|Reviews for Black, White Grey|
| MoonlightPoet chapter 1 . 2/7/2011
Hi! I hope you don't mind me reviewing. :) First off, I would like to say this certainly did not suck- the concept is fantastic and the writing was very good. You varied your sentence structure and I appreciated your use of proper grammar. :D I had never really thought of a James/Lily/Alice love triangle before, and the story left me wanting to know more. However, if it's quite alright, I'd like to point out a few constructive criticisms: first, pleeeease never begin a story with "sorry if this sucks." It immediately makes me wonder if I should bother reading if it's going to suck, you know? :D I see that you've written quite a few stories so have confidence!
Second, this is just my opinion, but I think it might have flowed a little better had it had all been in past tense, instead of off/on present. For example, it starts off: "James groaned, suddenly fighting the urge to all but slam his head into a wall." (past tense) And then jumped to: "He remembers the way that his parents used to sit him down.." (present tense) If it was "He remembered the way..." it would have a better flow, I think, but just my opinion!
But overall, nice story! :)