|Reviews for Kamen Rider Fool|
| Doom Marine 54 chapter 2 . 7/29/2014
Also like every other mindless Yukari basher you seem to forget that one she did not point the gun at Minato as that would be stupid since that's not how the evoker works. Two some creepy blue haired kid (you) shiws up in the middle of the night during the dark hour yeah i'm gonna side with Yukari on being reasonably freaked out especially since the Dark Hour fucks with peoples head. Minato is basically just your author insertion gary-stu at this point and is so one note and boring I hope you die.
| Doom Marine 54 chapter 1 . 8/5/2013
Did you honestly think making a snarky douchebag the protagonist of your story would make it likable? This is why I hate House M.D.
| Generalhyna chapter 1 . 11/26/2012
Why is it I am getting that Minanto is a hot headed Habrano?
| Zeromaru Chaos Mode chapter 6 . 3/27/2012
awww...it sucks to hear you hate Decade. it's my first Kamen Rider show and i think it's pure awesome.
Honestly i'm not really watching fully for the story, but for fights and hilarity and epic glowy explosions.
Plus ever since reading the TVTropes page on it, i just view it like Kingdom Hearts: same worlds, similar stories, echoing characters, but ultimately a very slightly altered reality from the norm.
Plus, Tsukasa's so hammy it's almost impossible to take him seriously. i loves it.
It helps i'm a sucker for "guy can borrow other people's powers and wield them for his own" most of the time.
Except the sharingan. that thing is beyond overpowered.
| Zeromaru Chaos Mode chapter 3 . 3/27/2012
"Hee ho motherfucker"
I've only recently started watching Kamen Rider. My start is Decade. I loves it.
so you making this story, is actually friggin perfectly timed. i can only hope you update again soon.
| taichidecade chapter 6 . 12/31/2011
one of the best crossover stories i ever read.
| Katsugi chapter 6 . 9/6/2011
I just powered through your story. And I have to say it's rather interesting. I enjoy the ways you are separating from canon and that you aren't copy pasting the original P3 story and replacing certain features with just Kamen Rider. I didn't read slowly enough to pick anything else up besides a few of the jokes and the general summery of the story, but thank you for the source of entertainment.
| ChaosRune chapter 6 . 8/3/2011
Mmmm nice fic, I just finished it, and its great, the action is great, as is the social links. My only question is for how long Minato is going to continue doing what Mitsuru tells (read: order like a bitch) him to do, there should be a limit how much the Motorcycle excuse can work, its getting past the point or reasonable to absurd
| Black Rabbity Babbit chapter 6 . 8/2/2011
So, I just found this today while I was bored and I gotta say it took care of my boredom. I really like the thought of putting Persona and Kamen Rider together, think you're a genius XD. Can't wait for the next chapter.
| Absolute Destinyzero chapter 6 . 7/14/2011
-Theme for W and Raidou Kuzunoha plays- DETECTIVE!
Minato the Detective!
Poor Minato... accuse of beer.
Wait, All Out attack do that... And a mystery is solved...
...Why does Takaya Kamen form somehow reminds me of Loki ?
And what's Minato new weapon...?
| Cool Haruhiism-follower chapter 6 . 7/10/2011
this fic is really cool! seriously! it's like my blood is boiling just from reading the fighting scene! and minato's cool,too, sorta like kabuto, a strong jerk. btw, can you consider giving minato pairing or something? romance can be a good spice in this action fic.
| Sekiryutei Issei Hyoudou chapter 6 . 7/10/2011
Damn man this chapter was pretty funny and I can't wait for the next chapter.
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 6 . 7/9/2011
OH GOD I FEEL SHAMED, I FORGOT THE ARCANA OF FUUKA. I'M GONNA PUNISH MYSELF BY DOWNLOADING AND PLAYING AN HOUR OF BARBIE HORSE ADVENTURE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT TO BE FUNNY I MEAN IT. BUT ANYWAY NICE, ALL AROUND NICE, THOUGH MINATO SEEMS TO BE MISSING THE POINT OF THE SOCIAL LINKS, HE SEEMS MORE LIKE HE'S FAKING THE FRIENDSHIPS. I DON'T KNOW IF THEY WORK LIKE THAT, DO THEY? I MEAN I WOULD THINK THAT THAT KIND OF POWER WOULDN'T BE AS SIMPLE AS SAYING 'I love ya man'. THOUGH HE'S STILL IN THE EARLY STAGES I GUESS. SO WHO IS MITSURU TALKING TO ANYWAY? YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
| Cam S1 chapter 3 . 5/19/2011
Chapter 3 - (Czernobog here again.)
Not very far in, but the writing in this one feels a bit stronger, so my review might be a little short.
I see you're testing the fourth wall a bit. This can be a good thing, especially with the way you're using Kamen Rider.
Your characterization is also improving; oftentimes, fanfiction seems to treat the main character as special, but I like the fact that you're having the other characters call Minato out on his attitude - a good extension of the reversal bit in the previous chapter.
I'd encourage you to start new paragraphs when you go into dialogue. It makes it a bit easier to tell who is speaking at what point in time. It also means you don't need to you dialogue tags quite as much ("W said," "X asked," "Y shouted," "Z grumbled" and the like,) especially if you've developed an individual voice for each character - something that taking dialogue just from the game will help with.
Your phrasing is a bit wonky during one of the Magician S-link sequences, might be a good idea to check the line "but if I never want to go into crazy gun woman's room" as it looks like the "if" is out of place.
While I think I understand what you're doing, be careful about using mitigating words like "somewhat." They tend to be empty words - either they're completely unnecessary or, more likely, you can come up with a better way to phrase it.
Not that much for this chapter, but it looks like you're figuring out most of the stuff I'd tell you about on your own. Your writing seems to have tightened up quite a bit in just three chapters, so I look forward to more.
| Cam S1 chapter 2 . 5/19/2011
There's some odd things your doing with line spacing here - breaking up lines of dialogue into multiple lines. It seems like those are intended to indicate a longer pause, but I'm not sure they're really necessary. I think the ellipses do the job just fine, personally.
Looking at the hospital scene, I'd encourage a bit more focus on sensory detail. You mention the smell of hospitals, which is always an interesting one to describe (Which always seems to me to be a sort of absolute absence of smell, the olfactory equivalent of dead air on the radio.)
Your characterization of Minato is good, and seems to, at points, feel more realistic than other portrayals of him that I've seen. Sort of simultaneously a little lost and a little snarky; it feels natural, so good job.
I'd encourage you to make your language a bit more consistent in the narration. Your use of contractions is a little uneven.
The existence of Kamen Rider actually within the setting is a nice touch; it adds an interesting layer to the story. You could do a lot with that aspect - might be a good idea to address it in at least a cursory fashion. Otherwise, it might feel like a dangling thread.
There are a lot of terms bracketed by quotation marks in p3. When reproducing them within quotes, it might be a good idea to use single quotes (same key as the apostrophe: ') to set them aside. It's a minor thing, so nothing to get all bent out of shape over.
It might be a good idea to vary your language a bit. Repetition can make writing strong, but it can also make things stagnant. In Ch. 2, there are two lines with three instances of the word "competent." Getting some carefully chosen synonyms through your word processor or a thesaurus might help out.
"That makes even LESS sense" is a great line, though some description of the impossible architecture might also be a good fit at some point. Of course, it seems like you're going for a lighter tone in this than the actual game, so it fits.
"Decidedly not normal" instead of "decided not normal." I assume it's a typo, but I thoght I'd call your attention to it.
Okay, action sequences. These are tough to do properly. My approach is to use a lot of short, choppy paragraphs, with fairly rapid changes in focus. You seem to have gone with long paragraphs that stick to one character through the whole of it. While I'm not about to say this isn't a good way to do it (haven't really tried that experiment) it may be a good thing to experiment on. The important part is that writing the action sequences doesn't FEEL like drudgery, as that will seep into your writing. If longer paragraphs work for you, then go for it.
As with all feedback, these are just suggestions, always go with your own judgment. Will look at chapter 3 later on this evening if I don't get roped into anything tonight.