|Reviews for Harry amidst the Vaults of Stone|
| Alwendil chapter 22 . 7/14/2015
After this chapter you seem to have lost your way. Your writing quality remains relatively constant, but the ideas you put forth, their organization, and the pacing are all wrong. All the intermission chapters simply feel off, and nothing past this point has the vibrancy or creativity you've previously shown in spades. It seems you're at a loss for how to proceed, and indeed character interactions have grown ever more stilted, as the characters (and the narrative itself) became static.
You also seem to be struggling to portray Harry's intellectual curiosity properly - the manifestation of his concrete, practical Goblin upbringing is rather dry and alienating rather than wry and endearing. You've lost the exuberance for discovery, expressed in properly concise and emotive narration, that you exemplified in Harry's time in Underfoot, through his curiosity about insects, or cave formation, or fossils, or science. The focus on the concrete aspects of magic, of showing Harry's proclivity for mathematical analysis and the scientific method, seems to have eclipsed the narrative. Yes, developing a working theory of magic, compatible with science, is intriguing, but the concern with experimental procedure and repeated mathematical analysis for no discernible narrative purpose is, frankly, boring.
On a more narrative note, it is odd that Harry hasn't gone to see Brother Filius for aid in navigating the wizarding world yet. That is something I imagine would be on his docket, as seen by the third trial where he supposedly learned the value of Brotherhood. He could have structured lessons, similar to his time in Underfoot, for cultural integration and scholastic acceleration. Rather than this painfully tedious reiteration that Harry, raised as he was subterraneously and in a vacuum of human culture, lacks understanding of countless fundamental concepts taken for granted. As the intermissions show, you need to compress this process to develop the interesting points of your narrative - such as the interaction with Snape or Sinistra, and the disdain about inefficient and ineffective education.
There's also no conflict yet, which I imagine is the sticking point that brought about the intermissions and eventual abandonment in the first place. As you said, you would have to develop appropriately challenge adversaries and situations for a more perceptive, cunning, and learned Harry. This is difficult, and even more so if your intent is to maintain your previous quality, which you've demonstrated quite well with the coming of age trials. You can simply increase the difficulty of canon challenges as a start if you're in too much of a bind (the story A Marauder's Plan does such a thing for the first Tri-Wizard task quite well).
You could have shown increased cultural adjustment conflict in the meantime, eschewing villanous conflict for a few chapters. Conflict with Snape is a staple, something that I was looking forward to next chapter and that you didn't deliver in any of the intermissions. As well, increased bullying and tension, sparking a recursive cycle of revenge eventually getting out of hand would have been nice as well. It would also be a fine catalyst for Filius to have greater intervention to guide Harry.
Regardless, the lack of conflict, as well as narrative direction generally, is your primary foible in these latter chapters. For what it's worth, I'd say just remove all these subsequent intermission chapters and put up a real chapter 23 whenever (or if ever) you come back to the story. The narrative will be all the stronger for it.
| Alta-Lemur chapter 28 . 7/13/2015
I really enjoyed this story. I found the exploration of goblin culture and history very interesting, and the goblin-style speaking mannerisms of Harry. I don't often see people pay attention to the different facial expressions in different cultures, as if a smile or eye roll are universal even to a blind person. It is also nice to see Harry raised in a loving family environment, especially one with a big work ethic. I even enjoyed McGonagall's sad musings about how the houses were divided. Thank you for writing.
| Guest chapter 12 . 6/26/2015
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| MuggleCreator chapter 28 . 6/25/2015
The story is really interesting.
Dunno if I quite agree with your assessment of Ron, but given they're not in the same House and haven't interacted much that hardly matters.
The whole situation with Padfoot and Moony and Dumbles is a shame.
I love the way you've shown Dumbledore and Snape by the way. Very canonish.
| NonSolus chapter 28 . 6/14/2015
brilliant... good old hagrid
| DonLyn chapter 27 . 6/5/2015
A very interesting piece of fan fiction. I especially like the world-building you did with the goblins and their culture.
My favorite part is you promising a faster pace before going on hiatus for two years and counting :p
| Isa Lumitus chapter 28 . 5/30/2015
Well, the omake was an interesting diversion. I would rather like to see more of the main story, though. Can't say I think that's too likely given the time since last update.
| Isa Lumitus chapter 7 . 5/29/2015
Do goblins find useless coins to be things of beauty? From what you've written, a lot of work went into them, even though the goblins see them as worthless. Since the goblins don't use money themselves, why would they care if someone wrecked the wizarding economy through counterfeit? Unless they have plans to do that themselves next rebellion, anyway.
With how much effort was put into making galleons indestructible and unchangeable, has anyone tried making scale-mail armor from them? Given my understanding of canon/fanon, that might stop all 'ray' spells, including the killing curse.
| Isa Lumitus chapter 4 . 5/29/2015
Okay, I'm impressed with the trials. Good work.
| Isa Lumitus chapter 3 . 5/29/2015
You know, at first I was going to say something about the obvious attempt to get him to cheat by using iron. But now I see a theme. I'm guessing he'll have a chance to cheat on each trial?
| Isa Lumitus chapter 2 . 5/29/2015
I still don't get how goblins could end up running a bank, when culturally, they have issues with private ownership. I just can't see it.
I have issues with seeing communism work, too. But goblins aren't humans, and might think differently enough for it to function. It also helps that they are united by tensions with the wizards... Who are major major business partners.
And that brings me right back to not being able to make sense of the internal contradictions. Having people defined as businessmen, who do not believe in private property feels too nonsensical to me.
| Isa Lumitus chapter 1 . 5/28/2015
I don't understand. The goblins find the buying and selling of physical goods disgusting. Their only business is a f***ing bank. And they focus on contracts.
Do your goblins have a cultural fetish for being disgusted?
I intend to read further, but I suspect that I will have some of the same objections to this that I had to Harry Crow. Namely that the author was using the goblins to write what was effectively culture-pornography. He had a 'perfect' fantasy culture that was not internally consistent, and then the story quality fell to levels that I found unreadable.
I'll tell you in a later review if this does end up going the same route for me, and hopefully some criticism of the constructive variety.
| Aisu Tsuki chapter 28 . 5/23/2015
I would just like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed what you have written so far! It is a fantastic approach to how Harry had been raised. Please keep writing, I haven't had a fanfiction capture my attention in quite a while. Thank you!
| Guest chapter 28 . 4/29/2015
| timmy1022 chapter 11 . 4/26/2015
I love the world building and lore. And I'm even more sad that this hasn't been updated in forever! Ha.