|Reviews for The End of the Line: A Grey Story|
| stareagle chapter 18 . 4/29/2011
I was hoping you would have the confrontation with Ryan included before the end. I am glad they have their happy ending, but I see some loose ends you could tie up in an epilog. Thanks for a great ride.
| stareagle chapter 17 . 4/29/2011
I really ache with the memory of contractions and I had an epi after the first 2 days of labor! Poor Sara!
In a way I can see Ryan's point in holding the letter from Charlie. It certainly would have made his mission even more difficult than it was. But Ryan is still a creep and I wonder what that confrontation will be like.
I would also like to think that Jonas and Molly will reunite. That was one relationship that I thought was strong. You are full of surprises!
Thanks for the chapter.
| Punishment Central chapter 18 . 4/28/2011
The last two chapters were stellar and a very fitting closure to this epic nestled between the lives of Blue and Sara. And while it has ended completely, the writer has definitely hinted at a possible serial continuation if so desired.
In short, the best damn Unit story ever. This would have been a better finale then how the show actually ended. I hope you seriously consider doing a "season five" so we can keep the journey going. But like all things in art, that will come if and when the inspiration cometh.
Thank you for a great tale!
| stareagle chapter 16 . 4/26/2011
A great chapter. Poor Charlie and Sara. I think it is time to let their luck change in the relationship dept. The wedding can be annulled. It obviously won't be consummated!
Of course the guys will figure a way to deactivate the bomb. Sara will deliver a healthy baby (boy?) and I hope Col Ryan and Charlotte get exposed for the conniving bastard and bitch each really is. I am sure you can wrap it up with more elegance than I!
| Punishment Central chapter 16 . 4/26/2011
Insightful chapter beginning with Molly and Charlie's little chitchat of mutually profound thoughts. Interestingly enough they seemed to have turned the tables on each other.
The remainder sequence was a very exciting and edge-of-the-seat sort of experience. Jung-Su is like a bad penny, etc. If memory serves, where the tension escalates is essentially the end of the canon show. So the writer is now heading into uncharted waters. That should help from the creative aspect sense because the writer can now fully take the story in whatever direction desired without having to worry about strict canon stuff. In essence, the writer can create personal canon, or fanon, to ultimately explore and see how this diabolical plot will end. I still think Joss and Carson are too mysterious for their own good, and wouldn't be surprised if Charlotte's with them and/or Jung-Su - a total dirt bag - too. They were like that during the show's run also. Well, now we wait and see what happens next. The end line was humorous too: they do indeed. The use of cool sounding words like "debutante" adds to the prose's witty flavor as well. That's all for now.
| GOYA1281 chapter 16 . 4/24/2011
OMG...I just read both of these stories and I just love them. I can't wait to read what happens next. Keep up the good work.
| Punishment Central chapter 15 . 4/24/2011
Revisiting Hector's grave was hard but fitting. The private moment between Hector and Charlie was moving.
As for Molly's instincts about what might be going on "behind the scenes", I think she's dead to rights on that one. Charlie and Sara add up; Joss and Charlie do not.
And with Sara there's more than one person at stake now. The first pregnancy's fate was tragic enough, but this could take the cake. I hope Charlie and Sara prevail over what seems to be happening to them from the shadows.
| Punishment Central chapter 14 . 4/17/2011
Loved this chapter. The plot thickens and conspiracy is well afoot now. I really liked how this entire saga is what takes place "off-screen" from that of the show. As we were watching the show, this was what was going on behind the scenes at the same time, not only with Sara and Blue but everything else.
Very nice twist regarding the colonel with Charlie about Joss. I think we are starting to receive the impression, as hinted in previous chapters that Joss may not be what she seems to be. We won't know for sure until it's proven either way. Then there's Charlotte. She does always speak in riddles and can't stand "not being in the know" regarding everyone's lives. She's a power broker and I can't help but think she has a larger hand in this than what we've seen.
Update soon please and thank you!
| Punishment Central chapter 13 . 4/10/2011
A very powerful chapter that sets up the drama and the relationship to the next level. The tension is high as are the stakes. Ryan has also inserted himself into the situation and that could spell trouble, given his checkered past with the Unit already. I think he will tread lightly; only doing what he has to do. He doesn't want to tick off Charlie in addition to Mack. There's also that intel on Joss from Bridget. A lot of things are happening and can still happen so we'll need to wait and see where this goes.
| stareagle chapter 13 . 4/9/2011
I am furious with Colonel Ryan's burning of both letters. That is unconscionable. He could have held Sara's letter for a much later time to deliver to Charlie. By destroying her letter, he has broken trust with his men; it is a profound betrayal.
I don't think the Ryan I imagined would do that. I do think he would have held that letter for a long time until the day that the mission was complete. Missions do end. Charlie, if he survives had a right to that info.
I hope that you do not plan to have Sullivan reveal that info to Charlie. I think that this action would destroy the Unit. I hope you will rethink this direction of the story. If your CO betrays you on such a fundamental level, how can the Unit trust his orders? And if the Unit went to such trouble to protect the families of the other soldiers in it, why should he not extend that courtesy to Charlie? This plot point is illogical unless you are setting Col Ryan up to be unfit for command. Sullivan has seen his action that already has her questioning her own future, a first step in undermining the authority and respect for her commander.
I think the best way to prevent this is to have Ryan have second thoughts about what he did. He has to let Charlie know he has a child at some time in the future. Perhaps he can write a letter to be delivered to Charlie after the mission is complete, confessing what he did to the letter and revealing that she was pregnant when she came to the base.
Ryan can be a bastard, but he had to work hard to regain the trust and loyalty of his men after the affair with Tiff. He just wouldn't jeopardize that by keeping Charlie apart from his child.
I will be looking forward to how you are going to resolve this situation.
| stareagle chapter 12 . 4/2/2011
This story is so good... I wish this chapter had gone a little longer - I am not a big fan of cliffies! I used all my patience up at work today!
I am glad Sara went looking for Charlie and that Charlie left a letter. I hope he told her he loved her. And I hope Col Ryan has enough sense to bring them together.
Thank you for the update
| Punishment Central chapter 12 . 4/2/2011
The show events are familiar to us, the fans, but are new to Sara as we see them again through her eyes and experience.
Blue and Sara seem to remain in this "in-between" stage, a sort of relationship limbo as fate keeps putting obstacles in their way. Yet we know they care for each other.
Why Blue finished the house remains to be seen however.
| stareagle chapter 11 . 4/1/2011
Another great chapter. So glad that Sara and Charlie finally reconnected - I loved the direct way she spoke to him describing her need. I could understand her reluctance to speak about relationship, that part is heartbreaking, and I hope they will move past the hurt and reconnect.
Time for Molly to corner Charlie and give him the dressing down he deserves for screwing around with Anne.
| Punishment Central chapter 11 . 3/30/2011
Didn't Hector say a long time ago that Charlie was a fool if he didn't try to make something lasting happen with Sara? Charlie needs to hang up the gun for good and leave with Sara and live happily ever after. She has to keep saying "hi" and "bye" and that's not fair to either of them. He's doing his job sure and made sacrifices, but so has she. "Sometimes you need to have your faith rewarded." That's from Dark Knight I think. And for taking that risk, in the words of Theoden King: "Forth, and fear no darkness!"
| Punishment Central chapter 10 . 3/30/2011
This reminds me of what Redcap told the wives about living a cover: that only the cover is true, though in a different sense as he knows who she is. In this too we see Sara doing what she must, but not needing to like it. She also makes that observation of Jung-Su revealing a truth of what might really be going on.