Reviews for Le Roi du Temps
moi chapter 1 . 2/26/2013
as I have set myself a policy of only reading finished stories I was very glad to read that you have the whole thing complete. However, it hasn't been updated in month and I wonder what is up with that. The story is great and it would be a shame not to be able to read it.

Danni34 chapter 9 . 2/20/2012
Yay! Another chapter! :D This one is awesome, by the way! I especially liked the end, with Benvolio's interaction with the Poet (although the moment between Juliette and Romeo was adorable, in a bittersweet way). Can't wait for the next one! :)
Sarastro the Queen o the Night chapter 8 . 1/15/2012
He didn't DIE did he? Oh snap, he did! You just killed my favorite character if you did. I thought Romeo only killed in response to Mercutio's death. But this is getting so exciting!

I can't wait for more!
CtrlAltDelicious chapter 7 . 1/5/2012
I am not a patient one and I had practically given up on you ever updating again, but then when I least expected it, an update! I was thrilled to read and only dissappointed by the ending. The fact that it ended was sadenning. Please continue! This seems to be the only decent Romeo and Juliet based story out there.

I had never heard of this play before but now I am dying to see it however seeing as I'm in the US and it doesn't seem to playing anywhere around here, I am out of luck.

Please update soon!
Sarastro the Queen o the Night chapter 7 . 12/26/2011
I'm really loving this story to bits! and I'm excited for more!

And I really hope that this review is very Juliette-like for your Romeo-like inner self.
zedille chapter 7 . 12/26/2011
I don't ship Benvolio/Muette (horrifying, I know!) but this story is still a delight to read. You've done an amazing job adapting and expanding the rather limited world of the musical. Although this is in a different language and different medium (narration, not musical), they're still the same characters.

I particularly liked Mercutio's references to mythology at the beginning of the chapter - adding substance to his flightiness! - and the middle scene was a nicely executed adaptation of the "Les Beaux, Les Laids" sequence. It's very easy to believe that this is what was really happening, behind all the singing and dancing. The Nurse's reaction to Romeo's declaration was heartwarming and perfect. And the ending was appropriately ominous! I'm eager to see what will happen in the next chapter, especially given your comments...

And a small correction: signore, as used by Mercutio, is not spelled with an H as you have it (signhore). It was very clever of you to include that - it's a subtle touch adding to atmosphere and reminding us that Verona is in fact in Italy.
Danni34 chapter 7 . 12/25/2011
Yay, an update! :D Gah, I love Mercutio and his singing at the beginning of the chapter! That man... Oh, and that moment between Benvolio and La Muette? LOVE IT! Of course, you would know, seeing as they are basically my ultimate OTP. Anyway, love this chapter, and I seriously can't wait for more! XD
Sarastro the Queen o the Night chapter 1 . 12/11/2011

Sorry...I just got happy. REALLY happy. They are becoming one of my favorite pairings...I have to start making a list!
Danni34 chapter 6 . 10/9/2011
That ending... Gah, that was beyond cute! XD Of course, Benvolio/La Muette are my OTP, so that is to be expected. :D Anyway, awesome chapter, as usual! I really loved that little bit between Tybalt and Mercutio, and how you protrayed Tybalt in the chapter. Can't wait for more!
ForgottenReveries chapter 5 . 6/9/2011
Hehehe, awesome chappie. X3 I liked it and am reeeaaaalllly curious as to how you are going to make a happy ending. Ah, well, good Benvolio! He's gonna need it. / w /
Danni34 chapter 5 . 6/9/2011
Yay! You updated! Well, what can I say about this that I haven't already told you? I love your writting style, and how you write Benvolio. I seriously cannot wait for more! :D
zedille chapter 4 . 6/1/2011
Yay, a new chapter! :D

And I see that you broke off from canon pretty radically and immediately. You have no idea how confused I was when I opened up the page and saw the words "Paris" and "hanging" in the first few paragraphs - I thought he'd committed a crime that he got hung for!

As la Mort put it: loved the contrast of R&J meeting each other and falling in love under Paris' dead body. I liked how Death went on with the original storyline, and how she twisted it to make the difference drive the return to the original storyline. And I really liked the way you described the two of them meeting each other - you drew me into the scene and made me feel for them 3 Benvolio-Mercutio-Romeo interaction is great too. Though is the line "A blonde, almost platinum-haired man... paler than milk" a reference to Benvolio?

Also, I caught the Notre-Dame reference! Though I can't quite see Roméo really quoting or channeling Phœbus at all, Damien Sargue or not. (I thought the whole hanging thing was the reference at first. Whoops.)

"l'au de là" should be written "l'au delà", I believe.

And some of your tenses get a bit muddled up, I think. "Benvolio ignored him, feeling the small bubble of hope and determination building up with him. Yes, it will work. It must work." The "Yes, it will work" should be "Yes, it would work" because "would" is the "future of the past," as it were.

And in Death's section at the end, her second paragraph is written in the simple past. I suggest that you change it to perfect tense/present tense, so it reads "The death of the count has proven simple enough, for of course La Mort does not lack, ah, attractions. All it had needed was the burning passion underneath his fine cloak to turn towards the underworld; the skeletons in his closet serve to further his case. In the end the attraction he had towards the Capulets dissolves. And in the scene of his mortal sin – there blooms love in perfect juxtaposition. Ha! Perfect." If you do it, the return to the simple future (it will take...) in the next paragraph will seem less jarring :)

sorry if I came off as a bit lectury towards the end there.
Danni34 chapter 4 . 5/30/2011
Yay! The next chapter is up! :D And they've meant! That's... pretty bad, isn't it? But then there would be no story otherwise! :P

Wonderful chapter, can't wait for the next one! :)
zedille chapter 2 . 4/24/2011
I've seen this plot (after everything's over, character gets sent back to try and change things done before) in different fics in different fandoms, but this is the first time I've ever been convinced by *how* the character gets sent back in time.

I liked how you broke down the Romeo-and-Juliet love story thematically and portrayed it as the collaboration of Death and her kin (it was particularly clever of you to come up with them!). You did a good job of showing how all these forces came together to produce this tragedy/work of art, and Death's passion was creepy but made sense.

I have only one doubt about the premise. I find it hard to believe that it took 17 years for Benvolio to wish that he could have changed things? Wouldn't he have been thinking like that immediately after he found out everything ended? 17-years-later Benvolio is older and wiser, and I like how you're contrasting his maturity with everyone else's youth, but to me, it just doesn't make sense.

Beyond that: I believe sort, fate, is masculine in French. And to nitpick, why do you refer to Time as simply "Temps" in the narration but always keep the article in "La Mort"? It seems inconsistent (and keeping the article is a little awkward anyway since we wouldn't really talk about "The Death" like in French, but that's a different point entirely and it's really your choice.)


I love your Benvolio! Given your dialogue, you're working mostly with Grégori Baquet's Benvolio, right? You've written him perfectly, both the "bouncy" (great word choice there!) early Benvolio and the grown-up Benvolio, who fits nicely with the snippets of sad, older-Benvolio we see at the end.

And you did a really good job just fleshing out these characters. I love your Mercutio (nice dialogue, neither too formal nor too modern) and I love your portrayal of all the background characters/dancers (if you caught all those names from listening to the dialogue, I applaud you!) Everything fits the mood of the musical even though it's in a different medium and a different language.

One more thing: "The door suddenly was thrown open with all the force of a bullet blast" - I'm not sure this is the best comparison for Benvolio to make. How would he be familiar with a bullet?

Anyway, I see that there's a new chapter up (it took me a really long time to write this review, let me say) so I will go read and review that now! I'm sorry this review rambled so much, I think it's the longest one I've ever written, certainly. I can't wait to see where you're taking this story - hopefully Benvolio will stop everyone dying, but how?
ForgottenReveries chapter 3 . 4/24/2011
I'm super happy you updated with a great chapter, but was there supposed to be a repeat of the day?
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