|Reviews for A Valentines Dinner|
| mindmaster123 chapter 1 . 1/23/2012
the end was totally predictable, but this don't make it less fun
| TheFigureInTheCorner chapter 1 . 9/19/2011
aw, poor Ulqui-chan... I'd feel sorry for anyone who had to eat Orihime's cooking XD but especially if they were one of my favorite characters- Byakkun, Ulqui, Shiro-chan, Yumichika (cuz he's funny XD), Uryu, Ichigo (weren't they forced to in one of the Omake?), Kon (though he'd probably happily eat it just because it's Orihime's cooking...), Grimmjow- I have more favorites, but I tink you get the idea... But Gin too . anyway... But I really liked the story. As a T-shirt I really want states: 'it was EPIC and I LOLed.'
| the ultimadum chapter 1 . 6/30/2011
Roflmao. Poor, poor guy. I think sombody really needs to get orihime a sense of taste!
| Solaris-Whitefish chapter 1 . 3/26/2011
WOW THIS IS SOOO KAWAII!
| CU Administration chapter 1 . 2/20/2011
I must admit that you definitely have Ulqiorra in character in my opinion. I think his speech fits his character and with AU stories, he's usually really out of character.
I will say that I found it a little strange that he seems so human. Ironing his clothes, talking on a cell phone, working a DVR. It just seems really Americanized. If there were a bit more confusion on how things worked, I could fall into it better.
Another issue is the repetitiveness of words. Try using the same meaning but a different word. A good example of what I'm talking about is how Ulquiorra sat his book down, then sat the iron or untangled the plugging cord and plugged it up.
You're doing this with speech:
"Ah, that's nice." Rangiku said.
"Ah, that's nice," Rangiku said.
A comma ends declarative dialogue that has a dialogue tag (Rangiku said) following. If it were like this:
"Ah, that's nice."
He seems to be growing more and more out of character with how Americanized he is. If I didn't know any better, I would think he lived there his entire life and not just recently came from a place that doesn't have a clue was any of these things are.
It threw me off when the story went to Rangiku, Ichigo, and the others. That something that would fit better in a chapter story when you're helping your readers to get a better feel for the characters that aren't the main pairing. It didn't aid the story so it felt just thrown in there.
All that happened pretty much was Ulquiorra went to Orihime's, got sick, and was taken home by her. The story doesn't have a problem, climax, or resolution, something that every story needs to have despite if it's a one shot or not. Try coming up with an issue that will happen within the story and can be solved by the end. I would work on surrounding details and visual aspects as well to make it so your story pops a bit more. Best way is to use your five senses to describe things. Hope this helps!
[Founder of Critics United ]
| BLEACHLOVE1011 chapter 1 . 2/17/2011
wel i must say this was a very sweet peice i really liked it...just had a Ulquiorra moment of stomach lurching when i saw you put ichigo and rangiku together..but its your oppinion im just a hard core GinRan fan lol good story once again
| bankai777 chapter 1 . 2/15/2011
i am surprised that ulquiorra didn't get food poisoning just by eating orihime's least she didn't get ichigo or isshin to try it orihime were to cook for the entire soul society i bet that over 100% percent would get sick within hours or seconds.
| NaruHinaFanboy chapter 1 . 2/15/2011
LMAO this new Valentines Day one-shot is way too cute and hilarious at the same time. Poor Ulquiorra, but I don't blame him for not having the heart to tell her he doesn't like her cooking. If I was in his shoes, I would do the same thing he did and just eat the experimental food. The bowling night for couples with IchiRan and GrimmNel was funny as well. I definitely LOL'd when Ulquiorra saw the pic with Ichigo and Rangiku.
U know this particular scene, "Ichigo laid back with his head in Rangiku's lap with her hands on the sides of his face and her breasts were atop his head. Ulquiorra was surprised at Ichigo not being freaked out with Rangiku's giant assets on top of him. 'He must either be drunk or he's finally grown a pair.' Ulquiorra thought." This part was genius and the answer to Ulquiorra's question is that Ichigo finally grew a pair.
P.S. I also loved the "All Dogs Go to Heaven" reference as well as Burt Reynolds and Norm MacDonald. I also grew up watching the same movie during my childhood and I'm a fan of both Burt Reynolds and comedian Norm MacDonald too. Damn Norm is a very underrated comedian. I'm looking forward to your future lemons on the "Hot Springs Trip" fanfic and the Blondes In Bed lemon series as well. _
| Dae-Roz chapter 1 . 2/14/2011
Orihime you old devil! hahaha x)
Very nice little story!
And you have given me reason to follow your stories, Raptorcloak! )
So all the best!
(sorry if I made some mistakes!)