite honest, this is the first Mass Effect story I've ever read (I'm new to the whole series and purchased the first two games this year). There are more than a few grammatical issues that I caught, but I'll get to those later and start with the positives:

First off, I loved how your character immediately stated all of the faults in the plan that the Protheans had. He's extremely genre-savvy, but he's clearly not a Sue or Stu like all of the characters that the Protheans mentioned. I'd say that your character has more of a personality than most of the self-inserts and almost all of the original characters that you see around this site - and believe me, there are far too many of those to count. I particularly loved his elder brother attitude by helping his little sisters with their homework; it hit home with me because I'm the eldest child and had to do that with my siblings many times. It's a nice touch to make your character more human and believeable.

The Protheans had fantastic personalities as well and their lines are awesome. Overall, I loved the banter that they had with your character. For a short oneshot like this, you did a tremendous job in establishing their characters.

This story was absolutely hysterical. I found myself laughing at several lines, particularly Nashanta saying that he wanted Brendan Steele to impregnate Miranda because of some "hereditary super sperm". That, my good sir, was pure gold.

As for the grammatical aspects, I noticed that you struggled a fair bit with commas, apostrophes (when they should not have been used), and dialogue tags. There was also a point where you used asteriks to accent a word when I thought italics would have done the exact same thing.

For the apostrophes, you used them to separate the "s" from certain words (Reapers, Protheans, and Stealth Cloaks were the correct usage).

You have the right idea with the dialogue tags, but you ended up using commas instead of full stops (periods) to end a spoken sentence after the sentence was followed by an action and not speech (i.e., "'What are you talking about,' I was completely bewildered." should have a full stop instead of a comma during the speech part, since the sentence afterward is an action.) Those were the only problems I could find with the dialogue tags, though.

As for the commas, it was mostly failing to include them when a person was failing to directly address someone (i.e., "Hey Brendan" should have a comma between the two words and "Not a chance man" should have a comma between the words "chance" and "man" since "man" is being used to address someone.) The Prothean saying, "Man, that guy was an asshole" was correct, though.

Overall, though, I absolutely loved this story and the message that it sent. My critique is just there to help.


Patient131071 chapter 1 . 5/25/2012
Excellent. Sums up just about everything people do wrong with a self insert, and in a hilarious format. Good show.
xXserialkillerXx chapter 1 . 4/23/2012
"No doubt you'll adapt super fast just like the other humans. They all seem to be natural snipers, explosives experts or assassins."

Hahahahha. I rotfl at that. Yeah. Self Insert in a nutshell.
Archan9el S117 chapter 1 . 12/3/2011
Rotflmao... I'm laughing im crying, shaking, and coughing. That was fucking harious! another time Rotflmao.
edr chapter 1 . 12/1/2011
I have officially given up on Mass Effect Fan Fiction all it is is shitty self inserts now no one wants to do a story anymore just a fucking display of their character who they making a damn GOD they aren't even stories anymore God I hate ME fan fiction...This is funny though
dakk55 chapter 1 . 10/30/2011
Wait, Supersperm? Rofl
BoundKiller chapter 1 . 8/7/2011
Thank you you understand all the retarded self insert cliches that everyone follows and why the fuck does someone want to bang a chick you can't see why can't someone do it like Avatar or Inception(My idea) but still it's like everybody becomes instant badasses.

But was that ice throwing thing a refference to 23 cause I love that story
Rattler3 chapter 1 . 3/1/2011

Pure gold haha, it's what I'm silently thinking everytime I see self-inserts, or when I read any fic that seems to have a Shepard which is a 'self-insert'. Granted everyone brings a bit of themselves to their characters, and even moreso to the Shepard character. You have to. But there's some that are just so over the top I can't believe it.

Anyways, funny stuff man!
Fegli chapter 1 . 2/15/2011
hahahahha! fucking awesome, that's all I have to say. these self inserts are getting redonkulous.
Zanji of clan okami chapter 1 . 2/3/2011
Funny. i'm guessing you don't like self inserts well what you put in this really true there is only one SF i find that this irrevelnt and that was masses to masses were the author spent years before anything really started makes me want to write one like that with the only time to actually work up for it what do you think four to five before mass effect?
I have a jar of dirt chapter 1 . 2/3/2011
So true... So true...

Your parody made me laugh, but at the same time you show all the stereotypical traps SIs fall into. I mean, why does everyone romance Tali?

IMO, there are only two good SIs; Just Walk Through the Doors by Lordoxen and Team Milkyway. They are good because they are well written and take a more serious approach than "ololol i haz epic mary sue/gary stu and hax seks with poeopl". You should try reading them.
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