Reviews for Another Deep Intake
Ganheim chapter 1 . 2/3/2012
But what for want that a battlefield required more of a skill then just that one

[Slightly awkward sentence construction]

I take a deep intake

[Repetition of ‘take]

My mind wonders

[wonders, which would be repetitious, or wanders?]

What's the difference

[Interrogative missing its question mark]

I clinch my teeth


strange patter as


Interesting, I just wish that we had more to build backdrop and characterization. An author’s note saying ‘hey, that character from that cinematic’ does place the who and usually where, but it’s nice to be able to sink in and be able to pick things up even without an explicit detail like that – sometimes it feels like cheating, and writing with those extra details is more inclusive: it draws in more prospective audience.