|Reviews for Deceitful Innocence|
| cb.spica chapter 4 . 1/25/2012
Ah, just reread your summary. Is the Father/homunculi created by human transmutation thing because of your AU? o_o Just curious xD
"Get me Central we have a rouge alchemist on the loose." - you don't mean "rogue?" Rouge means red.
Deceit's creation is interesting ;D
I think that I quite like Deceit's personality~ Her ability is rather similar to Envy's, but ah well. It's funny how she annoys the other homunculi by calling them her brothers/sisters xD
I like the dark turn this story is taking o_o... I don't think the story is boring ;) Just add a little bit more description, and perhaps some more figurative language. Overall, nice work though~ I'll look forward to your next update!
| cb.spica chapter 3 . 1/25/2012
Oh, I like sad and gory. So let's see~
The flashback of Liela's past is really well-written ;D It created some strong images! Good job with that ;)
Ummm... "A small tear rolled down her face, despite her sadistic tendonitis she did have a soft side and it both infuriated her and delighted her." - don't you mean "tendencies," not "tendonitis?" o_o...
Be careful with tenses~ Sometimes you switch between past and present.
Yay, Envy! xD Her relationship with him is cute ;)
Hmm... is Deceit cliché, eh? I'm not really sure 'cause I don't know all that much about her yet. I've seen the eighth homunculus plot various times before, but that alone doesn't make her cliché, I think. Her personality interests me though.
By the way, does this story follow the 2003 anime or Brotherhood/the manga? I thought Deceit was created during human transmutation (2003 anime), but you also mentioned Father (Brotherhood/the manga) o_o...
Nice chapter ;D
| cb.spica chapter 2 . 1/25/2012
Aww Leila is adorable ;D I love how she says, "Well you see I was walking down the street when suddenly whoosh an giant fly dropped from the sky and it sucked up all my money and flew away!"
It's such a silly lie, but it's so cute~
...My, she's different than how she pretends to be! xD She's quite mischeivous, eh?
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Yay, cookies! xD Anyways, I liked it~ If you want to make it even better, you could probably add more description of setting and of character's expressions as they speak. Nice work ;D
| cb.spica chapter 1 . 1/25/2012
Interesting~ I like the way you describe the girl, explaining why he wants to revive her. And it's kinda cute how she calls it "alchimy" instead of "alchemy" xD
On a minor grammatical note, make sure to remember capital letters at the beginning of sentences, and also, when the punctuation at the end of the quotation would normally be a period and the speaker is given after the quote, it becomes a comma.
Example: "Jack ate apples," a little girl said.
When the speaker is not given after the quote, the punctuation remains a period, and the punctuation always goes inside the quotation marks.
Example 1: "Jack ate apples."
Example 2: The little girl said, "Jack ate apples."
I enjoyed the suspense in this chapter ;D Nice work~
| Out in the Sticks chapter 4 . 1/10/2012
Well, I guess it's okay...I don't know if it's bad or good...hehe...sorry...
I'm waiting for more! ) Thanks for the food!
| Out in the Sticks chapter 3 . 1/6/2012
Man, you're so pushy...anyways, I think this story is better than the last one but, as they always say, there is always room for improvement.
This is better than Chapter 2! Good work!
I love the song! It's creepily awesome! CX
| Out in the Sticks chapter 2 . 1/6/2012
Well, you just have to be more detailed in explaining your story, pay more attention to little details because they make the story...easier to imagine...mmhhkkaayy?
'T was good!
| Out in the Sticks chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
Wow, this is good but still needs improvement though. So that I could feel the E.T.-ness of it...meh...sorry, listening to E.T. right now...
| Bumblebeecamaro38 chapter 4 . 9/3/2011
Yay! *munches on cookie and pumpkin pie*
I can't wait to read the next chapter! :D
| mmorrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee chapter 3 . 6/30/2011
i want cookies so heres my reveiw l wuved it thats all weres my cookie
| trevtrev04 chapter 3 . 2/28/2011
decete is great...i know my sins from playing dantes inferno,good sin choice
| Yuuki-Chan-13 chapter 3 . 2/28/2011
oh I'm an idiot for not figuring out what sin she was*face plant* good chapter waiting patiently for next chapter
| trevtrev04 chapter 2 . 2/25/2011
its pride right? pride is the worst sin there is...yep its pride
| Yuuki-Chan-13 chapter 2 . 2/25/2011
loved it and I can't figure out what sin she is can't wait for next chapter and I followed ur story so i knowwhen u update now bye
| Megan May chapter 1 . 2/25/2011
Love it! This story has a lot of potential! Please update soon!