|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Children of Change|
| Kel000 chapter 5 . 11/30
He’s such a fucking idiot making everything he does super fucking obvious that he time travels.
Walks in Dumbledores office and greets Fawkes “hey it’s nice to see you AGAIN”
Talks to Tonks and Hermione about snapes past on why snape hates Harry so much in front of the whole class.
Every time time Hermione is suspicious he only says “it’s not time yet” or blatantly says he’s lying which further causes even more suspicious.
For a 70 year old that’s been an Auror for 50 years , he’s pretty fucking retarded...
| pepejohn chapter 1 . 11/26
To follow up on my later statement,
Why is it whenever I see zero contractions, there's always a GOD DAMN harem/threesome. My god, the author was probably 14 years old when they wrote this. Honestly cannot understand why weak grammar stories have crap plots and harems. What next, eight inch dicks, and an MC who while smart through some means, is a complete braindead where it matters and doesn't act their age (and of course nobody cares).
On second thought, this story reminds me of the myriad wuxia/xianxia novels. You know, where the MC goes back in time after dying to some crazy thing, decides that THIS TIME, I'll do it right. While they "do it right", they likely make it worse through their sheer arrogance (i.e. the unnecessary antagonism to Malfoy at the start), and bag all of the girls who matter to the author's sick fantasies (of course, these girls love the MC, they just don't know they do right now. But, they WILL lose all character depth and intelligence around the MC).
At this point, I'm not even going to attempt to read the story to see if it is how I assumed. It shows the signs and the signs are rarely wrong.
| pepejohn chapter 3 . 11/26
This reads terribly, almost as if the author has a middle school grip of the language.
"Harry stood quickly and threw a punch quickly breaking Malfoy's nose. "Don't use that word anywhere within my hearing or I will make it so you can never say it again.""
One common issue that is prevalent in subpar fanfics is when the author hasn't heard of CONTRACTIONS.
Readability immensely increases when you can use them to smooth out the reading.
Changing "[...] within my hearing or I will make it so you can never say it again."
"[...] within my hearing or I'll make it so you can't ever say it again."
I can't speak for everybody, but the latter is far better to read flow-wise. I can not, I will, I am, etc. Contractions make the text less robotic and/or artificial.
While correlation doesn't imply causation, it's interesting how for every fic I read that doesn't use contractions well, the plotline also tends to be poor.
| adamantiumsleep chapter 62 . 11/26
Some cool ideas, but suffers from hpmor fanboyism.
73yrold creep seducing and manipulating 11yrolds, forgetting to save Luna's mum and being kind of a dick.
(if I'm being uncharitable)
The story is a good read though, interesting complex events, cool characters and a lot of fun.
It just left a rather fedora-tipping, wannabe-creepy vibe.
Hmm, uncharitable again.
Thanks for writing though, I had fun.
| Khumo chapter 3 . 11/16
I don’t think 11 year olds talk like this
| NoSugarForValdez chapter 26 . 10/31
it's Lockhart isn't it
| Ambaire chapter 4 . 10/21
Hope Harry put air holes in the lid of that jar, or Madam Bones is going to have a very dead rat.
| jmw03u chapter 62 . 8/4
This is my second time reading this story and I love it this time too! I think GNICC is my favorite. Thank you for writing this. Good luck with your original works!
| CatScratcher chapter 46 . 6/29
Wait was Croakers Rule 2: Always have a way out, A reference to the James Bond film the world is not enough?
I've always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed.
And the second?
Always have an escape plan.
| Guest chapter 32 . 6/28
Wow tonks and Hermione come of as a pair of real cunts in this chap vetting his get well gifts
| Nikkless chapter 15 . 6/18
too messy and rushed
| Nikkless chapter 13 . 6/18
the attack on voldemort it came out of nowhere. and felt really forced
| DontMindMe chapter 62 . 6/15
It's a real sham you stopped this story as it has a few plot points I've not seen before, well contracted and interesting. You talked about plots that i wish i knew where they ended.
Thank you for what you did write
| Nikkless chapter 5 . 6/17
i dont like this harry he feels too full of himself.
| Nikkless chapter 5 . 6/17
really harrys a vegetarian and flirts with little girls. and inside hes over 70. damn old pervert