|Reviews for Under Your Spell|
| My little wicked chapter 1 . 2/26
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/21/2014
I honestly don't know wether this was a serious effort or not... I chalked up the beginning to be crappy generic writing, but then twilight?! You can't be serious. Them arguing over twilight abs has seriously got to be the worst thing I've read in a while. Please tell me this was a joke or a parody...
| degreenifyinggravity chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
Um... okay, then. Please, take the following words as constructive criticism, writer to writer.
I'll just start by saying - never, ever, ever use the word "sexy" if you want a story to be sexy. It's the paradox of such writing. While I may have been able to tolerate this minor flaw, your other adjectives did not work either (I refer you to the "Show, Don't Tell" and "Less is More" rules of writing) and made the story quite laughable.
The worst part of this: I have no idea who those people were. Perhaps, they were Edward and Bella, since that appeared to be your inspiration, but they were NOT Elphaba and Fiyero. I can't stand Twilight, but this would disturb me just as much if you brought in, say, Harry Potter, because that's simple not what this scene is about.
I hope you do not take my criticism to heart, but to mind. Beta readers can also be quite helpful if you're looking for someone to help you out.
Happy writing in the future! :)
| Schocker chapter 1 . 5/19/2012
I can't believe you compared the masterpiece that is Wicked, to Gaylight.
| Defying-Gravity-ForGood chapter 1 . 6/23/2011
Real username, FYI. FINALLY! SOMEONE ELSE WHO'S OBSSESSED WITH BOTH WICKED AND THE SACREDNESS THAT IS THE SAGA! Which team? Edward, Jacob, or Switzerland? EDWARD ALL THE WAY, BABY! I love Jake, he's awesome, Edward's just awesome-ER! And hawter and smexay-er and HAVE YOU HEARD ROBERT PATTNSON SING? He's going to onscreen in Part 2 of BD and I am going to EPLODE!...Excuse me for a moment please... *makes out w/ Edward poster*
| Let the Storm Rage On chapter 1 . 5/10/2011
Okay...Where do I begin...?
First of all...I have never read a troll story, but this could possibly be the real deal. Now, I understand about getting flame reviews and everything. After all, they suck. But...after writing that...Um, what did you expect?
Now, don't think I'm trying to be mean. I'm not! I really am not. I mean, I can tell you have a LOT of potential. You really do. You just need a bit of practice. Now, that was the GOOD critism. But I have to give you some bad so you can learn from a fanfic like this.
TWLIGHT? I'm sorry, hun. But I have to agree with the other reviewers. That's Gaylight, right there. And the fact that you mixed that with the beauty known as Wicked...I shuddered and almost screamed. Now...Fiyero is the 'Dancing Through Life', swankified prince. WHY would he be self councious? I mean, I understand the tiniest bit of self conciousness because he's making love to his soul mate, but Elphaba would be the one squirming and blushing! She's the one who was raised to hate her skin and body, thinking she was a devil child. She would be the one self concious. And Elphaba losing her virginity before Fiyero? I had to bite my lip to keep from chuckling. Shoot, Fiyero would probably have lost his virginity at the age of fourteen with him being such a player. And Elphaba, under no circumstances and not even if the sky was falling, would she lose her virginity to Avaric the man whore and then 'expirement' with GLINDA of all people.
No, no, no. Soooooo much potential. But such a bad way of trying to show it.
| chitoryu12 chapter 1 . 5/7/2011
This has to be a troll fic.
PLEASE tell me you're just trolling.
| MyFamousLastWords96 chapter 1 . 2/15/2011
Ooooooookaaaaaay..where to start...Well first of all, WAY too many adjectives. It's good to put in descriptive words here and there, but too many makes it seem like you're trying to sound intelligent. It doesn't work. Second, the story deteriorated towards the end when they got...down to it. It seemed very straightforward and rushed. And thirdly OH MY GOD YOU MADE A REFERANCE TO GAYLIGHT. You NEVER make referances to other things, ESPECIALLY when the referance definately doesn't belong with the dialougue. And me hating the Twilight series has nothing to do with my critisism.
All mean critisism out of the way, I think you could make EXCELLENT stories if you use a lot less description, think your endings over, and...yeah, no Gaylight, except if you're making story about it.
| darkgemwildcat chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
your... not... serious... right? i mean...well... i mean this with respect cuz i have gotten things flamed, and i know it feels bad and it takes a lot of bravery to post stuff here. but seriously i dont think you should mix twilight *Shivers in disgust* with the pure awesomeness of Wicked. so maybe next time you write for wicked dont reread the twilights at the same time. mixing fandomes at the same time is dangerous to the storys overall apereance. and should not be attemted. um also i seriously doubt fiyeros the virgin and Elphabas not... that disterbed me a bit. also fiyeros not realy one to be selfcontious. i feel that at times like this Elphaba would be the nervous one. here, to understand what im talking about read As Long As You're Mine by Merina 2 thats what it would be like. and im sorry but TWILIGHT? ARE YOU SERIOUS! please no, just no. sorry you have to hear this from me, i dont like being mean, but i agree with the others who reviewed this...
| ZeGabz chapter 1 . 2/3/2011
I'm sorry, but . . . are you trolling?
| Shockeaded Peter's Sister chapter 1 . 2/2/2011
I suspect a troll myself, but if this fic was intended to be serious, I think maybe you're quite young and your enthusiasm outweighs your writing talent... at the moment.
I feel a bit cheeky because I can't even upload fics of my own (this website doesn't like my computer for some reason) but here's what I'd suggest. For a start, they shouldn't both have such great voices. I get the feeling if Elphaba existed, she would be tone deaf but would belt out songs with no inhibitions until some kind person told her the truth. Too many adjectives used, and why bring "Twilight" into this, does Edward Cullen have to appear everywhere? I also found the "blown into a million bloody pieces" unnecessary... belongs more in a horror film than in "Wicked". We all have a good idea what the Gale Force would have done to Fiyero and Elphaba given half the chance, but hints at their possible fate are far more sinister than a full on description.
If you're genuine, keep practising and as the other reviewers have suggested, read some other fics to get the feel of how it can be done.
If you're a troll... go and waste time elsewhere, Muppet.
| Lickytsplit chapter 1 . 2/2/2011
...what...? This is fluff... This would never happen and the story was way to quick into everything! Honey... Honey this is a hot mess! I laughed so hard reading this like wtf
| Maybe-I-Should-Write-Something chapter 1 . 2/1/2011
I can't even lie. I laughed.
| An Avid Reader chapter 1 . 2/1/2011
All right. If this was a troll, than I appluad you. Because it was ridiculous.
But...if you were serious...oh, sweetie, sweetie...just...no. I'm so sorry to be nagative, but it was just too much. I would lessen your use of adjectives, stay away from songs fics and just make sure your cahracters are...well, in character. Fiyero and Elphaba would never act this way. Their relationship is built on small, subtl actions, not over-zealoud declarations of love.
Please don't take offense, but see this review for what it is: constructive criticism and hopefully a tool to improve your writing. I suggest reading some truely good Fiyraba and learning from it. Some of the best are authors like ThWitchsCat, Tiggy the hopeless romantic, HC247, The Sqintiest Squint, and deeplyshallow. They're been around forever and know how to write engaging and original stories. Also, chck inot a beta. They can be a hug help.
I really do wish you the best and am sure, with some practice, will be back with some quality fics for us.
| LittleGreenGirlxx chapter 1 . 2/1/2011
Wait, what? Please don't think I'm being rude, but I honestly cannot tell if this is a troll or if you're being serious.