|Reviews for Forging Destiny|
| StoneTheLoner chapter 5 . 1/26
I'm not reading this. Regardless of how interesting the plot is, the way it was written will drive me up the wall before I could ever start to enjoy it.
| StoneTheLoner chapter 3 . 1/26
This is going to give me a head ache... PEOPLE DON'T TALK LIKE THIS! You're a non native English speaker aren't you? You have to be, because thats the only thing that makes sense.
| StoneTheLoner chapter 1 . 1/26
You need to work on the way your characters speak. It's almost robotic, and more often than not it's nothing more than an obvious info dump. For example the second to last paragraph. He starts to explain what apparition is, but he had no way of knowing if Harry did or did not know about it already. WE of course know he doesn't, but from Sirius's point of view he couldn't have known that. So why didn't he either ask if he knew what it was before explaining it, or wait until Harry expressed confusion before explaining what he was talking about? He then brings up that it cant be detected, and that it can't be followed, once again under the assumption that Harry is ignorant of what apparition is. With no prompting the character starts dumping info out without thought...
| Guest chapter 19 . 1/22
I love the fix but am kind of bothered you made the weasley twin say 'faggot'. Its kind of homophobic
| Quoba chapter 3 . 1/19
James was a chaser not a seeker
| Friend chapter 21 . 1/9
Is there any way to make a slash story variation from here with Harry and one if not both of the twins? It sounds like a good plot line with Harry's current connection wih the twins. I'm not gay but I like the stories. Harry just seems to fit the powerful submissive role perfectly.
| plumbknot57 chapter 37 . 12/28/2015
Great story,I loved couldnt stop till then end. Thanx
| Kizmet chapter 27 . 12/8/2015
I've read several of your stories. You do a good job of basing your characterization on cannon flaws. Some characters (Dumbledore, Ron) you tend to demonize, others you try to fix. Generally you start with a trigger causing Harry to change from cannon to overcome his flaws and possibly going on to try to help other characters overcome their own (Hermonie, Neville, Draco, less frequently Ron). You're pretty restrained with Snape despite obvious dislike for the character, side-lining him more often than demonizing him.
But I have to wonder why, when you acknowledge/address almost every character's flaws even Harry's, Sirius gets a pass. You justify, ignore or flat out rewrite cannon to remove Sirius' flaws rather than having him change to overcome them the way you do with other characters (with Harry at the minimum, you say 'Here's what I'm changing about cannon in this story' with Sirius you say 'Sirius was nice to Kreature, of course he was nice to the poor thing, Sirius is a GOOD GUY' and pretend Sirius' actual behavior in the books never happened). Take this chapter for example. Sirius did NOT hide being an animagus to gain a war-time advantage. He, James and Pettigrew became animagus to support Remus while he was a werewolf. They did this while they were still in school, before they were part of the war effort while Sirus in particular was a highly immature short-sighted child. You regularly ignore the werewolf 'prank', which happened after they became Animagi, which endangered Snape's life and one has to assume would have had serious consequences for Remus if Snape had been killed or turned. The 'prank' was not the action of a person who thinks out the consequences of their actions and it was James not Sirius who kept the prank from turning deadly.
You do a very good job of addressing the flaws of almost every good to redeemable character in the fandom, why write Sirius as flawless saint? He's less interesting for it.
| Guest in Europe chapter 26 . 12/1/2015
I have genuine mixed feelings about this story and debated with myself about whether to review or just move on. So, here goes...
First of all, I couldn't write to your standard of grammatical or lexical accuracy in any of the languages I speak, so kudos to you for doing this. I am absolutely prepared to overlook slightly anachronistic use of words because of this; likewise, the mother-tongue influence of your comma placement, in particular the myriad commas in front of 'that' which is characteristic of German but not of English. These minor points are easier to overlook than some of the stuff uploaded by native writers.
However, the reason I am now giving up on this story, having ploughed through so many chapters, is that you've created a complete 'Harry-Sue' and the story is becoming turgid. People just don't speak in the way you write - not in whole paragraphs with well-developed political ideas at the age of 13/14. Mind you, I've sat in a fair few meetings in German and some of them do like to pontificate - but that's middle-aged men, not teenagers. Furthermore, why does every character have to repeat the story so far to the next character they meet? Yes, Harry had a crap time at the Dursleys; he told Sirius about it, then Sirius had to explain it to the goblins, then to Remus, then to Minerva, to Rita etc etc. Meanwhile, Harry suddenly shares with the whole school and spills his innermost secrets about his childhood... it's just not credible. Every time he confronts a problem, some miracle power reveals itself, blah blah. At this stage it rather reminds me of the stories I wrote in primary school, where I wrote myself into some difficult corner 'and then I woke up', except in this case 'a new magic power'.
So I'm bailing, having lost interest in the part of the story that originally captured my interest, namely, how Sirius would change Harry's life and help him with his task. Clearly, your answer to this question is, one can solve many problems in life, as long as you throw shitloads of money at them and have unlimited political power. I find this underlying message extremely uninspiring, however true it may be.
I will go and have a look at some of your other stories, since I think your initial idea was sound and maybe your later work is a little more developed. Thank you, trotzdem, for all your work in writing this and very best of luck with future stories.
I'm not trying to be anonymous, I don't have an account.
| Guest chapter 20 . 12/1/2015
i wont lie this part of the story just made me puke. lets scream all our secret plans out and have everyone automatically believe it. i will continue to read but I'm not looking forward to the story if this is going to continue.
| lokyyt chapter 38 . 11/22/2015
more please keep typing and please reply
| jon08 chapter 33 . 11/13/2015
Good chapter, solving the Buckbeak problem, and wilting Draco's ego a bit.
On a slightly different note, you mentioned in your note at the beginning of the chapter that English was not your native tongue. Apart from a few mistakes occasional errors with spellings in the English which possibly could be from English/German versions of the text; Earnie/Ernie as I mentioned in a earlier review, and an occasional slip-up with a tense or homonym, you English is a lot better than some of the stories written by writers who have English as their first tongue.
Lot of uses of the word English there. Oops!
| jon08 chapter 32 . 11/13/2015
Sirius for minister was obviously going to be their choice since the last time we saw them conspiring to overthrow Fudge
| jon08 chapter 30 . 11/12/2015
I like the games! Where can I buy the Wizard editions?
| jon08 chapter 20 . 11/12/2015
Loved it again. Just a minor nit-pick. Its Ernie, short for ErnEST, not Earnie - one who earns...!