Reviews for Deceitful Innocence
cb.spica chapter 4 . 1/25/2012
Ah, just reread your summary. Is the Father/homunculi created by human transmutation thing because of your AU? o_o Just curious xD

"Get me Central we have a rouge alchemist on the loose." - you don't mean "rogue?" Rouge means red.

Deceit's creation is interesting ;D

I think that I quite like Deceit's personality~ Her ability is rather similar to Envy's, but ah well. It's funny how she annoys the other homunculi by calling them her brothers/sisters xD

I like the dark turn this story is taking o_o... I don't think the story is boring ;) Just add a little bit more description, and perhaps some more figurative language. Overall, nice work though~ I'll look forward to your next update!
cb.spica chapter 3 . 1/25/2012
Oh, I like sad and gory. So let's see~

The flashback of Liela's past is really well-written ;D It created some strong images! Good job with that ;)

Ummm... "A small tear rolled down her face, despite her sadistic tendonitis she did have a soft side and it both infuriated her and delighted her." - don't you mean "tendencies," not "tendonitis?" o_o...

Be careful with tenses~ Sometimes you switch between past and present.

Yay, Envy! xD Her relationship with him is cute ;)

Hmm... is Deceit cliché, eh? I'm not really sure 'cause I don't know all that much about her yet. I've seen the eighth homunculus plot various times before, but that alone doesn't make her cliché, I think. Her personality interests me though.

By the way, does this story follow the 2003 anime or Brotherhood/the manga? I thought Deceit was created during human transmutation (2003 anime), but you also mentioned Father (Brotherhood/the manga) o_o...

Nice chapter ;D
cb.spica chapter 2 . 1/25/2012
Aww Leila is adorable ;D I love how she says, "Well you see I was walking down the street when suddenly whoosh an giant fly dropped from the sky and it sucked up all my money and flew away!"

It's such a silly lie, but it's so cute~

...My, she's different than how she pretends to be! xD She's quite mischeivous, eh?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Yay, cookies! xD Anyways, I liked it~ If you want to make it even better, you could probably add more description of setting and of character's expressions as they speak. Nice work ;D
cb.spica chapter 1 . 1/25/2012
Interesting~ I like the way you describe the girl, explaining why he wants to revive her. And it's kinda cute how she calls it "alchimy" instead of "alchemy" xD

On a minor grammatical note, make sure to remember capital letters at the beginning of sentences, and also, when the punctuation at the end of the quotation would normally be a period and the speaker is given after the quote, it becomes a comma.

Example: "Jack ate apples," a little girl said.

When the speaker is not given after the quote, the punctuation remains a period, and the punctuation always goes inside the quotation marks.

Example 1: "Jack ate apples."

Example 2: The little girl said, "Jack ate apples."

I enjoyed the suspense in this chapter ;D Nice work~
Out in the Sticks chapter 4 . 1/10/2012
Well, I guess it's okay...I don't know if it's bad or good...hehe...sorry...

I'm waiting for more! ) Thanks for the food!
Out in the Sticks chapter 3 . 1/6/2012
Man, you're so pushy...anyways, I think this story is better than the last one but, as they always say, there is always room for improvement.

This is better than Chapter 2! Good work!

I love the song! It's creepily awesome! CX

Out in the Sticks chapter 2 . 1/6/2012
Well, you just have to be more detailed in explaining your story, pay more attention to little details because they make the story...easier to imagine...mmhhkkaayy?

'T was good!
Out in the Sticks chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
Wow, this is good but still needs improvement though. So that I could feel the E.T.-ness of it...meh...sorry, listening to E.T. right now...
Bumblebeecamaro38 chapter 4 . 9/3/2011
Yay! *munches on cookie and pumpkin pie*

I can't wait to read the next chapter! :D
mmorrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee chapter 3 . 6/30/2011
i want cookies so heres my reveiw l wuved it thats all weres my cookie
trevtrev04 chapter 3 . 2/28/2011
decete is great...i know my sins from playing dantes inferno,good sin choice
Yuuki-Chan-13 chapter 3 . 2/28/2011
oh I'm an idiot for not figuring out what sin she was*face plant* good chapter waiting patiently for next chapter
trevtrev04 chapter 2 . 2/25/2011
its pride right? pride is the worst sin there is...yep its pride
Yuuki-Chan-13 chapter 2 . 2/25/2011
loved it and I can't figure out what sin she is can't wait for next chapter and I followed ur story so i knowwhen u update now bye
Megan May chapter 1 . 2/25/2011
Love it! This story has a lot of potential! Please update soon!
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