|Reviews for White Day|
| Beacon515L chapter 1 . 2/5/2011
Wow! Please firstly pardon my saying so, but I harbour some not-so-favourable preconceptions with regards to slash fics, tangentially related to a slight scepticism directed at the genre of fanfiction in general. To say I was pleasantly surprised would be a gross understatement, so perhaps I will draw up my kudos (...kupos? X3) in the manner of my own writing - with lots of pretentious, wordy, mind-crushing exposition. Best get your waders on and try not to drown. XDD
Firstly, I commend your choice of characters for the pairing. The supposed sanctity of the canon pairing seems to be a subject only dealt with in sequel fics and avoided in all others; that you implicitly subvert it (and boy, how you subvert it) outside of that context is a brave move indeed, made only more brilliant by the fact that your treatment of this pairing makes it even more palatable than Marche 'stick-in-the-mud' Radiuju x Ritz 'will-beat-living-daylights-out-of-you-and-have-fun-doing-it-too' Malheur. On those grounds alone you deserve my heartiest commendations.
And then onto the subject matter. Your narrator's intimacy of her(?) relationship with Ritz is sublimely justified, and I have to admit I've never seen a parallel drawn of anything with the relationship of Mewt to Babus (if you are of the camp that asserts Babus was himself originally a teddybear, which I am). This associational brilliance, I think, lends itself to some glorious treatment down the track - if indeed you intend to revisit it - not least because basically no-one writes seriously about Ritz anymore, save in the context of our favourite blonde-haired accidental misanthrope - and then only deutagonsitically at best. Also, whereas Mewt's isolationism is a symptom of his complete mistrust of others and a reality constructed to perpetuate such a premise, Ritz's is mostly a choice - and that lends itself to some much more interesting exploration, particularly when one considers who she chooses to exempt from it (not to mention Mewt's feelings are mostly addressed by canon anyway).
I have, one, and only real one criticism (other than the occasional typo) and it's basically just me being an overly-researched smart-arse. You refer to Shara in the real world as having white hair, which means that, like Ritz, I can only assume she is an albino (unless she's bleached it her whole life long, or had radiotherapy, or some other 'reason'). You go on further to state that they 'met,' and not that they were in fact siblings (which would otherwise adequately explain their common albinism), which leads me to believe that they're both born to independent families (which rightly avoids incest). Now, albinism is a recessive trait - to be an albino, one's parents must both either both be albino themselves or carriers of the gene; one parent isn't enough, and sometimes it just doesn't happen even with both. (I know this because, in my fanfic, Ritz is the grandmother of the protagonists, and the only reason they ever know they're quarter-albino is because, unlike for humes, albinism is a dominant trait in moogles, requiring only fractional genetic material to manifest). For this reason, in human society, albinism is quite scarce outside of families. Now, my problem is that this basically implies that, against all probability, you have no less than four people who are all living in a small country town and are at least carriers of albinism, both couples of which have had children who have turned out themselves to have albinism and who have met. Of course, at this point I often evidence a need of reminding of the MST3K Mantra, so don't mind my ramblings too much. I say again, I'm just an overly-researched smart ass.
So there you have it. Go forth and write, m'boy! (Even though you're likely older than I am... X3) Go forth and make plentiforousnesses of wordinesses! XDD