|Reviews for A Better Union|
| vampitup1317 chapter 14 . 4/13/2012
here's a suggestion say they docked then blew the airlock. i thought it was a space/zero G battle. just a thought
| vampitup1317 chapter 13 . 4/13/2012
"Oh come on! Combat is the best time to talk, your just doing it wrong."
Garrus i couldn't agree with you more :D
this is turning out really good keep it up
| Psudocode Samurai chapter 13 . 4/2/2012
Gotta love Garrus. One of the best damned characters in gaming I think _
| NucaCola chapter 12 . 3/20/2012
Great chapter and nice quick update as well.
| vampitup1317 chapter 10 . 2/19/2012
i like where this is going :) keep them coming. as for ideas and what not, what are you looking for? action, romance, drama, tragedy?
| vampitup1317 chapter 8 . 2/12/2012
there is only one complaint i have...the chapters are way too short in my opinion. but that aside you have a good story line going for ya, i can't wait for the next chapter. other than a few typos and whatnot it seems pretty solid to me :)
| Angel of Eternity chapter 6 . 6/2/2011
Cute story you got here. Id love to see more sweet moments between Tali and Shepard. That always brings a smile to my face.
Keep up the good work.
| A-01 chapter 6 . 5/24/2011
I enjoy the idea of this story, though it hasn't included the events of "the arrival" and the trial that is meant to follow on earth.
I would suggest that you edit each chapter before posting, each chapter is in need of a full work over, punctuation, grammar and spelling need work, but besides that its a nice read.
| Prince of Madness 54 chapter 2 . 2/14/2011
Well you have a very good base for a good story but a few things you may want to do
Slow down, your rushing a lot, take time to describe the scenery, facial expressions, etc, it will make the chapters longer and make it more enjoyable for the readers, this chapter was kind of choppy,
Add emotion to your characters, when Mirada mentioned her sister you should have made her more concerned instead of her just stating it like it was no big thing
Even if it takes twice as long to write, the number of people reading and reviewing should rise because of it
I want to make it clear I'm not trying to flame you, just being critical to help a story with a lot of potential
| tim94 chapter 2 . 2/14/2011
be careful writing about cerberus, it might blow up in your face. i never wrote a story on here, but i would sudgest things like thoughts, facial expression, and body launguage to start. the author writes down all these details to form a movie like scene in the readers head. it may be hard to start, but as you learn to use them, you will have alot of ways to get creative. read mass vexations one and two, thats my definition of creative
just my two cents
| Inverness chapter 1 . 2/14/2011
Interesting story, you certainly can't have too much Shepard and Tali.
One thing I want to warn you about is writing about Cerberus. Simply put, there is no good reason for the Illusive Man to try to take revenge on Shepard no matter what he does with the collector base or the Normandy. Cerberus's goal is stopping the reapers, which is exactly what Shepard is doing whether or not he is working with Cerberus. Having the Illusive Man attempt revenge against Shepard is simply bad writing and will not make for a quality story. I urge you not to go along that amateur anti-Cerberus plot like so many others.
| The Eezoman chapter 1 . 2/13/2011
Pretty ok. I would work on your grammar, and look at more stories that focus on correct usage of words. Other than that, it's pretty good. It's nice to see a fellow anti-Cerberus writer.