|Reviews for Watching Over Harry|
| msremus119 chapter 33 . 7/24
The musicalis Phantom of the Opera and is one of the sweetest songs romantically. Please tell me Madame Zabini gets what she deserves for trying something so stupid with Bella around...
| Trahald of Uru chapter 7 . 7/20
"Nobel" was the inventor of dynamite who made prizes from his earnings.
"Noble" is "belonginging to high social or political class"
"Noble" and "Nobel" are not interchangeable.
| Guest chapter 9 . 7/2
I think you have too much childish romance in your story.
They love each other and are married... and Harry tries to hide his boner and is embarresed... despite being 15 (or 22?) years old.
Seriously, Harry should have banged her already, all this sissy love crap is disgusting. He was starved, beaten, betrayed, faced trolls, Voldemort, basilisks, dementors, death eaters, etc., he killed and saw death, but Bella insists to wait until he is 16? You have some serious problems...
| Talonwalker chapter 38 . 5/6
Great story, thanks, I really enjoyed it!
| Guest chapter 12 . 4/7
I really hoped you wouldnt use "Wizard Oaths". They're such huge plotholes. But anyway... No inheritance fics without 'em, amirite?
| crossfire922 chapter 6 . 4/7
How is this not a soul bound fic? It seems like that and much more :P
| wispshifter chapter 29 . 3/6
| ElementalMaster16 chapter 38 . 2/15
very cool fic! i've had a lot of fun reading! I do think there was a lot more that could've been done with the bond, it sortof fell into obscurity after awhile.
anyway, please keep writing even more awesome fics! (_)
| jackson chapter 8 . 2/11
great timing with expert detail. i'm loving all of the new connections between harry and bella
| Phoenix Paladin chapter 38 . 2/6
This has been an incredible story, and I've loved every moment I've spent reading it.
... Also, I just can't get the image out of my head of Bella loudly stating the last part of the sentence and Lily accidentally levitating herself and unable to drop back to the ground.
| SavageVal chapter 1 . 1/26
Bellatrix is at least eight years older than Sirius, so he can't possibly be older than her.
Regardless, I like this story already.
| English Major chapter 31 . 1/10
I am definitely enjoying your story and think, overall, you are doing a good job making your story unique. You have some truly excellent ideas and some plot twists that I really appreciated. However, your English skills need some severe attention. One cat: cat. More than one cat: cats (NOT cat's). One Potter: Potter. More than one Potter: Potters (NOT Potter's). There are NO apostrophes in pluralizations. This is Primary School English you need to review. Belonging to one Potter: Potter's. Belonging to more than one Potter: Potters' (or Potters's). The possessive requires an apostrophe.
Not only do you not know how to use an apostrophe, you can apparently not differentiate between homonyms: bear/bare, site/sight, there/their/they're, you're/your (consistently misused), since/sense, then/than, thrown/throne, a part/apart (theoretically opposites), and peace/piece are some you have confused already.
It would also be very beneficial to your writing to revisit the rules for using commas, as you seem to not understand their purpose. Try reading what you have written aloud. This will often help bring to light any inconsistencies.
Please do not take my constructive criticism as a slight on your storytelling. You have talent for bringing your own characterizations to an imaginative plot line and further grammatical editing can only improve your writing.
Thank you for your contribution to the world of Harry Potter Fan Fiction.
| ArunabhAryan chapter 38 . 12/19/2015
Amazing story. The beginning was a bit bleak but the enticing plot managed to cover it. Just love your Harry-Bella pairings. Waiting for a probable sequel. Although having no sequel provides the story a different charm.
| Squarekiddo chapter 26 . 12/16/2015
I think it was the Will reading that made me want to keep reading this so much even after I saw small things that I -Personally- dont like about stories, but now when the reading is over, all these small problems, are now main problems, and they keep building, I guess I simply do not like the story, to me its so much forced drama that frankly, I dont think make any sense most of the time, Im not saying your a bad writer, in fact I rather enjoyed the Evenshade story(cant remember the name of the top of my head)
but this story simply isnt in my likeing, it feels unplanned, like you simply wrote what you would find very interesting, with not that much regard of the sense it would make, hell the simply fact that Amilia bones didnt send a house elf to look after Nevilie and Susan boggles my mind, no way Pansy would be able to make that damage then, I find it hard to believe to be honest that Pansy had time to draw a knife, stab, and laugh and taunt Neville in front of Harry, before she could take a portkey, thats the kind of forced drama I dont like, the nonsensical ones.
Anyway, I wish you would restart writing the EveningShade story, enjoyed that one, bye!
| Squarekiddo chapter 25 . 12/16/2015
the way you do some things really makes them unintresting, Pansy the new Bellatrix in 15-ish days? its such an impossible thing that it just trhoews away my enjoyment of the character at all, to me shes just a plotboosted nonsensical rabid dog, you simply made her the new Bellatrix, like anyone, even Merlin if you want to go there, could learn to be the new Bellatrix in under a month of training, she was an average student at best at Hogwarts but under a simple month shes... This...
I hope you at least see my point, you do the same in many other things really, just not so extreme, like Bella and Harry, Hermione aswell as Luna.
I think you somehow forgot that its only been a month since chapter 1...