|Reviews for WIND RIDER|
| GBRK chapter 1 . 9/3/2011
Good story, please add new chapters.
| Bardic Jester chapter 1 . 3/5/2011
This was a good story. I find the best fanfiction to be allusive, so I liked that the only connection to Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind seemed to be the windriders. It's left to the reader to make connections between the original and your new story.
I quite like your use of simple and declarative sentences. It's fun sometimes to be direct and to leave many of the details to be filled in by the reader. The style also emphasises the parts you do mention, adding importance to each word.
Some tips for future writing (it's important to note that I'm not saying these three elements are not in your story or that they are bad in your story. Instead I am saying these are parts you may want to focus on in the future to improve):
-While the simple and declarative sentences are nice to describe the world, it's best to avoid using them in dialogue. Your characters are direct, logical, and clear, but this is not the way people talk; characters seem mechanical when they speak this way. When characters are more nuanced and impulsive in their speech, they're more believable and memorable.
-When writing a science fiction story of this sort, where the windriding is so central, it is good to ask the question: 'why is the story about windriding specifically and not any other piece of technology?' The question makes the story more relevant to the reader. Gives them a reason to read this story over every other science fiction story.
-This one is only a slight suggestion, and is not as relevant as the other two. You have a couple too many (but only a few) plot conveniences, where things come too easy for the characters. (examples: when the two characters come to the prefect's office the first person they speak to has clearing observed the attack and can describe to them exactly the relevant knowledge to them) The reason this is not as relevant is that everyone has to move their plot forward, so every story has plot conveniences. It's just something to keep in mind in the future.
Again, good story. I had a lot of fun reading it.