|Reviews for The Day Everything Changed|
| tanithlipsky chapter 1 . 5/6
| SwampThirtyFour chapter 1 . 9/30/2015
There are many problems I have with this fanfic.
The many of the sentences are run-ons. The brackets have unnecessary quips from the narrator that I frankly find quite annoying. The dialogue is not broken up into new paragraphs. The characters feel OOC. For example, Konata swearing and Kagami's sisters breaking out into what is basically were tantrums when meeting the nurse. The way the romance between Konata and Kagami was expressed felt lacklustre and did not feel very organic. The OC bully had weak motives. If she hated Kagami the most, why hadn't she assaulted her already by that point? The story felt like a jumbled mess.
On the plus side however, I commend you on being able to have the commitment to write 14K of words out, and for being able to plan out this story relatively well.
All in all, I did not enjoy reading this fanfic. I hope you can take my criticism into consideration to improve as a writer.
| 666gone666 chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
I liked this one
the spacing doesn't bother me at all...thogh it is possible that it has been fixed since it was written.
I have one suggestion though...it might be a good idea to split it up into mulitple chapters. it would be a pain to find where you were after you are forced to stop reading at some point.
But its not to big a deal if you ask me...so if you don't feel like changing it I suggest you just keep it as is.
overall it was a good story. and I don't really review often, so that is saying something.
| Miz-KTakase chapter 1 . 12/11/2011
Despite being very long and yet provocative, this story had heart and soul... not to mention drama. The part where Konata and Kagami kissed in the end... pure awesome, minus the Shoujo Ai.
With pride, I'd say that it is awesome.
(By the way, seeing that it was your first Fan fic? I noticed that each section is balled up in a huge paragraph. Is there a reason?)
| Flygon Master chapter 1 . 3/4/2011
I like, it was original and fun to read, plus you didn't make us Konami fans hate you with a passion, you did the oppsite! The story is all around great, I do want to say that it was a tad bit hard to read, I understand why you typed it like that but that doesn't make it any easyer to read lol.
But a great story none the less in fact good enogh for me to add you to my favorites list good job and I expect more storys!
| ArmorBlade chapter 1 . 3/4/2011
Okay, frankly I barely know what this story is about. I can tell it's actually quite well written by skimming here and there but my eyes absolutely refuse to read through these giant chunks of the great chinese wall of text going on here. Trust me, my eyesight is pretty darn good too.
It's a big 'do not do' in writing especailly when involving dialogue by more than one speaker. You put in the character details of who's speaking what, but without space it is utterly rendered useless. Please look at a regular novel even for an idea of formatting. A paragraph is to encompass a point of detail or explaination of thought, not an entire scene.
Other than that I can't even give a proper review, sorry.
| DoubleBoxEven chapter 1 . 2/28/2011
Alright. I enjoyed this story, but there was an issue that couldn't be ignored.
The main one is formatting. Ever section is just a wall of text that's hard to follow. You need to format it into paragraphs. Each time a person says a line, unless the line begins a paragraph, you should hit the enter key to move to the next line.
Many times I had to stop a reread a few lines because the lack of formatting caused me to skip a line or two, and lose my place. I think you would get a lot more reviews if you edited this story into a more proper format, so that people could easily read it, and enjoy the story.
| WandererfromtheWest chapter 1 . 2/28/2011
Nicely done in my opinion. However, and this is just my thought. The story was good, as well as th style it was written in. The one thing I took notice to was the dialog.
Example: In one point in the story Miyuki was speaking how I'd expet. Light, but wise, however, at a few points, she sounded more street or Improper in the reguards to her character.
Other than that though it was an awesome fice. I recemend a sequel. Or if you take requests, I have a few ideas. :3