Reviews for His Girl
B4bidden Products chapter 56 . 8/22
really wish there was more to read pls update
BookWorm702149 chapter 1 . 8/15
Anybody Have TissuesPlease Help Soooooo Sssssssaaaaaaaadddddddd
Calyptra chapter 56 . 7/27
This is one of the best Bella/Embry stories. I loved how they met each other, how they went through friendship. The development was so good. As a couple and as individuals as well. It's so cool that they were awkward teenagers. Most of the time everything sexual is written like "passionate and perfect" but this was really sweet. I literally breezed through this story. I've never been in Embrys corner as much as in this story. I could feel their love reading about their relationship. They way you described them after the break up brought me to tears. Especially Embrys turmoil. I just want to give him a hug and assure him that I'll go get his girl right after I've killed the everyone responsible. I am adore Jake (although I like Bella paired with other wolves as well), so normally I hate it when he is pictured like bratty asshole. But here it was necessary and good. I wonder where he hides out and what the missing puzzle piece is. I thought they were brothers, but then they said Embry was a Uley. Unless it was a lie. I was surprised with Bella's friendship with Katie. And also that she was friends with Kim before the pack knew her. But I liked both. Kim is always overlooked. The plain girl in the shadow of gorgeous Jared. I liked her here. How she defended Bella, stood up to the pack and fought the imprint until Sam blackmailed her. Invalid like the dynamics in the pack. Paul's and Jared's loyalty to Embry is touching. In most stories, as in the books, they remain loyal to Adam because of seniority. I loved them here. Especially Paul, knowingly taking punishment to ensure Bella's safety. And how later, when push came to shove they both chose to disobey to protect her and to support their pack brother. Even when they where forced to obey they showed their displeasure and supported Embry as good as possible. That lacks a lot in the books. Only Jake has a mind of his own in them. I am swooning over angry Embry. Never knew our shy wolf could be so forceful. His outburst at the bonfire and his anger every time Bella was in danger were so well written that I could picture him being like that. One of the best Embrys. Congratulations. I am in love with Kay and Linda. They are hilarious. And Quil... I have no words. I'm pretty indifferent towards that character but you made me love him. He is awesome in a "I want to kill you but I can't because you're loyal and adorable and my brother" kind of way. I love the relationship between him and Bella. I almost peed myself when shy little Bella started twisting his nipple, pepper sprayed him and tied him up. In this Note: nice Bella. Not a doormat and not between two men. Refreshing. She actually has a personality. I have never read about Quil as an Alpha. Sam, Jake, Paul, Embry yes. And I could see each one of them as one. But I never thought of Quil that way. I can only see him filling in temporarily. I'm curious who will the position permanently. I can't wait to find out why they did it, what will happen next. I hope to see Bella and Embry work through this. I hope it isn't back to hobbit was before too quickly. But I also hope it isn't dragged out unnecessarily with dramatics. I can't wait to see the punishments. They should have let Embry finish Sam of. At last a few critic points: I almost abandoned the story because of the point of view. It intrigued me enough to stick with it, but I was tempted. Im not a fan of first person, but if you choose it stick to the point of view if one person. You can maybe make a view exceptions but you have at least 10-15 different point of views and switch through them repeatedly. It's exhausting and takes from the reading experience. Not only that but sometime you switch between points of view every few sentences using bold letters to differentiate. Normally I see that in stories that are far more inferior than this one is. It's a shame. I know that many readers (especially experienced ones) share my opinion. Have you ever thought about trying omniscient third person? This way you can illustrate everyone's thoughts and opinions without having to switch all the time. Sometimes you even repeat parts from another point of view. That's unnecessary. If you considered rewriting in third person this story would be so much better. It would match that quality of the storyline. I tried first person with the occasional switch once. It was just not possible to convey everything without ruining the story. I have decided to change it but haven't come around to it. Another thing that bothered me were the phone calls. I don't understand why you choose this format. Bold withX" in the end. It's a dialog. Writing as a normal dialogue would not disrupt the flow of the story. It would also show a more mature writing. Hell, I think this story has the stuff to be even more successful here in fanfic. I honestly believe that it would appeal to more readers if you worked on how you present it. In know way do i want to insult your writing. I think you have talent. And I will continue reading even in this format, because I have to know how it ends. Im just saying that you can write it in a way that it feels like you are reading a book. That's the thing I have been missing. There are stories out here that have me feeling like I am reading a book. And those are the most popular. Yours doesn't. But it could. It has the potential. If you want you can contact me and I'll search for examples to show you. I'd be happy to help because this story is a little gem. I hope you'll update soon. You got me hooked.
Kaitlyn Bembenek chapter 56 . 7/25
Please update please please update!
theReading-is-life chapter 1 . 7/16
Please... you have to update !
dawn.schlimpf chapter 56 . 7/3
Please update very very soon
Tassie Devil chapter 1 . 6/5
It is so sad that you have abandoned these stories and the readers that read them.I am hoping you will adopt them out so all the faithful readers will be able to read them until the end.
Foto chapter 56 . 4/29
i love your story i hope you feel better soon
gabytahijar chapter 56 . 4/26
I am mad, so very pissed off that you have left this story like this. You are alive and you have written other stories and yet you have left this one alone, it is insulting to every person that has believed and read your story and supported you.
Guest chapter 46 . 4/25
Will bella ever tell that she knew what edward is?
tinkermist99 chapter 56 . 3/13
so good but sooo sad please update
tinkermist99 chapter 13 . 3/13
what they did to quil was the best
TCExoxo chapter 56 . 3/4
really in love with this story. is there going to be any more updates or a sequel?
Allison chapter 56 . 2/13
I am so in love with all of your stories. I have been there for every update with Jailbait and this story as well. I wish you would put up a new update soon. It would make this a great week if you did. anyways hope everything is ok in your life and I appreciate all your hard work.
lipglossandcigarettes chapter 56 . 2/11
Christ... I've been crying for the last few chapters and then you leave it like this? Please finish this story if you can.
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