Reviews for His Butler, the Exorcist
SakuraKoi chapter 1 . 7/22/2014
lunabane chapter 16 . 5/25/2014
lunabane chapter 15 . 5/25/2014
Allen: I watched anime befor it was cool.\(Δ)/
Snipperita chapter 2 . 3/1/2014
I like it, but you have to write it like a story, not a role play or something
Example: the last paragraph, instead of, all the -this- and -o/o- that, write it out, like;
He smiled and answered Allen, "Ah, Earl Ciel Phantomhive. I serve the Young Master. Anywho, stay here for the night until the Young Master awakes the next morning." He then bowed and left.

There, see? Yea I'm not very good at writing either but you have to work on that. O.o"
FantasyLover100 chapter 12 . 12/14/2013
I'm sorry, but all the characters in this are way too OOC and I feel like Lenalee is just a Mary-sue now. The emoticons are weird, and you don't put too much detail. I think it'd be a good idea to use less dialogue and more detail. I also think that you shouldn't put emoticons and actions in the quotations. I'm sorry if you don't like constructive criticism, but I'm just trying to help you become a better writer so that you won't have to deal with as much criticism in the future.
PhantomhiveSebas chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
I gotta finish this!
GIR NYAN ALLEN CHAN chapter 6 . 1/22/2013
Im sorry but the plot is good and all but there are several errors with your story, examples:
Emotocons o.o O/o ect...
All diolog! Its a huuuuge turn-off when you dont have any real paragraps or descriptions whatsoever! A story is not just charicters talking, they need motivations!
The action usage. The whole -bows- thing is not nessisary! Write it like this: he bows.
Extreme out of charicterness. First off, Kanda doesnt stutter, or laugh, or get scared like a child in front of lenalee. Sebastion would never invite someone to the manor without Ciels consent. He wouldnt tickle someone either. Allen... he probably wouldnt let someone openly kiss him out of the blue (it could happen tho)
I just wanted to let you know these things for future reference. This is constructive critisism. I meen no harsh feelings twords you whatsoever.
Paxloria chapter 4 . 5/12/2012
This seems more a drabble then a story.

There are too many emotes, for examole:




It'd be better to use words to descibe expresions.
Paxloria chapter 3 . 5/12/2012
Sebastian is acting like a good and benifficent welcoming person. Its strange.

Why would he want to go on a date with some random girl?

Why would he invite Allen to stay over?

Why would Ciel allow any of this?
Paxloria chapter 2 . 5/1/2012
Stop emoting. Delete them all!

Example: o.o O/O :D-

Write out whats going on.

Example: They shared a glance, He smiled mischiviously and said, The complaints of the man-handeled cat was ignored as the demon admired it, She exclaimed breathlessly, ect.

DESCRIBE peoples expreasions, actions, and feelings.
Mukuro234 chapter 30 . 4/24/2012
That was so good is there going to be more
SaraMatta chapter 30 . 3/25/2012
Neko Allen Walker chapter 1 . 8/10/2011
First chapter and i am already laughing
SaraMatta chapter 17 . 8/6/2011
okay..emh.. this is an interesting story idea, and i really like DGM and Kuro, but there is TOO MUCH dialogue!And there isn't description of the places or emotions, just.. dialouge... . and after a while it become difficult and tedious to continue reading.. sorry but i think you should do what Hotaru Gunso and Agon Dy have written in their review, because that are constructive criticism, and it's helpful for improving your writing style :)
Agon Dy chapter 4 . 7/22/2011
This is an interesting story idea, and I am saddened that I can not read further. I suggest finding a beta to help turn your use of emoticons into words because they get very distracting to see them every sentence in a conversation. It would also help if you add direction of motion and descriptions of scenes. Your readers cannot read your mind and it is difficult for us to see it as you do. If this story does undergo revisions, please pm me, because I really do want to see where it goes.
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