|Reviews for Motivation|
| Ladegard chapter 1 . 2/19/2011
I rather like this story, the fanon seems low so far, the characters are developing nicely, and I've always like your work. Thank.s
| Kelenas chapter 1 . 2/19/2011
It looks like an interesting set-up. I usually don't like Shikamaru at all - he's the only character who gets even more plot favoritism than Sasuke - but so far he's tolerable. Bonus points for him not blabbing about how "troublesome" things are every other sentence; far too many stories take a character and take have them spout their "trademark word/phrase" at every opportunity.
Naruto's demeanor initially seemed strange, until the point of divergence was revealed. Then it made perfect sense, as well as the reaction of his classmates, with the possible exception of Sasuke; in his mind, his teammates are going to be dead weight to drag him down anyway, so why would he care if Naruto is responsible for Iruka's death? It would have made more sense if the comment came from someone else, like Sakura, who's already noted for her utter lack of tact or empathy for Naruto in early canon.
| Kurtulmak chapter 1 . 2/19/2011
Okay, first I'd like to mention that there are some flaws in this fic. I'll discuss them later, because I'd like to really lead off with saying that I'm a bit blown away bit it.
At first all I could see was the shadows of common cliches. Anko seemed like her typically trashy fanfic self at first. At first. As the chapter progressed it seemed less like she's the village bicycle than just someone who was in the mood to blow off some steam once; the knee-jerk association I had was just that. In fact, she seemed a good bit more like her canon self than most authors write her. A bit brash and demanding, but a bit thoughtful too. Very nicely written.
Another cliche seemed to be angry, angsty Naruto. But in a way, this was turned on it's head. He has a good reason to be upset given Iruka's death saving him, Kakashi's actions, and spending a night in prison. And he's not suddenly your typical smart, angry, powerful Gary Stu Naruto. He's just a bit shaken, and his growth will come from the influence of two of his generation's smartest and most level-headed genin. You've given him the powerful tool of early understanding of the Shadow Clone, but you'd done it in a way that *works* with the story by giving him a *reason* to notice it sooner.
Really the only cliches that stand out as serious flaws in the fic are Sasuke & Sakura bashing. Oh, Sakura's not too far off the mark from canon. She wouldn't have wanted to be on Naruto's team anyway thanks to him asking her out all the time. However, Sasuke's reaction, blaming Naruto for Iruka's death is a bit of a leap in logic given that he knows nothing of the facts of the previous night's events. His quickness to blame Naruto and intransigence on working with him could only at best be explained by jealousy that fits the typical Bashed!Sasuke fanfic profile but doesn't really jive yet with canon at this point in his life in my opinion.
(Side note: We never really got an idea of where anyone other than Sasuke, Sakura, and presumably Hinata stood on the issue of Naruto during the fight. Were Choji, Ino, and Kiba for or against Sasuke's point of view? I can guess Ino based on her trying rat out Naruto for breaking the desk and her crush on Sasuke, but the other two I have no idea about.)
Side note: Why were all the other ninja dismissed before Iruka's death was revealed. I know we know after the fact which teams passed, but should it really be implied that Teams 1-6 were known to be dead weight before being tested?
Now, beyond the ugly point of possible Sasuke-bashing, I have more praise for the fic.
Kakashi was extremely well-written in my opinion. That mixture of reflection, regret, and aloofness was perfect. That one mistaken reaction setting back his and Naruto's relationship was an interesting twist, though I hope it's not a permanent strain because of how /this/ Kakashi actually cares about Naruto (which I much prefer to Bashed!Kakashi's Sasuke fever).
You even handled the prejudice of the village well. Now, in canon Naruto only gets kicked out of a store once for reading pin-up mags without paying, so it's not reasonable that /every/ store would shun him, but it's also not unreasonable for /some/ stores to shun him. And there's no hint of abuse or the typical slip of calling him a demon. Just some shunning that the person involved at least has the shame to squirm about.
So far, I like the take on Shino and Shikamaru as well. The twist of their techniques requiring murder casts them in a bit more of a sinister light, but not necessarily in a bad way. I look forward to seeing how they influence Naruto's growth.
(Also, you managed to sneak in a way of getting him out of the orange jumpsuit without making a huge production out of it. Very sneaky! Normally, I get irritated by that little obsession of many authors, but the slyness with which you did it impresses me.)
I suppose I should chip in one last quibble, though. /Teme/ doesn't mean what you (and many other authors) think it means. It's not Japanese for "bastard." It's a rude and angry way of saying "you." (Japanese has a lot of pronouns of varying politeness for "I" and "you.")
It's equivalent in tone to "you bastard" - above /kisama/ ("you fucker") and below /omae/ ("hey you"). Naruto uses it with Sasuke a lot early on, but he switches to the /omae/ most of the time later. Sakura and Sasuke both use /teme/ on him a lot at first themselves, but no one ever puts THAT in fics.
(And why yes, I *have* read the raws to double-check. I am that petty. :-) ...Stop judging me.)
Also, it's never used as a (dis)honorific. "Sasuke-teme" and "that teme" are inventions of some bad fanfic author lost to history (and my terrible childish wrath) which spread like a tumor through the fandom. Grammatically, they are nonsense.
| Goldamon X chapter 1 . 2/19/2011
Iruka nooooooooooooooooooooooo. Well maybe not that dramatic but still a shame that he dies off so early here. This sounds like it'll be interesting, though it's got that vibe of Super Powered genin that I keep seeing. Granted they are legitimately talented, and honestly early on Naruto's biggest problem is piss poor training...Anyway, this should be fun one way or the other.
| Essex chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
Excellent. I don't think I've ever seen this particular team before. While I am more interested in reading "Later" at this point, this'll be a good back burner fic.
| Midoriryu chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
Wow, very interesting start. I can honestly say I haven't seen anything even remotely like this before. I've enjoyed many of your stories over the years, and this looks to be another that I will have a good time reading. :)
| Kind Fearless Leader chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
I accept blame.
I have altered your choice of story to write.
Pray that I do not alter it further.
Team Assassin-o shall prevail!
| Hero Slayer chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
I mean, so many things can go wrong with that first day so it's not that surprising to see changes in that, but there is the point. If Kage Bunshins send their memories back, why the hell did Naruto not notice it right away.
I mean, I can understand if he's dim, that's fine. Give is a while, but he's been using that technique, creating what has to be hundreds of thousands if not millions of clones before the time skip. You're telling me he doesn't notice that he's suddenly gaining that much freaking experience.
Yeah, that kinda bothered me after I got past the original, oh cool that's an awesome technique stage, when it was explained.
Ah Shikamaru, I can mentally hear the repetition of 'Mendoukusei' along with the mental thoughts. As he's mentally complaning about all of this he's probably already managed weight the pros and cons of everything and the probabilities of all the choices and decided the best.
Shino, Shino when he's not played for last is pretty awesome. I mean, who would think the bug on your back that's slightly annoying would be the thing that's tracking you. So much potential there.
Can't see the rest of this.
| RandomFanDude chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
Very nice; I like it. Naruto with smart people giving him advice... scary thought.
I'm looking forward to seeing more, but I'm also glad you're focusing on finishing other works first. Your writing is good, and I want to see your stories finished.
| Wonderbee31 chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
Neat to see this new fic here, and a great start to say the least, hoping to see more of this new trio start out here and make a name for themselves, as well as see what goes on with Anko and Kakashi, and how Kaka might be able to get past that horrible first mistake with Naruto there.
| DisMinded chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
Killing off Iruka in the first chapter? That is refreshingly bold. And I haven't read many Naruto fics that focus to any real extent on Shikamaru, so that's interesting as well. I look forward to reading more of this.
(Yeah, it's well written and well plotted, but that almost goes without saying for your writing at this point).
| TheDarkFreak chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
My thoughts while going over this:
Heh, so Kakashi just shuts up to avoid dealing with people.
Wow, Anko can be forceful. I think I like that...
Huh, I guess this is taking place at the beginning of the series.
WHOA. HOLY SHIT. Did NOT see that coming.
"Dobe"? Do you mean "Dope"?
Damn, dick move, Sasuke.
Wow, this is looking like it's going to be much darker than the real series. Quite like it
I'd like to see more of Shino, too. I really think I'm going to like this fic :D
Ok, Shino's both badass and hilarious with the desk thing. REALLY liking this XD
Hmm, while it's fairly easy to notice POV changes, I think I'd still like breaks in-between, like in K:BDH.
"Soft-cover missile of hardcore death" HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Well, all in all, I am still not disappointed in subscribing to you as an author. A very good story, well written. You take the Naruto characters and make them your own, while still making them believeable. You have a real talent when it comes to characterization. Do not stop writing!