Reviews for Motivation
Darkemace chapter 3 . 2/24/2011
I just wanted to point out that while eastern philosophers see it as a point of deep contemplation, in the western world the sound of one hand clapping is known as a slap to the face.
the kwp chapter 3 . 2/24/2011
Shikamaru does an excellent job as Chibikage. I wonder how long it will take for them to realize that he has solid advice and ideas. Clearly, Naruto is already learning that - which will in the end make him a stronger leader. Naruto's ability to inspire combined with the ability to creatively improvise, and listen to good advice brings with it much promise.

I find that your portrayal of Kakashi to be very interesting. This is the first story to really take a stab at dealing with his sense of guilt, obligation, and twisted adaptation to life. I do not know if Anko is someone who can help him resolve these issues, but his willingness to think about trying might be enough to at least change the dynamic.

Good work with this story. With Chapter 2 when it became clear it wouldn't start with a team of Shino, Shikamaru and Naruto, I felt a little cheated and disappointed. Seeing how you are actually implementing it, and seeing that those three are working as a team regardless of their official assignment placing, I am becoming hooked on this story.

I am glad that you have positive changes in your life, though I am sorry that it means a reduction in your writing time. Thanks for contributing so much!
Juoppo chapter 1 . 2/24/2011
Well, this is interesting. Your prose is fairly good and all, but characterization could use some work. At first, Shikamaru's musing seems like the author is talking. Then, Sasuke bashing ruins that character fairly well; it's fine to not like some character, but twisting them into this creature that everyone would love to hate is just going to make your story worse.

Other than that, it's just Shikamaru and Shino explaining stuff to Naruto, which isn't all that interesting in itself. There's no emotion involved, either; you tell us about Naruto being amazed and floored by the positive attention, but I can't really feel anything from these events. It's rather boring, to tell you the truth.
Midoriryu chapter 3 . 2/24/2011
Well, so much to comment on it's hard to figure out where to start.

Asuma, I think you wrote him in his role beautifully. I think Naruto, and Sasuke have the greatest need and potential growth from his training. Hinata as well.

Bastard Sensei, I actually think the role Kakashi has is the absolute best one he could have had if he wants to make up with Naruto. It'll be interesting to see how it goes.

Kakashi and Anko, that is something that is going to be very interesting to watch as things go forward.

Naruto's realization that dispersing that many clones at one time, better to learn that now rather than later.

"they were trying to tear the underneath's head off to peer down its throat" Is Anko going to keep this observation to herself?

"Hinata is capable of hitting harder than Bastard-sensei has elected to strike me so far," Would I be wrong in thinking that Shikamaru will be keeping this in mind for the future?

I don't know if you plan a Naruto/Hinata ship or not, but but either way I really like how you're developing Hinata as a character and the interaction between the two.

As to your comment about marking this story as a favorite, you're already a favorite author of mine. :)
Akira Stridder chapter 3 . 2/24/2011
Akira Stridder chapter 1 . 2/23/2011
not bad...
clauswitz chapter 2 . 2/23/2011
"you think you owe Naruto something, and since you're acting like you can't ever pay that back, you want to try and make it up by doing better for Sasuke."

It seems like she kinda lets Kakashi off the hook here without

really pointing out how self-centered Kakashi is when she could say something like 'you want to try to negate at least part of your debt to Naruto, who almost no one has been willing to help, by helping Sasuke, who almost everyone has been willing to help and who Naruto hates, because Sasuke reminds you of yourself.' I'll admit that a fair amount of that is fanon. But it is canon that almost everyone Naruto has met prior to graduation looks at him with 'cold eyes' which is gonna make it really hard for him to find someone to help him out, and its also canon that Sasuke is regarded as a genius, and genius's pretty much never have a hard time getting someone else to give them extra instruction. At least later in the manga Kakashi does think of Sasuke as similar to him and I think its highly likely he does before even meets the Genin he's supposed to teach but I don't know if you could prove it by canon.

All that said that's kinda a small nit to pick but its one of my personal pet peeves about Kakashi so take that as you will. Other then that I've been enjoying your story and hope to see more, though I do hope you don't make Shikamaru too broken as I tend to think of anyone who can plan out all the moves in a real fight as if they were moves in shogi kinda ridiculous.
kidneysrgood chapter 2 . 2/23/2011
Surprisingly, this is a very good story. I enjoyed reading it.
The DCG chapter 1 . 2/23/2011
Hell of an interesting start.
Drake-Azathoth chapter 2 . 2/22/2011
Nice chapter! It's rare for me to see something genuinely new and interesting in a crowded fanon like this, but your concept is almost shockingly novel. Forcing the kids to grow up and quit whining from the start? It's pretty much revolutionary. I blame the intense desire to either wank or vilify people's favorite characters for that. Acknowledging a few childish flaws and redeeming traits in each of the characters is very broad-minded. ;)

I really loved your portrayal of Shikamaru and the Hokage in this chapter- both came across as witty but believably quirky. And Anko was AWESOME, although it's disturbingly easy for almost anyone to make Anko awesome. She's like fire or explosions that way. Points for conveying a bit of depth to her without making her into a whiny emo kid however. Anyhoo, thanks for the fic thus far, and I definitely look forward to seeing more on this front...
Condor green chapter 2 . 2/22/2011
Your character interactions and growth

coupled with your amazingly awesome writing makes this story

a definate point of interst for me in the future.


Hope to see more.

Essex chapter 2 . 2/21/2011
Good update. This mixed team training is certainly an original idea, and the way that things are shaping up, it makes perfect sense as well.
Gleam chapter 1 . 2/21/2011
Probably one of the very few stories I've ever seen address the issue that Kage Bunshin are, in and of themselves, true copies of their creator - they are not subservient and won't do anything the creator wouldn't do. I suspect the Kage Bunshin was forbidden in the first place because its use by anyone of less than firm motivation would create desperate, less than motivated copies aware they're going to die in a very short time. That's not a good result.

As I'm certain a story of this quality recieves a metric ton of WOWLOLWRITEMOARs, I'll instead commence with the criticism.

Naruto, perhaps, seems to be largely ignoring the trauma of the Forbidden Scroll incident - he might be a child accustomed to violence and conflict, but watching one of his only real friends get nearly sliced in half, and then murdering Mizuki several hundred times over, would create a very definite shellshock effect. Even just the memories of stabbing Mizuki several hundred times would likely completely desensitize him to the application of violence.

I can't help but imagine, given that setup, what Naruto's response would have been to Kakashi's declaration of 'come at me with intent to kill' during the bell test episode.

Anko has a slight tang of Super-Character going on; she managed to tell off a roomful of Jounin, effectively, without any preperation or forewarning that she would have to. That's the kind of eloquence that Sandaime and maybe Jiraya possesses, but given her relative youth and history, I doubt Anko would be able to so equitably castrate the entire Jounin-teacher circle. Part of it is easily explained by the concept that this is an Anko who has put aside her past trials - that's the vibe I'm getting - but her experience is not universal, and she does not possess the breadth of experience that Kakashi and Asuma do (as ANBU commander and Guardian of Fire, respectively). They would do more than simply shift guiltily and scowl like the children they teach.

The Sakura/Ino rivalry is fully active, but their tendency to tear into anyone that interrupts it seems to be stunted - particularly in regards to Naruto. But then with the Last Uchiha's endorsement, I'm not particularly surprised, either.

The Chunin ranks seem to be largely absent from this story, despite the fact one of their number just committed fratricide. While Konoha's population of Chunin is never really detailed (Kotetsu and Izumo can't be the only ones) I think adding them into the story would help add to the depth of this story.


Jiraya could play a huge role in this story, I'm thinking, because he is the only person Kakashi seems to take with complete seriousness. The Copy Nin needs a mentor figure at this point, and the Frog Sage could easily fill this role. Besides, Sarutobi would likely want to touch base with Jiraya about what possible forces or agendas Mizuki may have been supporting. I don't think he'd approach Naruto just yet (or really, at all, considering how little he seeks out Naruto in canon), but certainly Jiraya would pay attention to Minato's students.

The Sasuke/Naruto interaction has massive potential. Naruto is a person who has avenged the loss of a family figure who was killed in front of him - personally, and very effectively. Once Sasuke realizes that their situations parallel, I don't think that they'd become friends, exactly (canon Sasuke doesn't really understand friendship, I believe, having his entire emotional capacity to bond aborted by the Clan Massacre) but I can definitely believe that they'd become comrades of a sort. Even in canon, Sasuke comments on the similarity of their situations as far back as the Academy (on the subject of them both lacking parents), and this only multiplies the resemblance.

Motivated Shikamaru is an idea I've personally explored and adore. As long as he has something to lose, he wakes up and takes care of it. Here he has his entire graduating class on his watch, so I imagine he'll be nothing less than phenomenal. Have you considered having him bring Shikaku into the genin sessions merely to make suggestions?

I'm keeping an eye on this story. Keep writing.
GeshronTyler chapter 2 . 2/21/2011
Ah, please don't tease us so, with such a fast update. We might grow use to it, and then be left hanging when your Muse moves on. _

From last chapter- Did you just sorta make Anko a Tsundere? She'll gut you like a fish for that. P

Shino- "On the other limb"... or is that the "gripping hand"? _

Would "buzz off" be a really bad insult to the Aburame?

Back to the new chapter- See, now that's the kind of Ninja counseling I'd expect to see. I do wonder if Kakashi managed to do Teuchi's voice, or if Naruto was simply hypnotised to miss it? Or was that Teuchi serving, and Kakashi just cooking?

The notorious Naruto anime "filler arc" had an episode that dealt with Mizuki again, breaking out of ninja prison, Naruto and two other "rookies" tracking him down, IIRC. He supposedly was an agent of Orochimaru's but I don't remember the details of his "turning". No chance of that, this time. _ I thought some of the filler arc episodes had some good bits, though there was much, much, silliness. It gave Hinata a couple of chances to shine, anyway.

Several authors have picked up the whole "2/3 of the genin fail to qualify" and developed a "two class" ninja system, between the elite genin, and the grunts, that end up filling all the "mook" positions. It does make sense, especially when you consider how large the "tail" of any modern force is, let alone that of a (apparently) low-with some ninja-tech non mechanized/industrialized formation. I've always wondered how that's kept from the students, as it's a complete surprise. With how many ninja clans and minor families there are, it's almost inevitable _something_ would slip somewhere.

I found Anko's analysis of the situation quite amusing, especially with the bit about Kurenai and Asuma. Of course, Anko shouldn't be throwing stones, since it looks like she'll be hanging on to Kakashi. Throwing the genin all together gives the reader a chance to see your take on the various possible teams, without a full-blown story/series for each. Besides, I wonder how much though Kishimoto put into those teams, besides whatever he felt he needed for the plot.

Sakura is indeed the odd genin out, without any "special" qualities aside from her book learning, and just the academy physical skills. I take it you don't consider kunai throwing "long range" ? From what I've seen in the manga, really "long range" specialists don't seem to exist, or are hardly shown until the more recent "Ninja War" chapters. You'd expect something like snipers from ninjas, but fire arms, archery, crossbows, simple don't seem to be normal ninja fare, at least from what we see in the "Survival Exam". I've had an idea that could work for a "long range" style technique for Sakura, that your welcome to use. It uses her "perfect/near perfect" chakra control to allow her to "snap" a kunai with basically bullet speed at a target- basically letting her send kunai/darts downrange at a speed and distance unexpected.

I figured Shikimaru would be the team leader, since he's the tactics genius among the genin according to canon, and was the first one to make Chunin (according to Kishimoto's authorial fiat _)

Restaurant owner Senzo has a _much_ better attitude now, I see, which helps to remind a reader that yes, this _is_ a ninja village, and behavior contrary to morale and order won't be tolerated. You've had the genin-candidates realise the seriousness of their position, and shown that they are more than just a bunch of brats. Sakura and Ino are the ones that need the wake up call most of all, though I'd guess Naruto still has some naivete to work out. Kakashi makes such a _good_ "bad" ninja, he ought to have quite a bit of fun running the kiddies ragged. First thing, is too get the "prima donnas" used to _real_ field conditions. As much as I recognize that clothing is a main way to help build character identity in a series, since this is a non-visual format, I hope the genin start dressing the part more. Make for some amusing scenes with Ino and Sakura looking in the mirror in horror after a nice "confidence-building exercise" (read, run them over tree, hill, dale, and swamp)

I see what you did there, at the end. "The pen is mightier than the sword", eh? That sneaky Hokage, him. I mightily applaud your Naruto as well, _who gets it_! )

Thanks for the chapter, I'll be looking forward to the next updates, for whatever story.
0takkun chapter 2 . 2/21/2011
Well, it's fairly obvious that you've been on a roll lately, and that's really welcomed.

I'm intrigued on where are you going with this. It never ceases to amaze me that, unlike with Ranma fiction, I tend to get drawn to Naruto fics that deal with different beginnings.

I'm hoping to see more of this, and of course more of KDBH. )
1,062 | « Prev Page 1 .. 59 66 67 68 69 70 .. Last Next »